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Present for terminally ill mil

(35 Posts)
ridingsixwhitehorses Tue 22-Dec-15 00:08:38

Not sure how long she has left. Is in hospital waiting to moved to hospice.

Cannot eat. Has loads of unused smellies. Does not read, watch TV or listen to music.

I regularly send pics of kids which are displayed round room.

Has umpteen scarves and cardis and bed jackets most of which I bought her.

Doesn't do mawkish things like fill out memory books etc

Plants and flowers etc not allowed on ward.

I have got her a cushion with a pic of the kids on it so she can cuddle it or display it.

What else can I get? Any ideas at all? Going to big shopping centre on wed night if anyone can think of anything.

Millipedewithherfeetup Tue 22-Dec-15 00:13:00

I would just spend time with her if this was me, im sure that gift will be more than appreciated.

ridingsixwhitehorses Tue 22-Dec-15 00:16:48

We go as often as we can but several hours round trip so can't go every week alas plus seeing the kids exhausts her though we go about every third week and dh also goes after work in between visits. We are all going on Boxing Day and would be nice if we could give her more than one thing to open.

VimFuego101 Tue 22-Dec-15 00:17:51

Some kind of oil burner/ scent thing? i imagine pillows and really soft blankets would be appreciated as she's laying in bed all day and may get sore. Although as Millipede said, spending time seems like the best gift at this point.

80sMum Tue 22-Dec-15 00:18:07

I think if I were her I wouldn't want 'things' I would want experiences: visits from the grandchildren, nostalgic chats with friends, that sort of thing.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Tue 22-Dec-15 00:19:37

Photobooks of places they once lived went down well one year. One of those local history type books - brought out some childhood memories.

timelytess Tue 22-Dec-15 00:20:09

I think she'll want visits.

BooOzMoo Tue 22-Dec-15 00:20:09

Time..... the only thing that will be important to her now!!!!

ArcheryAnnie Tue 22-Dec-15 00:37:06

Agreed with the others that time and company are the only things I think she will be interested in, but if you must take something - you say she doesn't eat, but does she drink? A friend used to take her terminally-ill MIL those really beautiful (and alas really expensive) wooden boxes of tea from Fortnums, as she could still drink tea, and people could make it for her.

VimFuego101 Tue 22-Dec-15 01:00:17

That's a good idea shouldwestay - pics or postcards of where she grew up/ took holidays.

gleam Tue 22-Dec-15 01:19:09

A lava lamp? (if allowed).

puddingbrains Tue 22-Dec-15 01:28:51

What about an ipod/mp3 player loaded with some of her favorite songs? You could listen to them together and talk about the memories she attaches to them?

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Tue 22-Dec-15 01:35:47

What about some recordings of the children reading poems/stories or singing? I know you said she doesn't listen to music, but maybe she'd like that?

BitOfFun Tue 22-Dec-15 01:36:33

I'm sorry you are going through this- we did this time last year. I bought MIL this luxury lip balm- the air in hospitals can be very drying, and it's just something that might make her feel a little bit more comfortable.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Tue 22-Dec-15 01:42:42

-Colour changing battery candle could be soothing to watch
-Fiddle toy/stress ball type things
-Lip salve

(Just tossing ideas out there, if these are inappropriate just ignore me.)

torthecatlady Tue 22-Dec-15 01:49:24

Sorry you (and your mil) are going through this sad sad sad
It's hard. It brings back my own memories of this. If you can't visit how about lots of phone calls? Does she have a mobile? If not, perhaps a cheap one so she can call her family from bed if she wishes?
I second a good quality lip balm. My mum would get very dry lips when she was going threw chemo and in and out of hospital.
Perhaps arranging someone to go in and do her nails or hair? If she would normally like that / is allowed.
A new pair of slippers or a cuddly pair of socks if she does not leave bed.
A warm blanket? Cashmere is soft / gentle / warm / comforting.
Crossword / puzzle book?
Maybe a notebook with a nice message from the family inside?

Notrobusta Tue 22-Dec-15 08:51:16

How about some nice hand cream that you can run in for her. A nice hand massage is very soothing. You could also get a nice throw or bed socks as hospital blankets and socks are not terribly cosy. A v shaped pillow may be nice to help her sit up. Some lip balm would also be good as her lips will likely be dry is not drinking. The most important thing for her I'm sure is knowing you are there.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 22-Dec-15 09:03:21

Can you go to her house and dig out the photos?

I would take some cakes, biscuits and tapas plus the photos eat drink and be merry while looking at the old photos. If she has any love letters they're always a good read and almost always guaranteed to put a smile on her face.

A soft blanket is a good idea if your looking for unwrapping things but most elderly people at that stage of their life really don't care about presents.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome Tue 22-Dec-15 09:04:46

Bed socks?

procrastinatingpeacock Tue 22-Dec-15 09:10:53

I second the idea of paying someone to give her a hand/ foot massage. My mum died of cancer earlier this year and was able to enjoy these even when she was pretty much bedbound shortly before her death.

ridingsixwhitehorses Tue 22-Dec-15 10:44:44

Thank you for the ideas. Will get lip balm - maybe a coloured one as she likes lipstick. She can't have massages in hands as too many canulas and feet too swollen.

Tbh she is hard to buy for when well too. She has no hobbies or interests (but is v nice).

She is not elderly. Mid 60s

randomcatname Tue 22-Dec-15 12:37:17

The cushion with photo on it is a lovely idea. I was going to suggest hand cream as well but as that's no good, what about nail varnish and painting her nails for her? Or a mobile hairdresser visit? Something pampering ish?

My own experience of people at that stage of illness is strong smells like perfumes etc can make them nauseous but I don't know if that's universal. Perhaps this is a tad much but is there a local choir that can come and sing carols?

It's a very difficult time, I feel for you flowers

randomcatname Tue 22-Dec-15 12:37:38

audio books?

MrsBalustradeLanyard Tue 22-Dec-15 12:41:02

When we had this situation I bought nice scented hand cream in a lovely bottle, and rubbed it in for her, and gave her a little gentle manicure. There's so very little you can do but I think it felt nice for her.

MrsBalustradeLanyard Tue 22-Dec-15 12:41:27

And just saw about the hands...ignore me, sorry!

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