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Does this go against the spirit of it?

(13 Posts)
oxcat1 Sun 18-Dec-16 11:00:57

Yesterday I received a decree by email that 'as we all know', we are not doing gifts this year, but should get a token gift of £5 per person, and a donation to charity.

Well, this is the first I've heard of this, and I've already bought my parents' presents, and some others, at well over £5 each as I simply didn't know before yesterday.

I now don't know what to do? I don't want to keep the presents I've bought: I really tried hard to get something I thought the recipient would like. Can I still give them? But I have a complicated relationship with ny family and often get things 'wrong.'

Second, I just have 3 adult stepsiblings and partners left to buy for. Obviously by now I know about this '£5 and charity' rule, but I was also admitted into hospital with a chest infection last week so doing any shopping is going to be difficult.

Do you think it goes against the spirit of it to use Tesco vouchers? I was thinking that £10 of points (2 x £5) could get £40 of vouchers for Cafe Rouse or somewhere. But is this in keeping with the spirit? It also looks as though I would just get an email with a booking code so everybody would know what I have done....? Good idea or bad idea? And if the latter, any idea what I could do instead, given I'm in hospital so would need to be online ....?

Bearbehind Sun 18-Dec-16 11:06:32

I'd email back and say that's fine fir next year but since no one told you live done something else this year.

I would be very hmm if I received someone else's club card vouchers as a Christmas present- I'd rather get nothing.

Bearbehind Sun 18-Dec-16 11:07:16

Live.... have

oxcat1 Sun 18-Dec-16 11:08:59

Thanks Bear.

Would you be upset even if the points
were in the form of restaurant vouchers? I mean, they'd see that I had exchanged points but they'd get £40 per couple, which should be enough for a nice meal?

Oh well. Back to the drawing board!

Bearbehind Sun 18-Dec-16 11:11:22

I'd just think the giver was either being really cheap or genuinely couldn't afford to buy me a present so I'd be uncomfortable receiving anything from them.

oxcat1 Sun 18-Dec-16 11:14:45

Ok, thanks.

To be honest, I don't have a lot of money (no income) hence trying to think creatively. However, since I have clearly spent more than that on dad and stepmum (predominantly because this is the first time I have been invited back into the family fold), so it really will just look like I'm being cheap.

Thanks anyway!

Bearbehind Sun 18-Dec-16 11:26:15

Sorry, my posts sound really mean blush

I just really hate the 'token gift' thing. I think everyone ends up with tat they don't want / need and, if you're buying for say 10, you're £50 down for the pleasure.

I'd definitely make the point you didn't know about this new arrangement so aren't doing it.

Keep your clubcard points and enjoy a meal yourself grin

moonoverthewater Sun 18-Dec-16 11:37:47

Yesterday seems a bit late to receive the email as most people have already done their Christmas shopping? Or was it sent earlier and only just been seen? I'd give the gifts you have purchased and explain you had already bought them.

bootygirl Sun 18-Dec-16 12:07:35

Could you use the voucher to buy say nice mug, DVD, chocolates girl €5. Or scarf & gloves

Check if you can return or exchange presents you bought?

oxcat1 Sun 18-Dec-16 12:09:21

Bear: no, I didn't think you were mean, and I was grateful for your opinions. I have a long history of 'getting it wrong' with my family so would much rather play it safe.

No, the message was sent yesterday, but did say 'as you know...'. I asked my brother and he said he received an email about a month ago just saying they weren't doing presents: he won't be there for Christmas so assumed that was just for him.

I suspect my stepmom has discussed it on the phone with her children but forgot that I wouldn't know.

And yes, a 'token' gift is annoying. I hate it when you end up buying something just for the sake of buying rather than because it is actually something the recipient might like.

ChristmasEvePJs Sun 18-Dec-16 12:18:10

If the bus bigger gifts are for parents I would still send them but get a Christmas plant and box of chocolates for each sibling couple. I would not turn club card points in to vouchers either.

The above could be purchased with the vouchers though.

JustSpeakSense Sun 18-Dec-16 13:06:38

I would feel very awkward receiving a gift from someone's club card vouchers, I'd rather not get a gift from them.

If I were you I'd go ahead with the presents I'd already planned and send an email back saying 'oh dear, this is the first I've heard of this plan, as I've already completed all my Christmas shopping this year and have enjoyed spoiling you all, I hope you'll enjoy the gifts I've chosen! I'm fully on board for a token gift and charity donation next year though!'

J3NN1 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:25:18

Could you exchange some of the gifts you've already bought? Or donate them somewhere (shelter,refuge women's aid etc) and take a picture of you donating them as your charity gift?
I wouldn't use the club card vouchers to turn into restaurant vouchers, even though you'd be getting more out of your points that way. I would use them to buy the £5 token presents with though.

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