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Siblings. Do you spend the same or not?

(39 Posts)
Cleanermaidcook Sat 28-Oct-17 23:31:12

Just totted up what we've bought and I've spent around £400 on dd9 and only £200 on ds8.
Thing is dd has got smaller more expensive gifts while ds has a couple of big lego sets and other less expensive bits that he'll be more than happy with.
So do I now go and buy him something else or is it OK to spend vastly different amounts?
Ds will have a bigger pile, dd's cost more.
There is nothing else ds has asked for, it would probably be a bike to make up the difference.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sat 28-Oct-17 23:33:17

No, it doesn't matter as long as they're both happy. It'll even out in the end.

madmother1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:35:24

Wow, that's a lot of money to spend!!!!

MegBusset Sat 28-Oct-17 23:36:23

No. Mine are 8 and 10 and have no concept of the total cost of their presents - as long as they both have a reasonable pile then they're happy!

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername Sat 28-Oct-17 23:40:44

Yabu. ...simply for having done your Xmas shopping gringrin

Cleanermaidcook Sat 28-Oct-17 23:41:14

See, up till this year they've had around the same amounts spent and similar size piles, it's just worked out that way.
This is the first year dd has asked for tech type stuff which is expensive but small.

Madmother we've no family so the only gifts they get come from us and we budget for it.

Slaylormoon Sat 28-Oct-17 23:43:09

Probably wouldn't feel right spending as much as £200/double in difference between children as it can be more obvious than you realise, but I don't usually fuss over it being an exact equal either.

RJnomore1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:45:45


I view them as individuals who have different needs and wants and aim to meet them rather than view it as a financial balance.

I would not however buy one an iPhone and one a Terry's chocolate orange.

WaxOnFeckOff Sun 29-Oct-17 00:46:15

In theory no, you don't have to spend the same if Dc are happy and there is a massive difference between what your money buys for a 3 year old or a 13 year old.

However, I also have two DC a year apart and I think with such a little gap there shouldn't be such a big difference. Has DD asked for something that you thing DS might be looking for next year? If so, I'd leave it as is and you know that his will be higher and will be getting equivalent gift at the same age DD received it. If that's not likely then, whilst I wouldn't buy him something for the sake of it, I'd be tempted to redress the balance a bit or pop some extra cash away towards a bigger gift at his birthday?

Floralnomad Sun 29-Oct-17 00:58:32

Mine are 24 &18 and we've never price matched , I do like them to have a similar number within 2/3 presents but that's all , I figure it all works out over the years eventually .

Chocolatecake12 Sun 29-Oct-17 07:20:18

I always make sure mine have an equal amount of gifts rather than spending an equal amount, I think over the years it will work out equal anyway.

GingleBelle Sun 29-Oct-17 07:50:02

We try to have roughly the same number of things to open (eg, one of our DDs might have an extra present to unwrap) and we try for there not to be too much of a discrepancy in spend - but it doesn't always work out that way because of their ages....

DD1 is nearly 11. Mostly she would love a phone this year - and with secondary school and independence that brings, we plan to get her one.
DD2 is nearly 6. She loves toys! It is far easier to spend less to get the same wow factor for her.
As a result, DD1 will have 4 presents from us to open (iPhone, watch, books, eyebot), DD2 will have 5 presents (Sylvanian theatre, sylvanian lighthouse, books, 2 x Lego sets) . But DD1's gifts will have cost us about £50 more in total....

why12345 Sun 29-Oct-17 08:31:28

Money wise no but maybe the same amount to unwrap? It's easy to bulk stuff out without spending much money on it I wouldn't go spending an extra £200 though.

Cleanermaidcook Sun 29-Oct-17 08:39:51

Thanks. They have the same amount of presents, justhe the big price difference was bothering me but might leave it and keep an ear out to see if ds mentions anything else.

Floralnomad Sun 29-Oct-17 08:43:54

Mine have never mentioned cost , they get more or less what they want plus some extra stuff we think of and the day anybody turns round and says 'you spent more on him/ her ' will be the day I stop buying very much at all .

