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Christmas presents...feeling guilty.

(89 Posts)
ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 10:03:47

This year xmas shopping was started late because I have had housing issues. And now my money has been halved. And it won't get sorted out till after Xmas.. I have bought 19 year old Dd 12 gifts and they are all things she had asked for. I also said I would give her 100 in cash. But now my money has been halved. It going to be really hard. So I told her I can't give it to her for xmas day but she will get it before new year. But she's made me feel really guilty. I don't feel I should feel guilty. But I'm fighting with myself not to. I think it's because I always aim for xmas to be 100% what they want. This year it's not.

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 10:04:33

Should adjust I have 5 other kids so she's not an only child

AndShesGone Mon 19-Dec-16 10:09:36

She's 19. I think she would get a few choice words if it was me.


frazzledbutcalm Mon 19-Dec-16 10:10:24

I think at 19 years old your dd has a VERY selfish attitude!

Sorry you're having a tough time at the moment flowers

Christmas also doesn't have to be about dc getting 100% what they want and having a 100% fantastic day ... life just doesn't work that way.

Hope you get back on your feet soon, please don't give yourself a hard time, you sound like you're a great mum trying her best. fsmile

MTWTFSS Mon 19-Dec-16 10:10:25

A 19 year old who is already receiving 12 gifts does not need £100 in cash!!! 12 gifts is more than my DC are getting!

Hoppinggreen Mon 19-Dec-16 10:15:18

My DC aren't getting 12 presents each and I'm not struggling financially.
Nobody needs that many presents and certainly not cash as well.

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 10:15:52

Yes logically I agree. I think over the years I have made a rod for my own back.. I normally start in August. So I'm normally ok. I did not start till mid October this year.

I do keep meaning to cut back on Xmas. And make birthdays a bigger thing so I have gaps in saving for them.

I know she's being ungrateful really but still makes me feel bad

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 19-Dec-16 10:18:19

A 19 year old who is already receiving 12 gifts does not need £100 in cash!!!

^ this

Your DD is more than aware of what is happening.

I'd be telling her to stop being so selfish.

MoreThanUs Mon 19-Dec-16 10:18:42

Thinking of yore precious threads, you could encourage her to get a job if she wants money!

You are doing a good job in tough circumstances - don't let a grown woman guilt you about anything.

MoreThanUs Mon 19-Dec-16 10:19:13

*your previous

Ohdearducks Mon 19-Dec-16 10:21:07

She's acting like spoilt brat, tell her she can bloody sing for the £100 now.
Awful attitude when she knows you're struggling angry

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 10:23:21

She is searching for jobs without me having to kick butt. Wich I'm quite surprised about. She's had a couple of interviews. She also has one in January. Which has been set up by my niece. And she told her she's likely to get the job... fingers crossed.

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 10:27:37

I do think some of it is my fault.she's my first maybe I mummied her to much and now I'm paying fur it.

CakesRUs Mon 19-Dec-16 10:30:37

I have a 19 year old S, I'd say DS, but as he left the front door key in the front door over night he's been relegated to S for today. I think you need to just explain it to her and, if she's unhappy with it, tough - at 19 they're old enough to know, life's not fair, it's not fair your money has been halved and it's not fair for you to feel guilty about this right now as she has more than enough for christmas as it is. Don't feel guilty, you've done nothing to feel guilty about.

Soubriquet Mon 19-Dec-16 10:34:49

You know your oldest is a madam

She needs to be taken down a peg and giving her £100 will be her excuse not to find work.

She has her presents. She doesn't need money on top of that

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 10:47:01

I know...but it's just always been that way.
. But 14 yr old ds totally understands. I'm.not going to back down I can't anyway I still have the Xmas food shop to do I still have to get ds few bits. Got to get the baby couple of bits to. So it's hard cheese. I guess it would just be nice if she showed some understanding. Maybe when she's 40 never know...

VoldysGoneMouldy Mon 19-Dec-16 11:14:28

When I was 19 I was running my own home, think I got a new (asda own) steamer, some fluffy socks, shampoo and conditioner and a new mascara. All bar the steamer being what I've got every year, from my parents, since I was about 12.

She's being an utter brat. Tell her to wind her neck in.

And also, don't spend or promise money you can't afford. There's no shame in saying, to yourself or others, "things are tight". A whole Christmas can be done on £100.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Mon 19-Dec-16 13:38:29

I never got anything on a list and never asked either - if I had been given 20 quid I would have been grateful, I guess this is the lesson dont give everything they ask for!
How depressing! She has got everything and still wants more.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Mon 19-Dec-16 13:39:46

ghost have you taught her to show understanding or taught her she gets whats she asks for.

Forget it - and concentrate on the others. Some posters on here have said they cant get their dc any gifts this year sad

dingdongthewitchishere Mon 19-Dec-16 13:54:14

She's 19? She is an adult. Do not feel guilty.
I would tell her that she will have it later, but if I have one more second of her attitude, she'll have nothing. I would mean it too. So either she is pleasant, or she doesn't get that. It's not too late either to reduce the number of her christmas gifts, warn her about that too.

None of you deserve to have their Christmas spoilt by her, and I hope she won't.

Afreshstartplease Mon 19-Dec-16 14:00:10

I wouldn't be giving her the £100. The presents are more than enough. For Christmas when I was 19 I was bought baby clothes for the child I was expecting.

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 14:07:55

watching I probably have not.. but her brother 14 is completely different from here. I always ask them what they want they don't always get it but I do my best. I have been able to get her what she wants. They normally have a main present as well but she did not know what she wanted so that's why I was doing the 100 pounds.

I have not seen her over the weekend till today. She seems ok at the moment offered to wrap the kids presents ect.

sammyjayneex Mon 19-Dec-16 14:08:39

Don't feel guilty. Xmas isn't all about presents. I've not got my little ones much this year. I have 5 aged 10, 9, 5, 4 and 7 months old. I have got them very little because I don't have much money and I have been feeling guilty comparing myself to what others have got their kids. At 19 she should be more understanding and be more grateful. What does she expect you to do? She's very lucky at 19 to have a mum like you who buys her 12 gifts!!! I was living on my own pregnant at 17, then I had a baby at 18 and my mother got me nothing for Xmas and birthdays so she's very lucky!

ghostspirit Mon 19-Dec-16 14:29:42

I.think it's because I remember having lots of presents and having a great Xmas as a kid and i try to do the same for them.

I just have it in my thick head that one day she will say that's fine don't worry or something but I don't think she ever will.

seasidesally Mon 19-Dec-16 17:26:09

cant your DP help you out especially with the other kids

i would put them above now,she has plenty to open

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