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Child-free Christmas, husband doesn't want to do anything!

(3 Posts)
mynameisscott Mon 04-Dec-17 19:46:08

This is me and my DH's 5th Christmas together and I'm feeling a bit sad and frustrated that we never seem to have any plans outside of Boxing Day, which is when his DD and two DSDs (now adults, one with a 3-yo) come over. I have a lovely relationship with my DSD who is 9, and is completely spoiled at Christmas as she gets two Christmas days in a row. She is always at her mum's on the day itself so by the time she comes to us she's pretty knackered and full of sugar and mad on treats and a late loud family night the night before. It can make her a bit crabby and acts a bit ungrateful if Santa hadn't got her exactly what she wrote on her list. This really gets to me as I was always brought up to be thoughtful about opening presents (me and my siblings always took it in turns and were never allowed to go crazy and rip things open without taking the time to appreciate what we had been given) but I try not to spoil the atmosphere by scolding her for this. Though I end up getting anxious about it weeks in advance. The older girls (23 and 19) are fine but I really only see them on special occasions, they tend to be vague about when they are arriving and have normally got 3 other places to go to after so it's never massively relaxing or enjoyable for me, but DH brought them up for 10 years from when they were 3 and 7 so I know it makes him happy to have them around. My problem is that DH wants us to spend Christmas Day together at home but doesn't really want to do anything as it doesn't feel like Christmas for him until DD is with us. I understand this but I'm finding it more and more difficult, particularly as we had a failed round of IVF this year so it seems really to emphasise the fact that I don't have a child at this time of year. Instead I feel like I'm having somebody else's Christmas for them and I'm not even doing that right (for e.g. DD thinks it's 'weird' that Santa wraps every present at our house but this isn't how it is at her mum's/or before I arrived on the scene - you'd think she'd have worked it out by now lol!). I love wrapping all the presents up, and generally I've got loads of time to kill too! DH doesn't want to spend time with either of our mothers either (both can be quite difficult and draining but live alone and 1-2 hours drive in the opposite direction from each other) or do anything else like go out (he doesn't drink) or go away. I haven't forced the issue but I'm starting to feel pretty resentful as I used to be really into lots of sociability round Christmas and I feel like we may as well be a couple of 80yr olds, not 40 (no offence to any elderly party animals). Any tips on motivating an unwilling festive fellow into making some Christmas memories just for us?

Casmama Mon 04-Dec-17 20:02:45

I would be very direct with your dhand say his Christmas Day may be on Boxing Day and you are happy to do that for him and go to a lot of effort to make it good for everyone. The very least he can do is something special with you on Christmas Day- he doesn’t want to go out - tough tittie!
He’s being really selfish and you need to call him on it.

Fueledwithfairydustandgin Mon 04-Dec-17 21:47:18

He needs to stop prioritising himself and others above you. You are entitled to a lovely special Christmas. You make an effort with his children and he needs to return the favour. Totally unfair

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