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mil and Christmas

(82 Posts)
buttercup54321 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:12:31

MIL rang to say she will be arriving on 21st December and staying until 4th January so she can help with new baby (due 14th December) and organise Christmas in our house! DH took the call and thanked his DM. He hasn't stopped banging on all evening about how marvellous she is!
FIL will only stay until 27th December as he has to get back to his elderly father, but of course the dog ( a jack Russell that yaps) will be staying on with her.
Apparently my family can pop over for a couple of hours on Christmas day if they like but really visitors need to be kept to a minimum with a new baby around .
I am in a massive sulk but DH cant understand why. If I speak to her I shall be very rude so I'm trying to calm down. DH is now calling her a sweetie. I feel evil.

DiscoMike Sun 09-Oct-16 22:16:06

Not sure if there's anything more likely to clamp your cervix closed until 5th January, tbh.

Kateallison16 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:24:00

So it's one rule for your family and another for his?
I'd call his bluff.

"You are right honey, visitors do need to be kept to a minimum. It's not fair on us with a newborn, plus, wouldn't it be lovely to just have a little family Christmas?"

Him "exactly! smile "

Smile sweetly. "Great! So my parents will be over Xmas day at 11 for some coffee and a cuddle! So shall we say no visitors after 2?"

Him "that's great!"

"Ahhhh good. So make sure you tell your mum and dad we are having us time after 2 smile"

Him "no, my mother's staying remember"

"You just said, small family christmas and that's what we are doing. Like you said "keep visitors to a minimum" smile "

Him "..but..."

"Honey we agreed. We are not having one rule for one and another for others. I want time with my dh and baby. Like you said."

Sorted ;)

bloodyteenagers Sun 09-Oct-16 22:26:18

Any chance you could de-camp to your mums? I wouldn't normally suggest it but sometimes it's the only viable option.
failing that, lock yourself in your room. You know to establish breast feeding, and of course, to nap. It's really really important that you nap lots. And co-sleep of course. You only need to come out for loo, shower, food and drink.. I would also look at getting a mini fridge to reduce the trips to the kitchen.

Kateallison16 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:26:24

But in all seriousness, if this makes you unhappy tell him no OP. He can't have it all his own way.

"Guests to a minimum" what a cheeky considering mummy dearest is staying the whole damn festive season.

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 09-Oct-16 22:28:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 09-Oct-16 22:29:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhythmsticks Sun 09-Oct-16 22:32:30

Hahaha your dh needs to call his mum back?!

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 09-Oct-16 22:34:18

She has decided this ? shock Bloody cheek!
Did you say you wanted her to come over and Organise your Christmas? Bit of a liberty if you haven't.

And the yappy dog?
I live next door to a small yappy dog , they are relentless.
Over Christmas make sure your FIL/MIL walk it to a state of exhaustion that it will sleep and it leaves your home with FIL.

(I'm inviting myself to my DParents after Christmas but they are fine with it. I'll cook NEw Year Dinner fwink )

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:34:19

Please start the way you mean/want to go on. This is not her baby!! Your house. Your baby. Your way!! If you let her dictate to you before the gc is even here you will never have a say in your life again!! Tell dh you won't be up to hosting guests when the baby is imminent. She can visit like your family can when baby actually arrives. You will both need time to bond with your own child. And to enjoy your first Xmas at home together!!

