Gifts that are never acknowledged

[habibihabibi]

Definately delivered but not so much as a quick text of Thanks last Christmas.
Pondering to even bother this year.
What would you do ?

[GinisLife]

Was it family or a friend ?

[SeamusMacDubh]

Who were the recipients?

[CircleofWillis]

I’m in this situation as well with a family member. It has been 5 years no response or reciprocation for Christmas and birthday presents for her and her 3 children.

[georgie262]

I might get called rude and ungrateful here. I'm not a big present giver nor are my family, I visit people, I send cards, I love Christmas. My DH comes from a fairly large (but not close) family. My kids get multiple presents from great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins dozens of them. I'd rather not get them the children get enough at Christmas. Some of these presents are from people I've never met, never mind the children. It's up to DH to get the children (ages 2 &5) to acknowledge them but I know he doesn't. We do, of course, acknowledge gifts from Nan's grandad's aunties and uncles but this giving gifts to ever extended members of the family does my head in. I'm very close to my aunties and uncles and cousins but we don't buy presents for each other at Christmas

[AvoidingDM]

If they are people you rarely see and they don't gift to you I wouldn't bother.

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

Surely in these circumstances if you don't hear anything you don't send anything again?

And five years??? You must be mad!

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

"Five years!" was to *circleofwillis".

[KingLooieCatz]

Just stop, they're probably wondering why you haven't stopped already. It's very unlikely their Christmas will be adversely affected in the slightest by not receiving your gifts.

[habibihabibi]

CircleofWillis
Like you it's family, a sibling and nieces and nephew . I don't expect gifts in return , irs not their prority but we were brought up to always write a thank you . I've more than happy to get a msg but begrudge having to chase to see if the gifts have arrived.
It's the same as birthdays.

[MudCity]

I wouldn’t bother.

[friendlycat]

I'm in exactly the same situation. It's my god son and I do feel guilty as I haven't seen him for about 5 years and have rather lost touch with his parents over the past ten years when they firstly moved abroad and then returned to the UK but to the country. But I get no acknowledgement of birthday or Christmas presents that I send. I don't even get a birthday card or Christmas card sent to me. I know our lives have moved on but I feel a sense of commitment that I must honour birthday and Christmas for my god son even without an acknowledgement but it does get to me.

[TotemIcePole]

I wouldnt bother either.

[elQuintoConyo]

In the days after Christmas (but not the 25th itself) , i'll stealthily take photos of our dc playing with/enjoying various toys. I'll then post them to the senders on whatsapp. I might get the odd posed photo or small video for Nana or whatever, but always something.

It is astonishingly rude to never thank a giver in some way. I only recently text an aunt of mine a photo of ds engrossed in some fuzzy felt that she had given him over two years ago - still enjoying it - she was delighted. I had thanked her at the time, just to be clear!

I'd just stop to be honest. The same with godchildren you haven't seen for 5 years - what do you buy? How do you know their likes/hobbies?

I don't give gifts to be thanked, nor do i receive gifts and not give thanks.

[friendlycat]

That's the problem I have to guess. Things like battery operated remote helicopter, leather wallet or rugby ball. Amazon voucher etc. But I'm getting cheesed off with it now with no thanks or acknowledgement!

[Goshthatwentwell]

I have the same thing with my nieces and nephews. I am baffled. I was round about a week after two of them had birthdays and neither mentioned their gifts despite my subtle attempts to raise the day with them.
I didn't push it because they may of not liked them and I don't want them to feel pressured but a quick thank you would have been great.

[CircleofWillis]

Mine is my sister her DP and her three children. She never joins the family for Xmas day but always goes round to my parent house a few days later to collect the presents. We are generally just up for the day so don’t see her. I couldn’t imagine buying presents for all my other siblings and leaving her out but the fact that she doesn’t even send a thank you txt is annoying. I don’t confront her about it as I know she will think it is about her not getting a present for me my DH or my daughter but I really don’t mind. I would just love a thank you rather than what feels like a resentful silence. I would also like to know if the children liked what I carefully picked out for them.

[CircleofWillis]

Plus she always puts comments on FB about how hard done by she is at Christmas.

[oldlaundbooth]

Same thing with SIL.

Sent the kids gifts, in particular a cute dress for 1 year old dniece from Boden, my brother emailed to say thanks. Fair enough. SIL is on fbook all the time but never posted a pic of the kids in any of the clothes I bought, does with stuff that other people bought though. OK, whatever.

SIL's 40th birthday, I spent £25 on flowers from M and S for her, delivered. Brother emailed to say thanks. Not a peep from her, not even a Facebook message.

No more presents for her I'm afraid. Just bloody rude. Does the women not have a tongue in her head?

[oldlaundbooth]

FWIW I've NEVER had a gift off her, for me or my DC'S.

[hashtagelfie]

Ah what's that phrase....? You don't give to receive. And expecting a "thanks" still comes under the receiving category
But if you want to give them gifts, don't if you don't, but never buy and expect anything back

[HuskyMcClusky]

You don't give to receive. And expecting a "thanks" still comes under the receiving category

No it doesn’t. I don’t get this phrase at all.

Saying thank you is just manners. Of course we expect people to treat us politely. It doesn’t mean that getting the thanks was the purpose of giving the gift.

[hashtagelfie]

* It doesn’t mean that getting the thanks was the purpose of giving the gift.*

So why is the OP asking if she should stop giving gifts because she isn't getting a thank you? She is clearly expecting it in return and making her present buying decisions based on whether she gets the desired response. That, in my eyes, it's giving with the expectation to receive

Yes a thank you is politeness, and it should be done, but isn't always and I don't personally think you should refuse to buy any more gifts purely because you haven't been thanked. To me, that's saying I'm only buying you presents so I can get the praise to feel good. Buying the gift and knowing the children will be happy should be reason enough to feel good. If it isn't then just stop.

[RaeSkywalker]

Had this with my cousin- the ‘rule’ in our extended family is that we acknowledge the children for birthdays and Christmas, but not adults.

He’s 20 years older than me, and has 4 DC. I bought presents for his children for years with no thank you at all. Fine, I do think it’s rude, but that’s the way he is.

I had DS a year ago- I wasn’t expecting a gift, but a card would’ve been nice. Nothing. I invited him and his family to DS’s Birthday last week, mainly because I knew my lovely aunt would be hurt if I didn’t. They turned up, didn’t acknowledge DH or DS at all, and gave DS a card (no gift) which said “Happy Birthday! Hope it’s the best one yet!” inside. It’s his FIRST birthday, he hasn’t got any others to compare it to!!

He’s just so thoughtless and selfish. I’m not sure what to do about Christmas now.

[Theducksarenotmyfriends]

Do they buy you presents in return and you send thanks? What's their response to that?

I keep sending my brother and his kids presents every Xmas and never have a response (which is fine), but now the last few years they don't bother even sending a card which I find a bit weird. I just send little token gifts now rather than trying to put loads of effort into it.