Where to spend Christmas dilemma :((9 Posts)
A bit of background, I am French but have lived in England with dh (who is Scottish) for over 20 years. We usually do Christmas at my parents in france, although when dc were younger we did sometimes (maybe 1/3 of the time?) stay in England for Christmas.
We haven't had Christmas in Scotland since dc were toddlers (now late teens) because my lovely mil died and fil remarried a horrible woman. We have spent new years there but it was not a sucess (left alone with a frozen pizza while they went to a party).
I would like to see my parents this winter, as they are getting old and Christmas and summer is the only time we visit. Also they will otherwise spend Christmas alone dsis and her dc will be there for the runup to Christmas but not the day itself.
Ds wants to go to france for Christmas as "its more fun than just staying at home" and he wants to see his cousins.
Dd has left home. She is in theory not fussed about having Christmas at france or in England, but would like to see grandparents and as she can only get 5 days holiday over the Christmas period it wouldn't be possible to have Christmas in England AND see gps, so she said on balance she wants to have Christmas in france.
Dh DOESN'T want to go to france, wants to spend Christmas in England. So now it looks like everyone will have to stay in England as we can't really leave him on his own. He moans that we see my parents far too often (twice a year!) although I'm not stopping him visiting his dad, he just never goes even when he has the chance.
Alternatively me and ds could go before Christmas to see his cousins and gps but then my parents will still be alone on the day, and dd won't get to see them. My parents can't come here are they are very anxious about travel and it would involve at least a 4 hour drive to airport and then a flight.
Personally I think that if you are living in his country he should accept you'll want to go back to your home country for events like Christmas. It's part of the deal, isn't it?
Your DC sound like sensible grownups, would it ruin Christmas if you all went without DH? It's an option...
Does your husband shop & cook for Christmas!? I would say that after running around after relatives (in laws) we finally have a compromise of staying in our own home Christmas Eve & day! Stephens day is with in laws. See mine Xmas eve after church & Christmas night for an hour or two but never any pressure! We all live locally.
I would ask Dh why he feels so strongly. Maybe he wants to stay at home & relax? Is he burnt out and just needs to not have to travel? Could you & kids go over after Stephens day before new yr?
Sorry to dripfeed but I left out something important which is that our marriage is not going very well atm, which could be why he feels the need to put his foot down re Christmas. We never do things together any more.
bootygirl dh has NEVER shopped or cooked except when I am away for work (one or two weeks a year) and even then expects the big food shop to be done and will eat mostly frozen leftovers. Christmas cooking? Don't make me laugh
I don't understand why one person gets to over rule 3 others
I think you should go.
Is there somewhere near your parents you could all stay in an hotel? I can understand your DH not wanting to be cooped up with his in-laws every Christmas (once was enough for me). I am Scottish so I also understand your reluctance to head North.
Alternatively could your DH accompany you all for the day and then head off on his own?
It always amazes me that a partner who does not help should get to issue ultimatums! (I am blessed that my DH does an awful lot this has been a process ie if you want your great aunt Betty once removed to get a card buy it, write it & post it yourself!! Plus I was too ill at one stage to do it all so he had no choice!).
But I am wondering if your having issues that he may feel very uncomfortable putting a brave face on it. Could you split it and you and dc's go visit grand parents just after Xmas day? However I would be insisting on help from everyone not doing it all alone unless you want to!
I agree with Awoof. there are four family members and three of them agree on something, then I don't see why the one person not agreeing gets to overrule that.
I don't think that it will improve your marriage to bow to your DHs wishes.
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