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Elderly neighbour alone, wwyd?

(17 Posts)
SootyTheCat Tue 22-Dec-15 23:44:58

In brief:

Elderly neighbour, housebound with vision and mobility issues. I only know them a little, very occasionally talk across garden. They have no close family, but are visited daily by health care and community volunteers.

We exchange xmas cards, theirs arrived today and said they were alone this xmas after death of their last close relative.

We have 3 dc age 5 and under. We're at home this xmas, not hosting and planning a relaxed day, no big meal or anything. Im wondering what, if anything, we could do. Dcs will be too overexcited to visit. They can't come to ours as they are housebound . But I could pop over for a bit with some biscuits or something? Im sure others will pop in too... But... Just seems really sad. Wwyd?

selly24 Wed 23-Dec-15 00:30:56

Go over there! Don't be so sure other will do. Am sure your neighbour will be happy to see you. Xx

AtSea1979 Wed 23-Dec-15 00:33:00

They wrote in their Xmas card that they were alone? If this right then she clearly wants you to visit.

TheHouseOnTheLane Wed 23-Dec-15 05:04:34

Well what time is your lunch planned? In your shoes, I would go over today and ask if she'd mind if you came over at Christmas with some of the lunch you're cooking....tell her that you've no extended family to come and would like to share some of the day.

You could eat your pudding at hers,....whilst she has her lunch.

Ask if she'd rather the DC were left with DH or should you all come.

We did this last year. Our neighbour, a lone Mum with a 2 year old was alone...she seemed too embarrassed to come to ours so I said "Well...what if we bring you a plate of lunch and then we can all have our pudding at yours?" she accepted that as it was somehow less pressure than "going to the neighbour's for CHristmas"

BikeRunSki Wed 23-Dec-15 05:16:42

What House said. Survey writing what she did in her Christmas card was her subtle way of asking you to pop in for a bit.

Chottie Wed 23-Dec-15 06:44:15

I would definitely ask if they would like to share your Christmas lunch. My mother used to do this for an elderly couple when I was a child. The neighbours used to give my mum two dinner plates and she would fill them up with Christmas lunch and cover them with foil. My sis and I used to go round with them and wish them a merry christmas.

It was very sad, the couple had had two children, their son was killed at Dunkirk and their daughter died of breast cancer....

TheChippendenSpook Wed 23-Dec-15 06:48:01

We've had our elderly neighbour over for Christmas dinner before now and I know he really appreciated it (he has told me many times) so I think it would be lovely for you to go round.

Our neighbour is going away this year and I've just got back from taking him to the bus station to get on the coach but of he was here we would be taking him some food round or squeezing him in here.

It must be awful to be lonely, especially at this time of year.

Janeymoo50 Wed 23-Dec-15 07:52:30

I'd perhaps pop round for a quick visit Christmas morning with a little plate of goodies. Maybe take one child (the one you know will be ok with it, she could take a present with her to play with or even open there). You don't have to stay long, but that's a nice thing to do.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Wed 23-Dec-15 07:57:32

I agree that if they can't come to you then offer to take them round a plated xmas dinner. Then pop round later on to pick the plate up and stay for a cup of tea.

velourvoyageur Wed 23-Dec-15 07:59:56

Maybe watch a film with them in late afternoon while the kids are playing with their new stuff? Mulled wine and mince pies? Or a board game?

Lovely thought OP and I agree it's the decent thing to do, Christmas is about other people.

SavoyCabbage Wed 23-Dec-15 08:04:56

I would take her some Christmas dinner on the day and perhaps the school could go for a visit on Christmas Eve. Share some of their excitement with her. Do you 'do' reindeer food? You could go over when that's happening and she could watch them chuck it on the path. Something like that.

P1nkP0ppy Wed 23-Dec-15 08:06:02

No brainer, I am talking the elderly couple next door their Christmas dinner, I'm also taking meal to two others nearby.
I wouldn't hesitate.
I did ask if they wanted to join us but all four are very frail.
DH, DD and I will spend some time with each of them on Christmas Day.

SitsOnFence Wed 23-Dec-15 08:32:37

tell her that you've no extended family to come and would like to share some of the day

^ That is such a lovely way to ask

SootyTheCat Wed 23-Dec-15 19:45:14

Thanks for all the replies (and on the other duplicate thread too).

I'm definitely going to pop over at some point. I'll wait until I've seen one of the carers go in so I know they'll be up and dressed. We're not doing a traditional meal this year for us, (hooray! freedom from the kitchen timer!) so I can't plate up xmas dinner for them, but will take round some biscuits or cake and some tea.

Its difficult - I've tried to visit several times recently, but they've not answered the door (their usual visitors have keys). I know their health issues make it really hard for them to get to the door quickly, and I don't want to stand there hammering on the door for 10 mins if they're asleep / on the loo / trying to eat some food. Their vision problems mean they struggle very badly with housework. I know their house will be horribly dirty, and I don't want to impose unwelcome guests on them when they struggle to make themselves a cup of tea let alone find something for me / the kids & a clean mug to serve it in. Personally I don't think they should be living alone, but that's another thread entirely.

But I've got their phone number somewhere though, so will try calling them first, or will pop a note through their door tomorrow to warn them I'll come around x time, and make a determined effort to see them, as I thought too that writing they were alone in their card means they'd really like the company.

Paperblank Thu 24-Dec-15 04:07:12

Could you pop a note through their door today and say that you'd love to pop round and have a cuppa with them on Christmas day, and would (insert appropriate time here) suit?

I am sure that even if you went round with a few biscuits and a satsuma (fgrin) a friendly face would be very welcome.

littleblackno Thu 24-Dec-15 04:39:34

Why don't you pop over when the carers are there and get them to pass a message on? Or put a note through door earlier. If they have vision problems they may not read it. They may not be able to open the door themselves and have a keysafe, you'd need to know the code to be able to get in. At least they would know to expect you and can arrange to let you in.

TheHouseOnTheLane Thu 24-Dec-15 13:59:32

The house certainly shouldn't be horribly dirty if they've carers. My Mum is a carer and they always clean up.

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