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Moody Ungrateful Teenagers

(22 Posts)
Jackson1308 Tue 05-Dec-17 16:48:39

Hi - some advice needed. Is this 'normal' or is my stepson (who lives with us 100% of the time, no 'real' mum around) particularly hard work...?

At what age do kids think 'I would like some pocket money to go buy my dad a present'. I am pretty sure I have memories of shopping with my mum, fairly young and buying gifts of sweets etc or bubble bath and wrapping them up and generally getting into the xmas spirit.

Our 12 year old seems utterly removed from xmas. He doesnt really seem to give a shit about anyone else, and I would love him to actually want to get involved and buy something for his dad or dotting nan. But he doesnt. Nor does he want to decorate the tree or do anything related to xmas as he's a gamer and spends all his time in his room when not at school. I feel like a total nag 'get dressed' 'have you got or done your homework?', 'take those plates downstairs' etc etc. Me 'nagging' results in him sulking even more, and the moodiness is ridiculous.

Does this sound familar to anyone else?!

QueenOnAPlate Tue 05-Dec-17 16:57:26

Hi, I'm a foster carer of teenagers and have older birth children. It sounds fairly typical to me - we have adjusted our expectations and traditions and we all have a much better time for it. It's actually a good time to put your own wants to the forefront - food and traditions you like, let them join in if they want but don't worry if they aren't interested. Ask what they want to do - mine like to go to Nando's and Costa so that's what we do. They hate present buying so I buy anything necessary but they enjoy wrapping so they do that.

Taffeta Tue 05-Dec-17 17:53:15

Sounds like my 14 yo DS, but they’re all different.

My 11 yo DD is very different, bought me a present at her school fete last weekend.

DS is like DH. DD is like me....

Goshthatwentwell Tue 05-Dec-17 19:59:11

Mine is the same. We are on our own but have family and friends to buy for. He occasionally mutters something about " what should he get" but then goes back to shooting things.
He likes going to my parents but for Christmas but not so anyone but me knows he's enjoying it....

Kit30 Tue 05-Dec-17 20:16:42

Wow! Amazed that teenagers get to do just the parts of Christmas they like - apart from the religious aspect isn't it about appreciation, showing it for other people as well as receiving it. It needs everyone to participate. In the absence of any other issues preventing this I think it is lazy and selfish as the OP says.

QueenOnAPlate Tue 05-Dec-17 20:29:02

Kit30,
Neurologically teenagers are wired to be very self centred at this age, and accepting this, their growing independence and picking battles is not pandering, but common sense really. I've fostered loads of teens with this approach and they have usually become pretty delightful young adults with no harm done at all.

DeloresJaneUmbridge Tue 05-Dec-17 20:32:46

My soon to be 15 yr old son is a right misery guts these days. So this year for the first time ever he is getting an Xmas Eve box with a "Be Hapoy" theme.

It will have hot chocolate in there and marshmallows (guaranteed to put a smile on his face) plus one or two other bits.

On the other hand he is very keen that I should get a book I have asked for and has even asked to go shopping,

MysweetAudrina Tue 05-Dec-17 20:54:20

Even my 9 and 8 year old do extra chores to earn money so they can by a present for their 3 older brothers and sisters and myself and dh. They have nearly 100e saved. The older ones always did it too. We always did it too. I'd expect a bit of effort especially when I put so much in.

Chocolatecake12 Tue 05-Dec-17 21:01:39

My 15 yr old ds is as grumpy as anything! He says he’s not into Christmas this year as he’s too stressed with exams coming up.
It’s his brothers birthday next week and he usually gets him something small - this year I’ve suggested a phone case that can be ordered. He still hasn’t ordered it!
They do seem to be very self centred at this age. He’s already said he hates turkey - even though he eats it every year and has seconds, and has announced this year that he hates playing board games which we do after dinner.
It’s good to read that others have the same issues with their teenagers.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Tue 05-Dec-17 21:13:41

DD (15.6) is very into Christmas the whole build up, decorations, my 1001 Traditions, the food, the shopping (Oh Yes the shopping fgrin ) Christmas Hampers on Dec 1st etc.
She will buy presents , despairs that I am "impossible to buy for" but has bought DS and DH presents.

DS (18) is not into Christmas. If he could stay in his room and eat chicken and Yorkshire puddings he would do.

He doesn;t ask for presents but likes money (to save).

