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Christmas Family Advice Needed!

(3 Posts)
VivaJen Thu 09-Nov-17 20:35:50

I need some advice on how to handle this and I apologise for how long this saga is. For the last few years since DB met DSil they have alternated families on Christmas Day. Last year they were with DSil's family on Christmas Day and then came to us on NYD and that with the first year with DNephew. The plan therefore for this year was for them to be with us (Me, DH, DM, DF & DGran) on Christmas Day, this had been discussed, everyone was happy with it.

However, last weekend DB mentioned that we might need to change our plans because DSil's brother and partner and uncle and his partner were all going to be away and that left DSil's sister & her family to be with DSil's parents on Christmas Day but they hadn't decided what they are doing yet and might go and spend Christmas with her husband's family.

So the new suggested plan is that my family go and spend Christmas with DB, DSiL and her parents. On paper this doesn't sound like the end of the world but it's causing a lot of tension.

I don't want to cause any dramas or family arguments about this but I am annoyed. Actually more than annoyed. The plans have been in place for years but we have to sit about and twiddle our thumbs waiting for the sister & family to decide what they are doing and then just jump and change our plans. I understand that DSil doesn't want her parents to be on their own for Christmas and I would never want mine to be on their own but I just feel it shows a complete lack of consideration.

The other issues are that her parents are complete bores and the thought of spending Christmas with them fills me with dread, my DH and my DF do not want to go at all (my DF has health issues and he really would not be comfortable spending the day with them).

I know it's just one day and it doesn't matter if you have Christmas on the 24th, 25th, 26th or whenever but I have spent a lot of time planning and organising and I've paid deposits and ordered food. It would also be our first Christmas Day with DNephew which is a really big deal for my Mum & Dad.

It's coming on the back of a couple of other issues, where DB & DSil have taken our side of the family for granted and been quite selfish. I don't want to cause any arguments so I truly would like some advice on how to handle it. Thanks

girlywhirly Thu 09-Nov-17 21:33:56

Are you the one hosting? I can see how annoying it is when people can’t make up their minds and stick to it.

I would be inclined to stick to your original plan of you, DH, DM, DF and DGRAN. If DB, SIL and DN can come on Christmas day, great. If not, say you’ll see them Boxing Day and do presents with them then. I don’t think you should feel obliged to entertain SIL’S parents. I feel sorry that your parents are likely to miss seeing DN. Is there any chance of them spending at least part of Christmas Day with you, come for tea for example?

KC225 Fri 10-Nov-17 09:13:20

I think girlywhirly is right, carry on as before. Why should you all traipse round to them for a miserable time. Stick to the original plan. Do they live far away? Could her parents ust come for Christmas dinner?

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