PunkrockerGirl Sun 09-Oct-16 22:38:49

Someone has to be the first to say it.
You have a dh problem.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 09-Oct-16 22:41:49

Your MIL referred to your family as 'visitors'?! I wouldn't put up with someone telling me they're going to come to my house and dictate how I do things! Fuck that for a crock of shit. Get them both told.

confuugled1 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:42:20

I'd take advantage of pg hormones and wake dh up in the middle of the night sobbing (assuming you are awake at some point anyway) and saying that you're so upset by the way his mum is trying to muscle in and take over, and that she's controlling and disrespectful to do that without asking when everybody knows that new mums want their own mums around them not their MIL and that you can't believe that he can't see what she's doing in pushing your side of the family out and how dare she come in and imply that you won't be able to cope and why on earth would she invite herself and not wait to be invited (oh wait, that's because she wouldn't be invited) and that she's determined she's going to ensure that you get PND by her behaviour and there's no way you want the bloody dog around with a new baby (I'm assuming this but that's because that's what I would think!) and that how dare she dictate that she will be there for 2 weeks and then deign to say that your parents can come for just 2 hours....

and and and...

and have a massive rant in that direction, say that she's completely out of turn, you couldn't say anything earlier because you were so shocked and horrified that it left you speechless because you couldn't quite believe the nightmare that was about to inflict itself on you at what should be a very special time in your lives and she was going to come in and ruin and take it away from you... and that if he doesn't stop it right now (ok in the morning when she will be awake too) that you will ring his mother up in the evening and tell her what you really think and you won't hold back like you have in telling him this...

Good luck!

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 09-Oct-16 22:42:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonlypuppyfat Sun 09-Oct-16 22:45:55

If anyone you'd need your own mum to help, tell he's not being fair at all

dontpokethebear Sun 09-Oct-16 22:48:57

What qwerty said. It's not always a given, but babies never arrive when they're told to (unless induced or CS obvs).

You can ask to stay in hospital for an extra day or two if you want to.

If your parents are over and MIL tries to usher them out, would they just leave or stand up to her?

milkshakeandmonstermunch Sun 09-Oct-16 22:49:32

No no no no NO! Get DH back on the phone and tell her No! I'm sure she means well but no. Hell no.

DD was a mid-Dec baby. We had PIL staying for a week over that Christmas. Don't do it. My stitches hadn't healed, I was a lactating mess, DD was cluster feeding she hadn't learned the difference between day and night yet. It was awful. I had to go on bloody day trips when I wanted to sleep/mooch. If I said no I was told "Ok, we'll take DD then" so I went. Plus DH totally regressed in their company. Oh and the comments! "You pick her up too much, let her cry" etc. Knob off. I love my MIL but not immediately after birth.


Bellyrub1980 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:50:05

I hope your baby is late!

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 09-Oct-16 22:50:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 09-Oct-16 22:51:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Davros Sun 09-Oct-16 22:51:50

If it were me I wouldn't leave it to him. Phone her up yourself and say very politely that you had other plans and he seems to have forgotten. Give her a crumb, not a blanket ban, then tell him. OR tell a big, fat lie. You've already arranged for your own mother to be on hand and he has misunderstood. Then tell him

buttercup54321 Sun 09-Oct-16 22:52:13

Thank you for replies. DH was prattling on about his Mum's wonderful Christmas dinners and how we are in for a REAL treat this year. I have bellowed a few of my own opinions in his ear and now he is sitting on the sofa looking injured and bemused. He can sleep there tonight too as I just don't want to look at him.

His mother is quite nice most of the time, but she can be bossy and then its her way or no way.
I will have to sort it out tomorrow. He won't. He will leave it until it's too late to cancel the visit. I don't want to mention it to my parents as it will cause a row.
I am going to bed, on my own. I am SO angry!!!

Flisspaps Sun 09-Oct-16 22:52:40

Have you actually told your DH that you do not want this to happen?

MakeMyWineADouble Sun 09-Oct-16 22:58:41

Agree this seems to set a president as long as it's in the name of helping she can do what she wants! I also see PIL want to be here to meet your DC and I'm assuming from your post OP that they are far away?? Is there any other family they can stay with or perhaps suggest a hotel as a compromise? I agree with pp your Dh needs to man up and stand up for you!! As for minimising your family no way!! If you want them they come screw her!! Who comes to visit and when/for how long is up to you not her!!

2kids2dogsnosense Sun 09-Oct-16 22:58:59



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