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does anyone else's DH buy his own gifts?

(15 Posts)
keepbreathinginandout Sat 26-Nov-16 15:47:14

DH is only child, now mid 40s. his parents separated when he was 12. from that point on he only received token novelty xmas and birthday gifts from his DM, nothing at all from his F.
His mother refused to buy him any more gifts after his 16th birthday, citing his adulthood as the death knell for presents, so he only ever got gifts from his gp's and friends.

Needless to say if he wants something and can afford it he will buy it, even if it's in the run up to a celebration...e.g our 10th anniversary. i had my eye on a watch for him, i knew he would love it, but had to save up some money to keep it a surprise. was about £50 away from getting there when he waltzes in the door wearing it!
that isn't to say that he is a scrooge though...he gets way more enjoyment from giving gifts and seeing my reaction to surprises. (atm all our DC's want and need is money and a selection box)

I finally got pissed off with him saying "cheers luv" at gifts and setting them to one side, whilst buying what he wanted for himself, which was usually what i intended on buying him... so about 5 years ago i took to confiscating anything he bought for himself between halloween and christmas, hiding them from him, wrapping them up and presenting them to him christmas day, along with the obligatory pants/socks/toblerone. and it only bloody worked. he now gets all excited about opening his prezzies because he knows that it is exactly what he wants.... and every single year he has forgotten all about one or two of the "gifts" so he does end up getting surprised by his own generosity, lol
i do however blame his parents for his attitude towards receiving gifts. and i don't care if IABU. fuckwits the pair of them

Zaphodsotherhead Sat 26-Nov-16 16:02:05

My OH grew up in a family where they bought their own presents and simply told the giver how much money it cost, so they could be given that amount and therefore have been 'bought' the gift. I think it's bonkers. And it also means he has absolutely no idea how to go about choosing a present for anyone!

I am educating him though. With pointed comments, sometimes.

balia Sat 26-Nov-16 16:08:49

DH and I give each other small surprise gifts but tend to discuss the purchase of anything larger (so romantic, this year's gift is a new bedroom carpet). If your way works for you, why stress?

I know it's off topic, but how come he can afford to lavish money on himself when you have to 'save up' to spend the equivalent? I'd be much more hacked off by DH spending family money on luxuries for himself than about the poor poppet not having good enough surprise gifts from me.

OrianaBanana Sat 26-Nov-16 16:14:07

DH and I both buy our own presents from the other. It's either that or give each other lists of suggestions (we're not great at buying surprise gifts), but why bother? Sometimes we agree just not to get each other anything, as sometimes we're just spending money for the sake of it and neither of us is really that bothered. We do check in advance though!

One year he went to my Amazon wish list and bought things off it as a surprise, only for me to end up with things (like a re-conditioned handheld hoover) that I'd just put on there to bookmark and since decided against.

bigredfireengine Sat 26-Nov-16 16:34:28

We dont buy each other anything. We can afford to buy whatever we want and we both have very specific likes. My DH once spent 6 months choosing which scarf he wanted to but before buying it! We are in the little amount of stuff but lovely quality camp and so what we buy tends to be pricey but we dont buy much.

KellyBoo800 Sun 27-Nov-16 15:36:48

My DH will usually tell me one thing he wants and I'll buy that and a few other bits to open. I love surprising him and he never really knows what he wants to it works well.

I usually end up with thoughtful presents from him but that I just don't want - last year he spent a fortune on a lovely hairdryer for me because mine was old and not particularly good - which was lovely BUT the reason I was OK with my old hairdryer is because I very rarely use it! So as thoughtful as it was, it was a bit of a waste of money (a £20 one would have been fine!).

This year DH took me to House of Fraser and said I had £100 budget so get what I want grin he will then decide what I get for Christmas and what is for my birthday (the week before) and will get a few surprise bits to open as well. This is the first year he has done this and I am so happy about it!!

chanie44 Sun 27-Nov-16 16:15:42

I'm like your DH, OP.

I prefer to choose my own presents most of the time. Most of the items I want tend to be personal items like clothes, bags and shoes and I like what I like.

I've already bought my Xmas present from OH!!! I'd seen a handbag online that I liked, but I wanted to see it in real life before I asked OH to get it for me for Xmas. The bag then sold out online and didn't seem to be in stock in most local stores. I managed to track it down and it was discounted for Black Friday, so I bought it and gave it to OH.

aunicornisnotjustforchristmas Sun 27-Nov-16 18:27:30

I send dh a list of what I want and he buys it. And vice versa with one or two surprises thrown in.
Our tastes are very different and he would pick me what he likes and thinks I should have as opposed to what I actually like and want so it's just easier this way. Can't be disappointed when you've picked it yourself

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sun 27-Nov-16 18:31:58

Yep. Was banned from buying gifts after six months together shockgrin
It's fine. We buy our own/I say Get me that thanks. No big deal.

Silversparkle12345 Sun 27-Nov-16 19:50:20

There's nothing wrong with that . We write lists of what we want then go and by them together I find I get much more excited about my presents when I know what they are rather that leaving it to him and getting surprised (I hate surprises ) he tries bless him but I'd hate to hurt his fellings by not liking a present he bought me and vice versa x let him crack on and use the money you saved to by your self a nice Christmas present .

keepbreathinginandout Mon 28-Nov-16 21:51:59

when i said save up, i suppose i really meant squirrel away...we only have a joint account, so taking out a couple of hundred quid at a time would have been a bit obvious...his present buying has improved greatly since our first xmas together (lavender drawer liner, a box of dairy milk and a ladyshaver)
i;m not stressing i was just wondering if anyone else does this? my mum thinks it's ridiculous...but then she goes OVERBOARD at xmas...

AmberEars Mon 28-Nov-16 21:57:52

DH and I don't have a set approach to gifts. Sometimes it's a surprise, sometimes we ask each other for stuff we particularly want / need. So this year he has already chosen and bought his present (it's something he needed to try on first, so he couldn't even tell me and let me get it) and I have tucked it away till Christmas Day. If it works for both of you, I don't think it's a problem.

MummyIsAFreeElf Tue 29-Nov-16 04:13:41

I think I would prefer to buy my own presents. My OH thinks he's hilarious when it comes to buying Christmas presents. He like to do one joke present each year. I drink a lot (more than I should) of Coca-Cola... last year (to be a funny fucker) my OH thought it was hilarious to get me 240 tins of Coca-Cola and wrap them up ... I had a gut feeling he was wrapping up some tins for a laugh and said if he had I was going to shove every last one where the sun doesn't shine. On receiving 240 tins that wasn't really an option... found out I was expecting a week later and he drank more of it than I did haha

Ceaser1981 Tue 29-Nov-16 21:10:10

I prefer to be open about what i want as i hate the thought of money being spent on something that wont be used. So we give each other a list of things we would like and get some extras each that we dont know about. I also give my parents idea of what we would like.

SauvignonPlonker Tue 29-Nov-16 21:27:03

I prefer to pick my own gifts or point people in the right direction. Money has been really tight for the last few months & I have gone without. I'd really appreciate some things I can't afford for myself but really need. My family are pretty cool about things - we normally tell each other what we'd like & then we buy it.

DP went a bit mad in White Stuff last Xmas & bought me a few tops - not one of them fitted or suited me, so I had to return them. And his family bought me things that I really didn't like & wouldn't wear/use. They are "surprise present" people. I return/exchange what I can, but often I am left with things I'm not keen on. Seems such a waste of money, especially when things are tight.

I guess everyone's different.

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