MuddlingThroughLife Sun 29-Oct-17 08:49:52

When mine were younger I always used to spend the most on eldest and least on youngest. As youngest always had big boxes of toys it never made a difference and looked like they all had roughly the same.

They are now 16, 13 and 10 and the last few years I've tried to keep the spend roughly the same. This year however dd1 would like a laptop, dd2 a tablet (but I'm thinking chromebook) which are two expensive items. So ds the youngest will probably have the least spent but look like the most!

It differs year to year.

TheTurnOfTheScrew Sun 29-Oct-17 08:51:55

not necessarily
i try to even things out a bit with a similar number of "bigger" presents and littler things
but I have one who's reached the age of Tech, and another who's still after cuddlies from the Disney Store. I don't see the need to buy an iPhone-worth of cuddlies IYSWIM.

Cleanermaidcook Sun 29-Oct-17 09:14:13

Floral they have not mentioned the cost, they have no idea hown much things are and still believe in Santa. The guilt on spending such a a lot more on one than the other is entirely mine.

Pinkiepromisex Sun 29-Oct-17 09:18:59

Don’t think it matters if they both get what they want. Last year did got an iPhone and da a bike, both big pressies but about £200 difference in cost. This year da wants a Nintendo switch which is dearer than the bits did has asked for. It all evens out in the end and it’s pointless spending money on things they don’t want or need just to even out cost that they won’t even notice.

Pinkiepromisex Sun 29-Oct-17 09:19:48

Dd and ds autocorrect!!!

CocoPuffsinGodMode Sun 29-Oct-17 09:33:32

With children close in age who still believe in Santa but have little understanding of price, I’d only be concerned with keeping the number of gifts largely equal as I think a difference there is something they’d notice.

They’re both (presumably) getting the gifts they want so what would you have to feel guilty about? If you allow X cost to become a “target” you’ll just end up buying for the sake of buying. When they’re older and more aware of these things then fine but right now you’re seeing an issue where there isn’t one.

Floralnomad Sun 29-Oct-17 11:06:49

I have not seen any requests yet this year but I'm pretty sure dd will ask for about £40 of books and ds I know wants a new coat and usually wants x box games so we are looking at a big difference this year . Last year dd had a new iPad , she hadn't asked for it but had been moaning about the old one, so the total on her bits and pieces was about £700 and I reckon we only spent about £250-300 on what ds wanted .

Crumbs1 Sun 29-Oct-17 15:27:28

We’ve never worried too much about balancing the cost. When the family were younger, the babies didn’t have any concept so generally we spent more on the older ones. We had limited spending money then so had to balance needs.
Through teens it was about it appearing as if we’d been fair - each receiving things they needed and things they wanted. So one might have had a new bicycle but another needed a violin upgrade. They wouldn’t know specific costs. .

Now we do according to needs/wants. As half are buying houses/flats we’ll maybe spend more because it will be furniture or useful items for the house. We’ll probably do some nice things they wouldn’t be able to afford but want - a painting or clock etc then generally useful things like bedside tables for the spare room and nice sets of nice towels. The student ones will want clothes/ travel things probably so won’t cost as much. They’ll be fine knowing their turn will come.

OvOntToSuckYourBlood Sun 29-Oct-17 15:35:18

No, I don't even add up what I've spent on either of my DS's.

While they can be typical poop faces (can you tell by my my insults that I have a 9 year old? fgrin) they have never seemed to have any interest in if the piles match or how much was spent.

I have 2 sisters and I don't ever remember comparing either.

So I don't worry that one will feel like the other is the favourite. They know I think they suck the same amount. wink

jaykay34 Sun 29-Oct-17 22:25:37

It sounds as if you have managed to get your children exactly what they want - and presents do tend to be more expensive (but less of) as they get older. I don't think that you need to spend any extra, just to make the cost up - you have done a very good job, and I doubt either of them will notice !

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