How much money for teenagers

[stelmaria]

I have 2 DSS (17 & 19) currently we give them £100 each for Christmas, DH and I also have DS together (3) and DS2 is due in February. I am wondering if it would be ok to reduce the amount we give the eldest next year to around £50, mainly because of our financial situation with DS2 coming. I am a SAHM and DH has a salary of £24000 which is quite tight to get by on, but we manage. I wanted to judge responses on here before bringing it up with DH.

[Migraleve]

I think it's awful to cut your stepchildrens money because you have another child on the way. What do you think that says to them?

[Squeegle]

Agree it is harsh but next year (2018?) they will be 18 and 20- old enough to understand that £24k does not go far with 4 children. Worth discussing with your DH. I would have thought they would be old enough to get it as long as you bring it up and effectively consult with them. I would imagine the arrival of 2 young siblings must bring all sorts of sacrifices. However, it depends on how all the dynamics are normally. If they’re not happy, this won’t gonthe right way, however you couch it.

[BertieBotts]

Christmas money is a gift so it depends on your financial situation. Entirely reasonable to reduce if your situation is tighter IMO. It is not as though it is a living allowance.

If you did want to keep it up in a cheaper way what about using clubcard vouchers to buy amazon cards or something like that? (Not sure exactly what you can use clubcard vouchers for, but you get the gist). They go 4x further that way and they still get the same value of gift from you.

[HRTpatch]

Will you just be spending £50 on your younger child?

[stelmaria]

I understand it may seem like we would be reducing it because of the new baby but realistically we cannot afford to give them this much forever. DS1 doesn't even get this much at Christmas or birthday. I figured that because they are pretty much adults now that they would be ok with a reduction.

[stelmaria]

Also they have not had to endure any kind of sacrifices due to 2 new siblings, we have definitely made sure of that. The Tesco clubcard idea is a good one, thank you I will look into that.

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

Yanbu if you hadnt said they were your step children and just that you had 2 older son's people would say it's entirely acceptable that you adapt your budget as you need too.

I have 2 step children who are 14 and 19 they are getting £50 each plus a stocking from their younger siblings (they asked for a stocking rather than an actual gift) that's probably cost about £25 each

DS aged 2.5yrs has had about £150 spent in him because I bought him a tablet (our finances are seperate to some extend)

DD aged 10mths has had about £80 spent on her.

[Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit]

YANBU if that is your budget but £100 isn’t much these days. Can you even buy a pair of trainers for that.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth I can’t believe you only give your step children £50. Yet an 18 month old is having more spent on her. It’s disgusting your partner allows that.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

No it's not ok to do that to existing dc.
Also why haven't you claimed tax credits, on an income of 24k you will be eligible.

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

He's 2.5yrs not 18mths and my step children over the course of the year get far more spent on them, step daughter was bought a camera when she started college, step son was bought a laptop because his broke and he needs it for school, my children are rarely bought anything throughout the year and my daughter has had the same spent on her for Christmas as they have so it's hardly a favouritism issue is it?

[MyDcAreMarvel]

Smiling - it is favouritism , £150 for a tablet for a two year old when you can afford to spend the same on all dc is not on.
Kindle fires were £30 on Black Friday, no 2.5 year old needs a £150 tablet.

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

I didn't say the tablet cost £150 he has other gifts and I also didn't say we couldn't afford to spent the same on the others it's just the way it's worked out I don't feel the need to spend the same on all children they each get what they want/need this year Dsc asked for money so they are getting £50 each last year dss asked for a PlayStation game that cost £80 and dsd asked for some art supplies that cost about £45, ds got about £50 spent on him, how much you spend does not equal how much they are loved.

They will also have upwards of £200 spent on them from their mum so they get far more than my children, should I spend more on my children to make it fair that all siblings get the same amount spent?

[tistheseason2bjolly]

No way! Do not cut back the £100! Each week you will have to find a saving of £2.

[overnightangel]

“£100 isn’t much these days. Can you even buy a pair of trainers for that. ”

Had to laugh at this!!

Fuck me

[stelmaria]

Ok, thanks everyone for replying. I guess we will have to find a way to carry on with the £100 each. Although it would've been interesting to see the responses if they hadn't been my DSS's but my actual grown up children

[Lovemusic33]

I have 3 step children. We gave them £100 each year up until their 18th birthdays, they now just get a few gifts. I think once they are adults they are old enough to understand, also most are earning their own money by the time they are 18. I don’t think you should use the birth of your next child as an excuse though.

[Stickerrocks]

Do you actually give them cash or spend £100 on presents? If it's the latter, it's far easier to cut back across the board and just ask them what they want within a lower budget. If it's the former, it does look as though you are cutting them out because of your new child. All of your DH's children should have the same budget unless you are buying a specific big present like a bike, phone or tablet. If you are currently spending £300 between 3, now it becomes £300 between 4.

[stelmaria]

My question was meant to be relating more to them being adults but I don't think I worded it very well and was just trying to give all relevant info (hence involving the baby & finances). If they were still children I would definitely be ok with finding the money somehow, but as they are adults I thought it would be different.

[dancestomyowntune]

My children (all mine, all same father) don’t have the same amount spent on them at Christmas, but they all have a fair amount and have what they want. They have differing needs and my 14 year old naturally seems to have more spent on her than my 7 month old or my 2.5 year old. It’s not unreasonable at all.

My mum, who lives with us, always spends more on my brother than me because he is a single lad (now aged 30) and has no children and she spoils my children and buys for both me and my husband. I don’t expect her to buy for us, we are grown ups! But she always will, though usually more of a token gift.

[stelmaria]

We give them cash as that's what they ask for, same for birthdays. Their mum married well and they have everything they could possibly want/need from her.

[stelmaria]

If we were to split £300 between 4, but we're not to reduce their £100 each, then why is that fair that my 2 children get less?

[iboughtsnowboots]

I don't really see the problem with reducing the payments don't have the money to cover it. If you have four DC your money has to go four ways instead of three or two. What I wouldn't do is just drastically change the gift for the oldest one, I would even out the gifting for all three children. This would be the same in a family where the DC all had the same parents as well. Your oldest DC should realise by now that extra money doesn't appear by magic. It is the hazard of being the oldest in a family, if they are upset you can sympathise with them but explain that you are splitting the money you have equally between the DC.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

Are they working or in education?

£100 to £50 is a big cut. No way of doing an inbetween figure? Pretty shocking that your h thinks that £50/£50/£150/£80 is fair on his kids.

[BertieBotts]

I bet if you leave this for a few days and repost (maybe also in a different section), omitting the fact they are stepchildren and phrasing it more that they are coming into adulthood now, you'll get different responses.

[selfishcrab]

We are a blended family, my DS and DH's DS, we have a pot and it gets split. They have and always will have 50/50.
I was brought up by a parent who thought it was ok to spend hundreds on their ne family and a £10 on me.
The excuse was I 'might' get more through the year and from my absent parent... never happened I got fuck all!
I wouldn't do that to my child or to my DSS!