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Present for BIL and new GF help- who do I address it too?

(8 Posts)
bumpysleighride Thu 07-Dec-17 13:38:31

BIL (younger than DH but they're very close) has his first girlfriend, they've only just got together and aren't even 'official' yet but they've known each other for years and years and BIL has always had a thing for her. She has a DS from previous relationship similar age to our DS. For Christmas I've got a main present for BIL, a smelly set each for both of them and chocolates/ bottles to share. Was planning on putting something small in for her DS and addressing it to 'BIL, GF, DS' or is that weird? Dad is still around.

Background: haven't meet the GF yet, tried to make plans to do something nice both our boys would enjoy so we could all get together but they've said no, apparently busy. We're NC with ILs because FIL is toxic and abusive and MIL is too much under his control. BIL is only family on DH side he really has although he is close to my family, I don't want him to loose him as they've always been so close. FIL is desperate to break up DH/ BIL as he's still trying to hurt us from afar and I'm worried about the lies he may say to new GF to turn BIL against us. So it's not just a Christmas present, i want to show GF I'm nice, I want to get it right for my DH's sake and not fuck it up!

Step families what do you think? Present for GFs DS nice or weird? (And in case anyone wonders why I'm doing 'wife work' DH works away, I work part time. Plus I'm just better at shopping!)

mrssapphirebright Thu 07-Dec-17 13:44:17

Hmm, I'm not sure i would buy for someone that I hadn't even met.

Op do you know how serious they are? If they aren't even official yet I'd stay well clear.

However, if you want to get something I would maybe stick with main present for BIL, I'd avoid toiletry set for gf as it's quite personal. Maybe address a nice bottle of booze to them both and a selection box for her ds, or maybe some cinema vouchers addressed to all three of them so they can go see a Xmas film.

bumpysleighride Thu 07-Dec-17 13:59:42

I'm pretty sure it's serious, BIL had booked to come on holiday with us next summer and she's said she wants to come and already made childcare arrangements. I was impressed they were thinking so far to the future! Chocs and booze is for both of them (although I've thought of what she'd like as well as BIL) I always get him stocking filler type bits. I'm thinking not mentioning the boy but knowing he could have some chocolate.

Finola1step Thu 07-Dec-17 14:03:14

I think it would be a lovely idea to put something in for her ds.

BenLui Thu 07-Dec-17 14:04:15

I would either address it just to BIL and then clearly label the individual gifts inside or I would address it to both Mr XYZ and Ms ABC

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 07-Dec-17 14:09:36

I would (and have before now) addressed it to "The BIL Clan" as your link is via BIL and it side-steps any clumsy addressing.

bumpysleighride Thu 07-Dec-17 14:12:18

Ooh I like BIL clan, I just wondered if it would be uncomfortable for the GF to have her DS linked to BIL? But TBH he's been amazing with the little boy, trying to bond and taking them on trips out, playing with him etc so it might just work.

That's what I was thinking Finola, more from the point of view her son is similar age to our son.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 07-Dec-17 14:16:58

It purposely doesn't have any 'familial' links. Clan, Crew, pick your own...smile

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