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Guilty christmas secret

(8 Posts)
Nikkip0ps Tue 22-Dec-15 08:46:02

It's that I don't want to host Christmas. If fact there us a whole host of things I'd rather not do over christmas and then I feel immediately guilty for even thinking it. I should be grateful for all I have and my family -husband beautiful children- and I am. I know some people are facing terrible Christmas festivities alone or dealing with massive problems and that makes me feel beyond guilty for not wanting to wade in and be joyful. I am hosting christmas not for my parents who will be at theirs (perfectly happy to be just the 2 of them) but for my in laws. It's not that I don't get on with them, they're fine but the task seems insurmountable at the moment. I work full time and today is my 1st day off. In between now and Christmas Day I have more to do than I can deal with, I will do it all and know the easiest way of navigating my way through but that doesn't mean I want to do any of it. The Christmas I want is just me and my little family- casual, relaxed, fun. I started with a stinking migraine this morning that will take 3 days to pass and have lost the m&s order sheet for the turkey. My husband asked if I was 'ok' but when I tried to explain he did that very male thing of searching for solutions when all I wanted was for someone to listen and perhaps sympathise. Is it ok to admit Christmas is a lot less fun when you have to organise it? The enforced joviality of the family get together's when my husband pretends to like his brother and vice versa is just too much and I know, no matter how much planning I will be in a flap at 2pm on Christmas Day, sporting multiple scalds and burns, serving up a horribly dry (but not potentially fatal) over-priced turkey. Perhaps it's just that I am a miserable cantankerous old bat.

esiotrot2015 Tue 22-Dec-15 09:35:28

How helpful is your dh in the kitchen ?
Could you delegate some stuff to mil and bil ?
Everyone coming has to bring a dish type thing ?

BarbaraofSeville Tue 22-Dec-15 09:49:47

I know you said you want to moan and receive sympathy, but that won't put a Christmas dinner on the table. Solutions are what is needed smile.

You need to rope your DH and anyone else around in to assisting. Get them to peel veg, set the table, fetch and carry things, cleaning, emptying bins etc etc. There is no need to take it on all by yourself.

And write a plan for cooking dinner. Work backwards, decide what time you want to eat and plan on having the roast potatoes ready just before then.

The turkey can rest for an hour or more covered in foil and a tea towel or two to keep the heat in. Prep veg the night before and keep in water in the car/garage etc if there is no room in the fridge.

If you haven't bought all the food yet, get ready prepared where possible if you can afford it. Scale back where you can too. No-one will notice if you don't do things like bread sauce, Yorkshire puddings, mash as well as roasties, a choice of puddings, amd a whole load of other stuff.

Good luck, relax and enjoy, and make sure you get an invite somewhere else next year!

Chillywhippet Tue 22-Dec-15 09:55:15

Nikki I'm mostly with you. I like us all being together and seeing everyone with their presents but I find it exhausting.

My mum and MIL will come for dinner which is lovely and they really enjoy being with the kids but my Christmas really starts when they leave late afternoon. Then I can relax, eat leftovers and chill.

DH has own business which is open Christmas Eve. DH said the other day that he still had to buy my present and his family secret Santa with a sad face. Grr fangry I work full time and my first day off was yesterday when I spent all day beating the house into some sort of shape and putting up decorations so it now looks like Christmas might happen!

I was talking with another mum yesterday about how doing Christmas is like mounting a theatrical production under cover - months or weeks of preparation before the big TaDaa is bound to be tiring.

Off to do a couple of hours wrapping

Nearlyadoctor Tue 22-Dec-15 09:58:19

How close is your nearest M&S? Go and buy everything ready done including the gravy - a couple of nice desserts etc. Croissants or bacon rolls for breakfast.

Just re read, you've obviously already ordered M&S turkey so get everything else there as well.

Send DH off to get the drinks, fizz nice wine, J2o or something a bit special for the kids. Whilst he's there he can pick up some chocs and nuts.

Get the worst jobs out of the way first ie spend part of today cleaning, making space in fridge, dust, put the Hoover around - are dc's old enough to help with a spot of dusting, tidying etc.

If you still have wrapping to do let DH help once the dc's are in bed and enjoy a glass of something nice.

Don't let this ruin your Christmas ( unmumsnetty hugs)

Chewbecca Tue 22-Dec-15 10:41:42

I know you didn't want solutions but solutions could solve the problem and really ease the weight of the task.

I know it is daft but I do find making a list of all jobs does help enormously and adding names (other people's where poss!) gets it done.

As said above, get everything possible done before Christmas Day, then try to enjoy the day. Accept all offers of help to clear table, make drinks etc, don't be a butler for the day, sit down and play with your children at every opportunity.

Nikkip0ps Tue 22-Dec-15 11:41:46

Thanks, and I take it back, advice was helpful- it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels like my Christmas starts in the late afternoon. I am a reluctant ringmaster that is all. Children have been dispatched for the day so radio on and cleaning begun (would still much rather have beans on toast than cook blooming turkey). Xxxx

Chillywhippet Tue 22-Dec-15 12:03:29

I'm on a mission to do less of it all this year now that kids are older. DD2 and DH wanted a turkey crown from the local butcher but they haven't ordered it (I normally preorder from M&S).
My M&S nut roast is in the fridge and their is a small bit of gammon in the freezer if the town sells out of turkey.

Off to get ready made gravy and onion gravy...

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