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Is Christmas really about giving? When to stop...

(10 Posts)
Star2015 Mon 07-Dec-15 13:31:43

DH has 2 adult children, one of them has 2 young children of her own so DH has 2 grandchildren.

He also has 2 siblings, one of them has a 21 year old child, the other has a 21 year old and two primary school age children.

We have always bought all of DH siblings children presents, but they never buy for DH children (fair enough they are adults) or DH grandchildren.

Not only do we always buy for them but we never really get a thank you (we only see his siblings at parties/funerals).

I've said this year no more, I'm sick of spending money on them with no thank you and his siblings obviously feel no obligation to return the gesture and buy something for DH grandchildren.

DH thinks I'm being mean and Christmas is about giving... I think I'm being realistic, we don't have lots of money so if I'm buying someone a present I'd at least like them to be thankful.

Anyone else in this situation? Should I continue to buy the presents regardless?

OSETmum Mon 07-Dec-15 13:37:26

Maybe get something for the 2 children but definitely not for the over 18s!

BillMurrey Mon 07-Dec-15 13:42:38

This year I have contacted a few friends that we rarely see, yet still buy for, to suggest that we stop buying presents for each other. It seems to have gone down ok.

If I was buying presents for people who didn't reciprocate, and I didn't want to continue I would just stop, but maybe send a Christmas card with a nice message.

I also have an ex-colleague who sends my dc birthday and xmas presents every year and I just don't know how to stop it. We never see her, the dc really don't know who she is, and the presents get re-gifted as they are always far to young for them.

Artandco Mon 07-Dec-15 13:47:17

I would buy for the grandchildren not adult siblings

Cressandra Mon 07-Dec-15 14:33:56

So DH buys for his own child nieces and nephews but gets no thanks, and his siblings don't buy for their adult nieces and nephews or their child great nieces and nephews.

I think that's more or less how it works in our family (apart from the thanks bit). Child aged nieces and nephews are closer family than great nieces etc. so I think it's normal to buy for child nieces and nephews but not adult ones or their offspring.

But lack of thank yous is reason enough to stop buying if you wish. A bit miserable with his own nieces and nephews IMO but completely understandable.

And he could take responsibility for his side so it stops being your task, but that's a whole other thread.

Star2015 Mon 07-Dec-15 21:46:03

DH thinks we should still buy for the younger two, perhaps we can compromise and get them a token gift like a selection box?

Hope I don't sound too mean, I just hate people being ungrateful!!

Minibelle Mon 07-Dec-15 21:58:18

I don't understand why you buy for people you hardly see? Then again I've never understood the shop buying presents at 18 thing either.

I wouldn't bother buying for them this year.

jamtartandcustard Tue 08-Dec-15 12:57:09

well you don't give to receive though I don't understand buying presents for people you don't see or have much contact with.
buy a box of biscuits for each family group. they don't cost an awful lot but you've made the effort and are the bigger person. then maybe not bother next year.

VoldemortsBaubles Tue 08-Dec-15 19:33:23

DHs family decided to stop buying for adults a few years back. Then later decided to stop buying for dc when they reach 18. Non of the dc who reached 18 minded, probably because by that time they all had their own dc. DD is 19 and slightly miffed at the idea that she nor has to buy for her cousins dc when she is the only one to reach adulthood without becoming pregnant confused

My dsis suggested earlier in the year that she wouldn't be buying DD because she's over 18. However I explained that DD had bought everybody on my side of the family a present so it wasn't very fair especially when we still buy for adults so DD would be the only one without a present. Dsis agreed it wasn't fair.

So DD will receive presents from one side of the family but not the other. This is fine, it's just what fits each family.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Tue 08-Dec-15 19:51:42

confused a little by the logistics here.

I would buy for DH dc and his grand children. Regardless of thank you or not.

As for DH siblings, NO.

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