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When do kids stop believing? Also do you ever confirm or ask if they still believe??

(42 Posts)
movingforward2016 Wed 16-Nov-16 15:26:34

So my dd is 10 and last year asked if santa is real? I said well yes he is and if you don't believe he won't give presents!

This year she must surely know he's not real! How do I find out if she knows or not?

If she didn't believe in santa I could have more honest conversations about what she wants etc! As she wants some uggs that can't be found and I could show her other ones she might like! But if she does still believe I don't want to ruin it for her confused

blackhairbrush Wed 16-Nov-16 15:29:19

As you've said she won't get presents if she doesn't believe, I doubt she will tell you.

MidnightVelvetthe7th Wed 16-Nov-16 15:33:14

In my experience its usually done the rounds of the school class by age 8 that Santa isn't real. My 8 year old asked me outright & I said he's not real but I'd like to keep it going for his younger DS & he wasn't allowed to tell his classmates.

So DS1 is all proud that he's grown up enough to be in on the secret & DS2 still has the magic of believing.

Saying that though, I make it clear that Santa only brings one thing & the rest are from us & family. So this year Santa will bring DS2 a bike but me & DP & our family will buy the rest.

I'd have thought that by now your DD knows its not real & maybe she is preserving the story & pretending each year for you?

DiegeticMuch Wed 16-Nov-16 15:35:13

I'm sure she knows TBH.

Stella08 Wed 16-Nov-16 15:35:33

DD 14 and DS 13 don't bother asking now, I'm sure they know but they know how much effort I put into Christmas and I think they don't want to spoil it for me as I will never confirm it to them. I just say 'you know my thoughts on this matter' and they just smile and nod knowingly. DD7 still believes and hasn't even questioned me yet.
I will NEVER say the words so it'll be an unsaid thing in our house forever.

ibelieveindragons Wed 16-Nov-16 15:38:29

Man I am tired of these threads on here I think I may log off til the new year. Christmas is Christ-mass a time when we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. It's about love and charity, peace, being with the ones we love and giving to others. F**ing Father Christmas! When I was growing up he bought you a stocking with a few small toys, a sugar mouse, a walnut and a satsuma. (Saint Nicholas dropped presents into the socks of children who were very poor.) my presents came from my family so I could see the care and love with which they were chosen and write thank you cards. And this is how I'll raise my child! We'll play along with Father Christmas to the stocking extent, it's part of festivities like the tree and decorations but he isn't the be all and end all. And you shouldn't lie to your kids or make them think life is all about presents and getting what they want. Rant over. Going to hide in a cave now until Black Friday is over, American twaddle. (Sorry if that sounds horrible, I'm not having a go at parents who are just trying their best, but society as a whole for getting us in this consumer driven mess)

mumsiedarlingrevolta Wed 16-Nov-16 15:39:28

I adore Christmas. I have never actually had the conversation with either DS(now aged 20 and 18 grin because there was always a younger DC believing and we all just got on with it. When DD was about 11 (not sure age exactly-but she was a late believer because she wanted to be) she asked me directly. here is what I had her read

MsHybridFanGirl Wed 16-Nov-16 16:01:49

DD has just turned 11 and I'm sure she doesn't believe anymore but is simply going along with it.
Only her stocking and one present is from Santa anyway - the rest from mum, dad and parents.
I'm a TA in year 5 and lots of children discuss what santa is bringing so lots of them still believe smile

WellErrr Wed 16-Nov-16 16:19:54

I think the best answer to this with an older child is 'Christmas will always be a magic time, and I believe because it's fun to believe, regardless of who actually buys the presents.'

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Wed 16-Nov-16 17:24:45

A dd told me at 8 (IIRC) that she knew Father Christmas was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it.
So I did, with strict instructions not to say a word to her younger sister, or anyone else who still believed.

Many years later, when she was in her 20s, she told me she'd been DYING for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a bit longer! I so wish I had...

Believing or not, though, they still got stockings, and in late 30s still do if they're staying here - come to that, so does everyone under our roof at Christmas.

But in our house, and ditto when I was little, Father Christmas only ever brought little things in stockings. Other or bigger presents were from parents or other family - and any from people who weren't present required a thank you letter.

