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Just not feeling it this year

(21 Posts)
fuzzpig Fri 20-Nov-15 08:09:22

I'm normally so excited for Christmas by now but this year I just feel... meh. Even choosing presents feels like a chore and that's normally one of my favourite things.

I'm off work long term sick and am under huge pressure to be back when my sick note ends mid-December, but I'm not well enough.

I don't know what to do - how do I get my Christmas buzz back?

OnePlanOnHouzz Fri 20-Nov-15 08:49:34

Can you delegate Christmas duties this year to OH and then you too will get a surprise at what everyone's getting this year ? If you aren't well I'm sure they understand.

Talk to your gp too - if this is out of character it could be you have a touch of the blues :-(

Hope you perk up soon ! chocolate

MrsMolesworth Fri 20-Nov-15 08:54:32

flowers Sorry you're unwell. Can you try to do most of it online. And keep it very simple. Tell people as you've been unwell, everyone is getting chocolates or gloves or Amazon vouchers or whatever this year. People who love you will understand.

To get in the mood, can you have a Christmassy day in town where you don't try to do any of the hard work, but just get into the spirit? Wander round a Christmas market, sample the free mulled wine and spicy biscuits all the shops hand out, stop and watch the carol singers or brass bands, enjoy the lights and window displays then come home without any bags of heavy shopping.

Can you get family to decorate the house.

girlywhirly Fri 20-Nov-15 09:19:53

I think that you should use the reason of being unwell to make things easier for yourself and not bust a gut to make the perfect Christmas. I'm sure your family will understand. Get people to help you if it seems a mountain of work.

I'm sure you are anxious that going back to work is looming and it doesn't feel that you have enough time to prepare, and you won't be well enough and it will all go pear shaped.

Why not be kind to yourself and have a pared down Christmas, easy food or go to family for Christmas day, they understand you've been ill surely. Do what you can cope with decorations wise. Don't go mad with presents, buy what you can online or pick up some things in supermarkets. Unless you have been given ideas for adult relatives gifts, get everyone simple gifts like wine and posh chocolates.

I think that giving yourself permission to have an easier Christmas this year will help ease the stress and you will be back on form next year.

Whattheduck Fri 20-Nov-15 09:49:34

I feel the same and have done for the last couple of years tbh.my lovely grandad passed away last week so just can't find the motivation to even think about it.like you fuzzpig i find the whole thing a chore.last year i cut my present buying right down as i was fed up of buying things for the sake of it for people i never see and i will be doing the same this year.

fuzzpig Fri 20-Nov-15 10:09:25

Thanks all thanks

Ooh that's the first time I've seen the chocolate emoticon grin

I am on ADs at the moment, which isn't really anything new - particularly in winter as it definitely makes it worse - but normally Xmas is like the light at the end (or in the middle, really grin) of the tunnel IYSWIM.

I think we will have to be on our own this year (me, DH, DCs 8/6) as DH is working boxing day so we can't travel. In fact he's not allowed any time off in December at all and usually ends up doing 60hr weeks so there is no respite for me, I'd be worn out even if I wasn't ill.

Last year we spent a few days at mum's but went to a friend's for most of the 25th (my parents don't really 'do' Christmas and don't like having the DCs run around so it was best for everyone) which was brilliant. I'm sad - and so is my 8yo - that we can't do that this year. Mind you it does make less people to buy for (DCs are easy to buy for, friends not so much!). I guess we will have my parents here but it's quite stressful due to being such a tiny house and them not actually wanting to do anything. House is an utter tip as well, we made some good progress earlier this year but it's just impossible and spirals so quickly.

I like the idea of a wander round town on my own! If I'm well enough I'll do that. smile

I still have a month off, I am lucky that I'm public sector and am only just down to half pay this month so it's not money worries really, but I'm pretty certain I will lose my job eventually as my illness (chronic, not dangerous IYSWIM) is getting worse. I know that if I get signed off for longer, I'll get the "we just have to point out that you happened to be off for Christmas..." talk which I had a few years ago after my second relapse happened to be Nov/Dec. hmm I'm feeling totally forgotten about by work as well, I know that sounds petulant but it's put a massive dent in my self esteem.

fuzzpig Fri 20-Nov-15 10:09:56

Xpost What I'm really sorry about your Grandad thanks sad

girlywhirly Fri 20-Nov-15 11:51:17

Would it be so bad to have Christmas by yourselves? If your parents don't really do Christmas, could you see them another time instead? I'm just thinking that it would mean less work and worry for you and you could just do a simple meal. Do try to get out in natural light each day, and a walk around town will make you feel better in yourself.

Sorry about your Grandad, Whattheduck.

AshamedAndDistraught Fri 20-Nov-15 12:02:37

Me too. On a cocktail of medication for MH issues have a court case looming which could lead in a prison sentence if found guilty which were not and just had notice to be evicted
C asn't get through all that and feel festive. Just like ending it all. Beentheshiity year ever and only gets worse. Sorty for you all to

fuzzpig Fri 20-Nov-15 13:04:02

Oh god Ashamed I'm really sorry, that's so horrible for you sad I hope the case goes in your favour. thanks I'm glad you are getting medication but I hope there is support as well so you have someone to talk to.

