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Present buying

(5 Posts)
user1482181011 Mon 19-Dec-16 21:25:17

I have 1 DS, my cousin has 3 children, for the last 5 years my cousin has completely forgotten my DS birthday and not even sent a card, 6 years ago my cousin announced that my DS would not receive an Xmas present as they were too skint with having their own kids. They didn't announce this until after they'd got my gifts to thier kids though!!! As I get on so well with my cousins mum (my Aunt) and she never ever misses my DS birthday, Xmas or any special occasion I've continued to get my cousins kids cards and presents at birthdays. I also send my cousin and partner birthday cards too but I've never received one back in like 9 years. This year I've decided enough is enough as if they know they get cards off me for birthdays but don't remember to send my DS one I don't think I should bother anymore. The same I have decided for Christmas this year, they get far too much anyway and probably don't even notice my gifts amongst the tonnes they already have. However I'm worried it will upset my Aunt as I don't think she's aware of the fact they've ignored my DS and my birthdays and my DS at Xmas for the last 6 years. They don't live nearby either so any gifts were always sent by the Aunt yo them. Am I being to sensitive? Surely they cannot expect me to continue to fork out for 3 birthdays and 3 Xmas's when my 1 DS gets nothing. They are not short of money anymore either, seem to be raking in the cash in fact according to my Aunt. I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not being mean and I'm justified in my thoughts.

chocolateworshipper Mon 19-Dec-16 22:17:06

I think the age of the children may make some difference. I hate to take things out on the kids when it's actually the fault of the parents. If they are young, maybe send something but make it cheaper? If older, I think it would be easier to stop sending. You are not being at all unreasonable though. Couldn't you explain what's happened to your aunt?

user1482181011 Tue 20-Dec-16 07:23:13

I sort of see your point on the age thing but still I don't even see the kids, they never even visit the Aunt (grandma) let alone me and my DS, it's always my Aunt having to go to them. They are always visiting some friends of theirs who live 20 mins from us but never call in, I've gone out my way to drive the distance to them on numerous visits. They are the same with my brother and his kids, they don't send cards or buy them anything either but my brother is a male so sees it black and white, if his kids get nothing then the cousins kids get nothing and my brothers children came along after the proclamation that they have no money anyway. If I tell my Aunt it's likely that she'll fall out with me rather than her own and my Aunt was a good help to me with my own DS with childcare as her own grandchildren never visit her so my DS was treated by her like an extra grandchild. I tried the buying cheap thing last year too, and I made a point of putting my DS birthday all over FB thinking they may send a belated card, still nothing. My Aunt is a lovely person but wouldn't want to upset the DIL with mentioning this, the DIL is extremely possessive and controlling and in the past has been completely mean to my Aunt regarding her being allowed to visit the kids when my Aunt has been seen by the DIL to over ride her rules and routine. I am still going to send Xmas and birthday cards but i think I'm sticking to my guns here on the gift thing.

kath6144 Tue 20-Dec-16 08:15:11

Op - you are totally justified, in fact I cant believe that you have kept on so long when they have ignored you!

I have had similar with my DB - any perceived slight to him resulted in nothing to my 2 for xmas and birthdays for a year or 2, then he would re-start buying for a while until he decided to stop again.

I always kept buying my niece, as it isn't her fault her dad is a twat and I wanted to keep the moral high ground. Plus wanted to keep the peace with my mum, who would always side with him, the golden child, even though she knew he wasn't buying!!

However, after a massive fall out 2 yrs ago, he immediately stopped buying mine and I know will never restart. He even had the audacity to remind me of his DDs birthday last year. I had already got her card and a cheque ready to post so sent as normal, but decided there and then to stop.

He did drop some hints before DN's recent 21st but I ignored, after all he ignored DS's 18th.

I am not usually petty and don't buy to receive but there comes a point when it feels they are making an idiot of you!

Send cards if you want (we dont even do that now) but stop sending presents. Do as your brother does. If your Aunt questions it, just say your DC has received nothing in return for years. Be honest.

user1482181011 Tue 20-Dec-16 10:12:40

Thanks Kath 6144, I feel more confident now, I'm too soft and my family do take advantage of my soft nature. Some people are just so self centred they don't see their behaviour is inflammatory, sorry about your DB being that way with your children but you stood up to it and stopped being made to look an idiot so all credit to you. Merry Christmas to you x

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