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They're Trying to Change Christmas! #firstworldproblems

(10 Posts)
NerdMammy92 Mon 21-Nov-16 19:49:17

I have been with my other half for almost 8 years. I get along well with his family and feel they are my own now aswell. We've spent a couple of Christmases and MIL's house and this year I'd like to stay at home.

But that's not the problem. This year one of the in laws suggested we do Secret Santa. Not because money is a problem for any of them {it really isn't} but so our gifts can be "better" if we spend more money on just one person. It found this quite offensive because me and my OH don't earn a lot of money, but are gifts are always thoughtful and never "shitty". And I've always been a traditionalist and like putting thought into what I buy for others. I don't come from a family with money but we all like to buy small but meaningful gifts at Christmas because it's the only time of the year we get to do it.
Now I know they say Christmas isn't just about presents, but to many it's an important part of it. I also feel pressured into saying yes, and I KNOW the in laws would have a lot to say if I said I wasn't taking part {because I seem to be the only one at the minute unhappy with this} and I also think my OH wants to do it although he was say. It's the usual "whatever you want to do".

AIBU or selfish to think this way? Should I just agree with what they want? Or should I speak my mind and be the hero to my own Christmas? Please help, it's so frustrating and really stressing me out! hmm

user1477282676 Mon 21-Nov-16 21:14:31

I'm possibly not the best person to answer this as I think that adults buying presents for umpteen adult Aunts, uncles, cousins etc is silly.

I think Secret Santas are the best idea where adults are concerned because it means much less shopping and fussing about.

Yes you only get one present but as an adult, do you really need more? If you enjoy buying them and wrapping them, maybe do some for charity?

bigredfireengine Mon 21-Nov-16 21:17:55

We went to buying 1 decent gift rather than loads of tat. Each person wrote 3 items on a list and the buyer chose 1. £50 each rather than buying loads of people a cheap gifts. It was great. Now we don't buy anything which is even better!

Children were not included.

You are adults- I would go for no gifts at all and just spend the cash on yourselves.

Your post sounds a bit like you are researching for the daily mail.

lauryloo Mon 21-Nov-16 21:21:23

We do a secret santa for the adults in the family. Means each person gets one nice gift. Saves everyone lots of time and expense

Stillunexpected Mon 21-Nov-16 21:22:41

Don't see the problem. You still get to put thought into a meaningful gift, it's just a larger one than usual? If you are staying home, presumably you and your partner can give each other as many gifts as you want and you will get gifts from your family as well as the secret santa one so you are hardly going to be completely deprived?

elQuintoConyo Mon 21-Nov-16 21:29:12

I'd like to buy whoever thunk up Secret Santa a pint of gin! I don't buy for adults. Even DH and I don't buy for each other.

We buy for children and a bottle of wine if/when we are visiting.

bigredfireengine Mon 21-Nov-16 21:41:14

Even DH and I don't buy for each other.

We don't buy for each other. We have shared money and so I dont see the point. We may get a favourite chocolate if one of us is passing the shop.

user1477282676 Mon 21-Nov-16 21:44:11

BigRed same here! It's odd when the money is shared....might as well buy yourself a gift! And even more so if you're telling your partner or DH what it is you want!

My friend was confused when I'd once had a bit of a fall out with DH and she said "Oh when he's crawling back and saying sorry, you can ask him to buy you X thing"

And I said "Why would I do that? It's all our money?" confused

We're more likely to agree on a budget and shop together for some treats.

Thirtyrock39 Mon 21-Nov-16 21:51:13

We did this last year with my family it was loads better though got complicated as one sibling was single and ended up being a bit awkward of who got a couple or a single and how much to spend per couple etc but I much preferred it . Meant spending time and money choosing one gift rather than just whizzing through Amazon trying to get everyone sonething half decent under £15
Annoyingly they don't want to do it this year but do gifts under £10 - will end up more expensive and take ages and will end up buying things that people probably don't really want or need

LittleReindeerwithcloggson Mon 21-Nov-16 22:15:18

We don't do gifts for adults at all but if we did I would definitely be in favour of secret Santa

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