Though he did walk through and put his bank card by the laptop and told me to order something online for myself (quite sweet I thought)

He keeps promising that when he's older and mega rich he'll never come to us for Christmas (I have DD for 'all that' ) but I know he's fibbing.

I sometimes miss the Christmas with Toddlers/PreSchool/Infant School DC though the build up to Christmas was too much excitement for them, at least with teens they;re more laid back?

Jackson1308 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:57:24

THANK YOU For responses, its good to hear that we are not alone. My other half is going to 'have a word' as there was drama last night as I asked him to clear up his empty ice cream bowl....mass moodiness and rude backchat! I said to the other half that we need to get him into a routine of making his own bed, taking down plates and cups as otherwise its a fighing battle and makes the house unhappy. I think this age is the hardest of all ages. I hope the lady Foster Parent above is right, this will pass (in a few years) and he will grow up to be normal/reasonable, but its hard now to see that light!! Thank you !! x

ifonly4 Wed 06-Dec-17 15:04:30

I'd tell him he's going into town on Saturday or whenever with you to choose something for whoever. If he doesn't go, his Dad and whoever won't be getting anyone from him and I'd point out why. He'll have a guilty conscious then.

He might get better as he gets older. I think my DD first bought something for us when she was 14. She went into Primark, I was lucky and got cat gloves (good as I like cats), DH got a Christmas pudding hat - at least she made the effort.

Labrat72 Wed 06-Dec-17 15:14:49

I asked my 11 year old dsd what she’s getting her dad for Christmas. She has plenty of money and is going Christmas shopping this weekend. You’d have thought I’d asked her to recite the bible backwards, such was the confused look on her face. Turns out that the ‘Christmas shopping’ she’s doing is stuff for her. No one else. 11 is obviously too young to think about other people. In her anyway. Shame, I thought she was starting to think about people other than herself. Looks like I’ll have to buy something and pretend it’s from her as usual.

pullingmyhairout1 Wed 06-Dec-17 15:32:23

Thank god I've found my home. My 16 year old is soooo miserable. He is a real Kevin!

He will not lift a finger yet believes we do nothing around the house. So rude including telling me to f off. My dp has to seriously bite his tongue.

Lovemusic33 Wed 06-Dec-17 15:52:47

Sounds normal, my almost 14 year old wants to get a few gifts for close friends but can’t be bothered to go shopping herself so I have picked up a few selection boxes, same with a gift for her dad.

Dd doesn’t lift a finger round the house without making a huge drama out of it, she led on the sofa moaning and yawning when I put the Christmas tree up.

LesLavandes Wed 06-Dec-17 16:28:06

Same problems here. Last year I bought a slightly smaller tree and decorated on my own. Both children arrived home separately and both made same comment 'It's a bit small, isn't it?.

Jackson1308 Wed 06-Dec-17 16:57:12

Well after reading all these - I think I hate teenagers! What a miserable lot they are!! Maybe us adults should just carry on regardless and if the kids want to join in they can if not - sod them!!

Lovemusic33 Wed 06-Dec-17 17:01:48

Mine moans at me for getting to excited about Christmas, she’s never really got excited about it, I will have to drag her out of bed Christmas morning.

QueenOnAPlate Wed 06-Dec-17 17:31:12

Don't see it as a negative, see it as a way of reclaiming your own life - if my teens don't want to join in we can go out to lunch in peace etc! It's just a growth stage, and most of us were no better 😜

pullingmyhairout1 Wed 06-Dec-17 17:50:27

I have reclaimed my life but get moaned at for not including him yet if I ask him to join us he tells me 'its boring'. Then get the kevin tantrums. It's boring now. Been going on since he was 11.

crunched Wed 06-Dec-17 18:05:24

Another gamer DS here, he loves Christmas but would never join in without being begged, whether it was collecting/decorating the tree, present buying etc. Would always get DD1 to buy and wrap the presents ostensibly from him.
He toddled off to Uni this September and, lo and behold, this week a couple of packages have arrived for him at our home address.I can't help but notice one is from my favourite, pretty obscure, chocolate company, the other from the magazine to do with DHs hobby.
I really believe that absence has made him appreciate us and home a bit more. bet he still gets his sister to wrap them fwink

wineusuallyhelps Sat 23-Dec-17 22:57:55

Sadly, this thread is making me feel a little better and that perhaps I haven't got my parenting very wrong...it's them. Would still be nice if they cared about making me happy at Christmas by not moaning/bickering/stropping about every damn thing, though! confused

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