UterusUterusGhali Wed 16-Nov-16 18:11:17

Give over, Ibelieve.
Christmas was a pagan festival that Christians nicked. We'd be celebrating anyway, regardless of whether Christianity reached the uk or not.

Anyhoo, my DD is 14 and has never asked. I prefer it that way.
I guessed at about 5.

I think my junior aged son has an idea at 8.

UterusUterusGhali Wed 16-Nov-16 18:11:55

getting same for me. I wanted DMum to deny it fgs.

Bobsmum02 Wed 16-Nov-16 18:22:37

My Dd is 10 and this last few weeks she has started to say to me things like 'mum I know he's not real you know' my strategy has been to just sort of agree without making it a big announcement that he's not real if you see what I mean. She is still playing along for the sake of her younger brother.

Disclaimer: she is still adamant that she believes in elves though so I'm not sure what to do about that lol!

SpartaCarcass Wed 16-Nov-16 18:27:16

My DD (year 5) still believes. She reminded me in an elaborate story of "what Santa did" ... a few years ago. She wouldn't have told it that way if she didn't still believe it.

My younger son has asked me a question similar to "is Father Christmas real?"
I said "what do you think?"
He said "Of COURSE!!! But x at school said his mummy and daddy bought the presents."
I replied that he already KNEW that his dad and I "helped" Father Christmas with some presents. That's why some children get more presents than others, and some get fewer.
He seemed completely happy with this and no spell is broken.

I think deflect any questions back at them. If they want to believe then they can carry on.

KC225 Wed 16-Nov-16 19:28:52

Way to go Uterus

Smug much ibelieve?

twobambinos Wed 16-Nov-16 19:38:00

I think smyths have it online for pre order. Delivery during November?
I got one in my local store about two weeks ago.

twobambinos Wed 16-Nov-16 19:38:21

Sorry wrong thread

paxillin Wed 16-Nov-16 21:57:09

She's been pretending to believe to humour you for about 3 or 4 years. Last year, she tested if she could let you down gently and found you're not ready yet grin.

Our 16 year old never said, maybe he still believes. 8 year old has confirmed it is nonsense though. Doesn't take any of the fun away.

Chocolatecake12 Wed 16-Nov-16 23:20:01

If they're old enough to ask the question they're old enough to know the truth.

StarOnTheTree Wed 16-Nov-16 23:38:02

My DD asked me tonight to tell her the honest truth about whether I put the presents (from Santa) in their stockings. So I told her that I did. She was absolutely gutted and said she wished I hadn't said. She's 10 in Jan. Then she asked about the tooth fairy <sigh>

my son told me when he was five that he knew santa wasn't real because he'd heard me in my room wrapping presents!! grin he's never been scarred by knowing the truth and in his world, with everything being so black and white because of his autism, the truth is preferable. It was nice while it lasted but i knew there was no sense lying to him when he'd so clearly worked it out by himself

BertrandRussell Thu 17-Nov-16 06:30:20

Well if you can't spoof a conversation about Uggs to find out which which alternatives she likes best and then write a convincing letter from Father Christmas explaining that due to an Elf Production Line issue the ones she likes aren't available but he just knew she would like these ones instead then you need to go back to Parenting 101!! grin

Incidentally, I am pretty sure that the vast majority of NT children over 7 will have worked it out and are just playing along. No harm in that- playing along is fun. You don't need a big reveal. Nothing changes when they stop believing. Well, it didn't in this house anyway, and mine are 15 and 20!

FantasticBeasts Thu 17-Nov-16 06:56:31

What does NT mean Bertrand?

Am pretty sure DD knows but doesn't want to ask directly 'Mum, FC is the same as god, fairies and elves really, some people like to believe, others don't'.

Fine by me grin.

NoSunNoMoon Thu 17-Nov-16 06:56:57

It's a rare 8 year old that still believes. Both DSs worked it out around the age of six and told me the following Christmas.

I taught DCs aged 6 - 7 and most of them no longer believed but went along with it. One of them whispered to me that FC wasn't real but asked me not to tell his mum in case she got upset.

As a teacher I always turned the question back, "What do you believe? That's all that matters."

As a parent I congratulated them on working it out.

derektheladyhamster Thu 17-Nov-16 07:02:34

Once my boys hit junior school they stopped wanting to visit FC, I assume that was when they stopped believing. They never asked and now aged 16 & 13 they still gets a couple of presents from him 🎅

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