Girly TBH I would be quite happy just being us 4 but DD has been saying how much she loved being at Nanny's and seeing our friends. The DCs miss out on so much these days because I'm ill (as my manager keeps reminding me confused) so I have The Guilt

fuzzpig Wed 25-Nov-15 15:23:54

Higher dose ADs have kicked in a bit more but I'm struggling more than ever today. Trying to distract myself with Xmas shopping but it's not actually hiding the fact that I feel like crap. Can't manage anything, can't even imagine the house being tidy enough to put the tree up let alone anything else. DH just found out he probably won't even be able to get time off in January so there's an endless stretch ahead where I have no support whatsoever.

Nothing to do with Christmas sorry just needed a rant, I have nobody else to talk to ATM

Star2015 Wed 25-Nov-15 19:43:23

Sorry Fuzz that you're feeling so crap....

You're not alone, I'm not feeling Christmas right now, usually have my cards written and decorations up etc now but the last couple of weeks I've lost interest.

Stay strong, maybe do little Christmassy things each day, so try and get 15 minutes quiet time to enjoy a mince pie etc.

Look after yourself smile

Favouritethings Thu 26-Nov-15 07:32:38

Hope today is a better day fuzz

LittleReindeerwithcloggson Thu 26-Nov-15 09:00:21

I'm not a Dr but deal with quite a few people with similar illnesses in my job. One thing that really helps them is lists in small chunks and just concentrating on one at a time. Eg 1. Clean toilet 2. Bleach sink 3. Put one wash on etc. It's written one task on one page of a small notepad so there's no long disheartening list to look at and the page gets ripped out when done.
The plan is that they aim for one a day, even if they made having a bad day. If it's a good day they do more than one.
It's that sense of achievement that they've done at least one of them and as the days go by more and more gets done.
It's not going to help you feel better about Christmas but it might help you feel better about being in control and getting things done
Please don't think Im patronising or anything like that, it's just that I've seen it help lots of people

MTWTFSS Thu 26-Nov-15 09:18:00

We have Christmas with just me, DH, DS1 (4.5yo) and DS2 (3yo) and it is THE BEST!!! grin

The entire day in PJs with duvets on the sofa is awesome!!! Plus you can eat what ever you like, how you like (including plate licking) with no judgement grin

Baconyum Fri 27-Nov-15 06:00:10

Family fallout means just me n dd this year, I'm finding it really hard to get going. Also depression doesn't help so I definitely get where you're coming from.

flowers for all who are struggling.

revealall Fri 27-Nov-15 14:05:14

But to be fair it's not even December yet!

I think it's good to remember Christmas Day is just 24 hours with maybe another 24 for Christmas Eve. It's pointless having two months of preparation for it .And by Boxing Day it's all done for another year.

My best Christmas's have always been the most last minute ones. Not being able to start getting ready until work finished or the boyfriend flew in. I overthink things and I just get stressed when I start too early.

Don't underestimate the power commercialism has to sap your joy. Went to Barcelona the week before Christmas one year and it was a revelation. Beautiful decorations but none of the nonsense of panic buying and crowds for everything. It helps their celebration is on the 6th Jan but it really put our stressed December into perspective.

fuzzpig Fri 27-Nov-15 16:52:16

That's very true. Thank you.

I've kind of flung myself wholeheartedly into choosing presents now, as usual! Thankfully my DCs are only 8 and 6 and aren't bothered or even aware about 'must have' toys/gadgets etc so there isn't any pressure in that sense, I'm just enjoying choosing little things for the DCs and DH. That makes me happy.

You have made me realise though that I do feel pressure about buying for other people. That does make me really anxious, I can at least now blame my ASD (diagnosed recently) grin basically I panic about not being able to tell what people like or if they hate what I give them etc. I think if we arrange to see friends I might ask if we can not exchange gifts. They are incredibly generous but we just can't afford to reciprocate at all really, I'm sure they'll understand especially now that I'm on sick pay etc.

It's just turning into a general 'meh' feeling now, getting headaches a lot as well which is making me incredibly grumpy blush

DH has got a couple of interviews next week so here's hoping. Being out of his current horrible job would be great.

I really really want to try and get the house a little better but have zero energy. I want to get rid of a bag of rubbish/clutter every day.

Thank you very much everyone. thanks

Baconyum Sat 28-Nov-15 08:07:16

Have made first and largest purchase due to black fri. That helped a bit, galvanised me to check budget and realised I'm not too skiñt which was a worry. Looking at board games and got ideas from another thread what to do as it's just me n dd. still feel fairly meh though.

fuzzpig Sat 28-Nov-15 14:43:21

I recognised your name from the board game thread smile hope you have a nice day playing something together. Games are my favourite part of Christmas (and one reason I really love our 'second Xmas' with my DSCs, who always spend the day itself with their mum - we have a great time playing lots of games and quizzes etc). It's unfortunate that my parents really aren't into that (although they do now agree to play Uno) so I often feel we are celebrating around them rather than with them IYSWIM!

Baconyum Sat 28-Nov-15 14:47:00

We love games too but there's usually more of us. Sister has been a nightmare and so now NC (long time coming) but it means missing out on dn's company.

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