WIBU to make myself a stocking?

[PurpleYam]

My family never did or do Christmas. But it's important to dh, so we have always done it with our dc. I've always gone along with it and entered into the spirit of it - the giving presents bit is fun, and feasting is nice, too. Dh and I do all the prepping, cooking, buying, wrapping, stocking-filling etc together.

FC filled the stockings, so only the dc hung them up. The year the dc all finally knew about FC, I secretly prepared a stocking for dh, too. I have done so every year since then, putting out a filled stocking for dh when he's not looking, rather than getting him to hang one up the night before. The first year he was surprised, but not since. He always seems pleased to find it. The dc have got used to him having one, and ask him what he got.

So now I'm the only one who doesn't have a stocking. This will be the fourth year.

AIBU to think that I shouldn't have to ask for one?

It's not that I need a stocking, its about being considered. Everyone now knows that the stockings are stuffed with gifts carefully chosen by Mum and Dad. Even the dc are starting to add their own gifts to each other's stockings. So why am I being left out?

WIBU to make myself a stocking? I don't want to come across PA. If I unpack it happily and with pleasure, and openly, I don't think it would be PA? And if dh takes the hint, well and good. And if he does not, then I can continue making myself a stocking of things I really want every year.

[HandbagCrazy]

YANBU if you want a stocking, but unless your husband is a selfish person, I don’t really understand why you can’t just tell him you feel left out and ask him to organise a stocking for you this year.
It’s like that saying - would you rather be right or happy? Your DH should have realised by now that you’re left out so you shouldn’t have to ask BUT to get what you want, asking is the easiest way to achieve it.

Maybe buy a stocking now and let the family know you have it and comment that you are looking forward to finding out what treats you get this Christmas (but again, you’ll need to ask your DH to buy stuff for it).

[Chillywhippet]

We are in same situation now that all kids know who does stockings. I'm going to buy 2 stockings for DH and me and plan to give mine to
DH on 1st December and tell him to fill it

Could you just be upfront and do that? My DH just needs a shove.

We do family secret Santa. Everyone gets an envelope with £10 and someone's name in. We open these presents at dinner so people sneak them onto their recipient's chair or place setting. It means the kids thinks hard about buying for one person. I might put the amount up his year.

[chanie44]

Tell him to get you a stocking and give him a list of ideas to get him started. I do all of the xmas shopping and this includes the in laws. OH hates shopping so I just give him a list of the stuff I’d like and let him choose.

[PurpleYam]

You make good points. It would be nice if he did subtle and took hints, but after over 20y I do need to face up to it - he doesn't!

So I will have to spell it out to him.

But what do I do with the things I've already bought for myself? Tell him I've given him a head start for this year?

[Chillywhippet]

Well it depends what you have bought and how tight your finances are I guess.

I mentioned the new stocking plan at a new year party last year. DH pulled a face. I turned to my friends and asked what they would put in a stocking for me - quick as a flash they said, gin, Baileys, dark chocolate, Neals Yard bath stuff, Nice socks... Not so difficult. One trip to Waitrose would do it.

Thanks Purple. You have hardened my resolve. I'm going to be part of the having treats not just giving treats.

So can you just use up what you've bought to treat yourself before Christmas or have you gone all out on the pampering and it would be too decadent?

[SeaToSki]

My DH and I do stockings for each other. After a couple of years of crappy stuff in mine, I give him a head start by picking out some things myself. He adds his bits and we are all happy.

[flingingmelon]

I’ve given up being subtle. In Waitrose last week I made DH and DS take a photo of the cook book I want for Xmas. It’s the only way I’ll get something nice.

Tell him you want a stocking and give him the ‘head start’ gifts. I’d let him know what percentage he still needs to arrange just to be on the safe side

[wonkylegs]

I do a stocking for everyone who is staying at ours on xmas eve.
Kids ones have the most thought, adults ones tend to be sweets/chocolate, something to read, something to do, something funny, lip balm, shower gel/ moisturiser, xmas socks & a satsuma.
I put stuff in mine that's a bit nicer than the stuff I would usually buy myself. So santa got me a lovely face cream last year, some Bobbi brown lip balm etc
I don't care it's not a surprise it's just nice to be able to open them with the kids.
My actual presents are a surprise

[PurpleYam]

I trawl the charity shops for stocking fillers, especially books and dvds. So, no, I haven't spent much! All of, oooh, £3 per person so far But I always put funny or silly socks and undies in the stockings, and I was planning on getting something rather nicer than ASDA's finest for myself.

[dissapointedafternoon]

Buy yourself a fucking sack.

And leave a note in your husbands stocking which tells him to do it next year.

Also leave his stocking out this year

[SymphonyofShadows]

We don't do stockings, apart from for DS2, who still believes. The fact that I do every bloody thing for Christmas means I feel no guilt in having two a beauty advent calendar, as something nice for me (M&S & No7 so not totally extravagant). DP tries but gifts can either be great or really bad, but I don't think I'm hard to buy for.

[TheWoollybacksWife]

My adult children do mine and DH's stockings. There are some items/categories that are always there (sweets/undies/socks) and some things that are surprises. Last year for example, I had a gorgeous rosewood crochet hook as one of my bits. I prefer a stocking with lots of lovely bits to a big present though.

[Annwithnoe]

But if you do your own stocking it will be assumed for all the years to come that you are the person who fills the stockings and you'll be left doing it forever!

i think you shouldask tell your family that you'd like a stocking this year and then quietly and privately enjoy whatever it is you've already bought for yourself as a reward for having that awkward conversation.

[CotswoldStrife]

If you'd rather your DH did it for you then I think you need to be direct with him! He hasn't got the message so far, so I wouldn't hold out any hope in that direction. Keep the bits that you've already got though don't hand them over

For the past couple of years, I have done stockings for the family including myself. The most-used item I've bought myself so far is a small cafetiere, a little bit of daily joy that was a bargain from the chazza (charity shop). I bought a book from the chazza the other day with the intention of wrapping it for my own stocking.

[Doseydots]

I do my own stocking no fill it up with luxuries I would normally feel guilty buying. In fact my stocking is usually the best one on the day!

[Appuskidu]

Either tell your DH to do yours or stop doing his!

[PurpleYam]

I think I'll keep the things I bought for myself, and put an empty stocking in dh's. He'll no doubt ask what it is - and I'll tell him it's for him to fill for me next year

[dissapointedafternoon]

@PurpleYam great idea 😬

[dissapointedafternoon]

Or fill his stocking for yourself with a note from santa telling him to hand over the goods