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Present of clothes from ExMIL

(34 Posts)
SpermThroughASashWindow Tue 25-Oct-16 17:57:46

My ExMil buys both my DDs loads of clothes for Christmas every year. She must spend a fortune. They are always very pretty and a formal, but they often don't get worn very often, if at all. My DDs are also both very tall and she will buy clothes in their actual age rather than they size they need. (they both take two ages above) I'm almost divorced from her son. It's been very hard and unpleasant four years. She hasn't spoken to me since I left him, so I can't ask her to return the unwanted items. I hate the waste of clothing that they refuse to wear. So, which is the least offensive:
Just asking her to steer clear of clothes (could be seen as being difficult and obstructive), giving her a list of toys and books they might like instead (she could just ask the DDs) or giving her a list of clothes they need and would get use from and the sizes. (might look presumptuous)

alwayshappy101 Tue 25-Oct-16 18:06:09

Ooh...this is tricky as she could take anything you say as being awkward...

Especially as you haven't spoke to get since the split.

Perhaps get the girls to call her and ask themselves for toys instead?

Good luck.

alwayshappy101 Tue 25-Oct-16 18:06:30


Shemozzle Tue 25-Oct-16 21:21:42

Have you ever tried just exchanging them after Christmas? You can usually
Exchange without a receipt.

wobblywonderwoman Tue 25-Oct-16 21:24:49

Really tricky.... I think I would say nothing or you will make things worse. Try and return

mamapants Tue 25-Oct-16 21:26:40

Are you in touch with her in general. I tend to say /text something like wow can you believe they are wearing age 8 clothes already, they gave grown so quickly etc

ivykaty44 Tue 25-Oct-16 21:31:11

What ages are they?

My email used to buy inappropriate clothing, think two size to big so wrong season by the time it did fit but they didn't like.

I suggested she took them shopping, could you suggest a window shopping trip to get an idea of what they like? Or get girls to suggest it?

Difficult but understand about the waste

WatchingFromTheWings Tue 25-Oct-16 21:37:18

I like pp idea about her taking them on a shopping trip. It would give your mil a better idea of their sizing and styles. And you get a child free day!

RaeSkywalker Tue 25-Oct-16 21:42:07

Can you not exchange the clothes?

SpermThroughASashWindow Tue 25-Oct-16 23:45:00

Often the clothes are from Boden, La Redoute etc so they are hard to exchange. I have returned Marks things, but only for bigger sizes. I'm worried that I will look like the cold ex who rejects her choices if I swap them.
She has never left the house with the children, even in their prams for a walk. She won't collect them from school so definitely won't take them shopping. She doesn't drive and is almost 80 so I don'(my blane her tbh! The kids are 7 and 10.

SpermThroughASashWindow Tue 25-Oct-16 23:46:45

*Don't blame her

SpermThroughASashWindow Tue 25-Oct-16 23:48:55

There is no contact between her and me at all. We used to be very close.

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 23:51:39

I assume you can't ask your ex to talk to her about it?

Lancelottie Tue 25-Oct-16 23:54:12

You could halve the problem by giving the age 10 things to the tall 7 yr old, so at least you only have to swap one lot.

memyselfandaye Wed 26-Oct-16 00:00:58

Sell them on ebay and use the money to buy clothes you would prefer.

SpermThroughASashWindow Wed 26-Oct-16 09:06:43

Imperial - my ex would accuse me of being difficult
Lancelottie - neither child ever want to wear any of the items regardless of the size. It's like MIL panics and buys a funny mix of very junior looking things, formal party dresses, tights and knitwear.
Memyself - I have considered this but worried the kids might tell her or my ex. Or that there will be some family party that she will ask them to wear their 'good dress' or 'good jumper' to.

SpermThroughASashWindow Wed 26-Oct-16 09:08:39

What happens now is that they hang, unused in the wardrobe. After a few months, I either donate them to charity or give them to my sisters' kids. It is just a waste of money for my exMil, and joyless for my two.

MangoBiscuit Wed 26-Oct-16 09:12:23

Does your ex have the children overnight? Can you send the clothes to be kept at his? (as well as sending your DDs with a bag of things from home each time so they have things to wear that fit)

SpermThroughASashWindow Wed 26-Oct-16 09:12:39

And she must spend £200 on clothes for each of them, plus stocking fillers, selection boxes etc.
The one year I made up a list of items snd divided the suggestions between my exDH, exMIL, my divorced parents etc etc, I was accused of 'leaving all the shit' for his family. I thought one Barbie was the same as another, but obviously not!

SpermThroughASashWindow Wed 26-Oct-16 09:13:45

Mango - that is a great idea. I might try that!

BigFatTent Wed 26-Oct-16 09:14:41

Rather than give them away could you sell them on and at least given the girls some money to buy something they like?

SpermThroughASashWindow Wed 26-Oct-16 09:26:01

BigFatTent - I'm trying to figure out the solution that will cause the least amount of upset. I can hear exDH saying "my mum bought the kids beautiful clothes and she sold them and bought a load of rubbish" etc etc
I'm hoping to find a way for my exMil to buy things the kids will enjoy, like or use.

TheABC Wed 26-Oct-16 09:32:26

Quietky Ebay the unwanted clothes on the basis it would be a pity to waste money. Moving forward, get your girls to write santa letters saying what they would like and forward copies to the ExH/MiL with a breezy note saying they are now Xxx size if you were thinking of clothes and shoes. That way, they get the choice, you are not seen as dictating (kids will confirm this!) and if your MIL insists on clothes in the future, at least you know you tried.

d270r0 Wed 26-Oct-16 15:40:39

Honestly I wouldn't say anything at all. If you do it will come across as rude. She wants to get clothes for her grandchildren and she wants to pick them and choose things she likes. If the items will not fit, keep the labels on, sell them on ebay and use he money to buy them other clothes, or regift if possible/clothes are suitable. I really don't think you should say anything, it will upset her.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 26-Oct-16 15:43:48

The woman would not take offence at being told the correct clothing size. That I'm certain of.

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