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Buying for relatives I haven't seen or spoken to since last Christmas...

(20 Posts)
msrisotto Tue 08-Dec-15 18:58:38

I feel a bit begrudging buying them anything tbh. They're cousins, in their late teens, early twenties. For uncles and aunts I give homemade stuff but doubt the cousins would appreciate that? Maybe still...
What do you do in this situation?

hesterton Tue 08-Dec-15 19:00:51

Do they buy for you? If not, just drop it. If they do, although it may be a bit late for this year, can't you contact them and agree to just do cards from now on?

msrisotto Tue 08-Dec-15 19:08:18

The cousins haven't, the aunts/uncles do (to varying levels of success but it's the thought that counts...)

lavendersun Tue 08-Dec-15 19:12:58

I have got to do this too - for five people I haven't seen for two years. I didn't bother last year (told them early) because I think it is pointless in the main - we had exchanged token gifts for years, often not even seeing them (as clearly that requires more effort).

Their gifts would arrive wrapped from Amazon, even writing a christmas card didn't happen.

I got fed up with it and said no more buying gifts.

But this year I am seeing them for an hour and feel obliged - grim.

annandale Tue 08-Dec-15 19:13:09

I don't exchange presents with any aunts, uncles or cousins, partly because even if I spent £3 each it would double the cost of Christmas. I do send cards with proper handwritten news to aunts and uncles.

I would stick to cards with the cousins and carry on with homemade gifts for the aunts and uncles if you like doing it. I don't expect presents from my nieces and nephews tbh.

Wagglebees Tue 08-Dec-15 19:42:09

Just stop exchanging presents. Does seem pointless if they're now adults and you don't see them. We only buy for children up to the ages of 18, our parents and each other. Otherwise it'd be never ending.

Leeds2 Tue 08-Dec-15 19:43:55

I would stop buying for them.

ImperialBlether Tue 08-Dec-15 19:44:34

Are your cousins working? I think that's the point where I'd stop, unless it was reciprocated.

DIYandEatCake Tue 08-Dec-15 20:05:15

I'd just go for a modest box of chocolates or something similar (bottle of wine/pack of nice beer)

msrisotto Tue 08-Dec-15 20:40:20

Yeah token choccies might be the way to go. It'd be weird giving to the parents and not the kids. Plus other relatives of mine will be giving them all gifts.

ImperialBlether Tue 08-Dec-15 20:43:23

OP, how old are they and are they working?

msrisotto Tue 08-Dec-15 20:44:25

I think they're both early twenties now. One's working, the other's gotta be finishing uni before long.

Heavenscent86 Tue 08-Dec-15 20:53:35

I have this issue with my dad. Haven't seen him since last November even though he lives 20 minutes away and no idea what he likes either so that makes it twice as hard.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Wed 09-Dec-15 14:05:06

Depends - if you are [sorry] middle aged and comfortably off and have always been an Aunt type figure then I might go as far as Waterstones or iTunes vouchers. Something you can easily slip into a card.

But otherwise, time to can it.

crispytruffle Wed 09-Dec-15 18:10:46

I know how you feel. I am just buying token things.

msrisotto Wed 09-Dec-15 21:22:31

I'm 29. Definitely never been an aunt type!

FormerlyKnownasFK Wed 09-Dec-15 21:35:54

I don't, and wouldn't, give presents to anyone beyond parents, siblings & nieces & nephews.

This is mainly because it hasn't ever been traditional or expected in my extended family, though.

If it was expected I'm not sure what I would do - probably buy a "family" present they could all enjoy together - make up a hamper?

lavendersun Wed 09-Dec-15 21:39:22

I have sent Green and Blacks hampers before - think it was well received but I wouldn't know because I never saw them that year. Twas before I put my foot down.

randomcatname Thu 10-Dec-15 03:47:25

So annoying, isn't it. My situation is made more complicated by the fact half my relatives are arseholes and half of them are lovely. But I can't buy for one half and not the other. Had zero contact with the arseholes, been 2 years since I've seen them, but I buy for their kids so continue to buy for the adults too. Coming to really resent it actually. Can't stand the fakeness.

Ughnotagain Thu 10-Dec-15 04:13:02

I'm in a similar situation. This year I've said I'm not buying for anyone any more. Sent a message round telling people and have just left it there.

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