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Help me, wise ones

(7 Posts)
avocadotoast Tue 28-Jul-15 22:30:03

I've decided to start my Christmas shopping much earlier than usual this year; I want everything sorted as soon as possible. That's one thing, I'm pretty sure I can do that ok.

But. In recent years there seems a trend in my extended family (dad's side mostly) of buying for everyone. I don't mind buying tins of biscuits or whatever for aunties & uncles but my adult cousins all started buying for me and each other and it's getting a bit much. There's seven of us, plus a couple of them have long term partners, and I just can't deal with it! We don't spend much, but even a fiver a person really adds up. I need to put a stop to it (for me at least, everyone else can do what they want).

This year I have DD as well, so I was thinking of taking an approach of making it about her, not much money as on mat leave, etc. But I don't want to get into a pattern of them buying for her and me still feeling like I have to buy back for them IYSWIM.

How would you approach this? It's tricky because I barely see them (as in, two or three times a year), so the only way of contacting them really is via Facebook. I tried a few years ago to send a message saying I wasn't buying for anyone, so don't buy for me, and it worked that year but then the next year we were back to square one... hmm

mrsmeerkat Tue 28-Jul-15 22:34:03

That is really awkward and I get you. It is a bit blunt to message them when you don't see each other very much. I actually keep a stash of yankees in my car at christmas incase a member of staff buys me something.

Could you send your christmas cards early with a little note that you are donating to charity instead of all the gifts and that the only present you want is their presence (I am shit at wording stuff)

BenguinsMummy Wed 29-Jul-15 12:30:58

I feel your pain, I still have this issue with my inlaws side of the family, granted that most of them are adults, but even the £5 bottle of wine for the adults and gifts for their kids based on one joint gift to us really adds up... Especially with the "our children don't eat sweets so please don't buy them a £1 selection box as a gift" request. So.... I have a solid rule of only buying for the children if they buy for ours and this process comes to an end when children reach 18... We lost a few family members that way, but I can't say I really noticed too much apart from the extra £15-20 we save each year... I also have a rule of having seen that family member at least once every 2-3 months to warrant the feeling of "requirement" to buy a gift.... Harsh, but it works...

ilovelamp82 Wed 29-Jul-15 12:42:46

Why don't you suggest a Secret Santa amongst you with a limit on what you can spend. I'm sure if you explain that you are on maternity leave and so just want to concentrate on your DD people will understand. That way everyone gets a nice present rather than lots of pieces of tat.

RockySpeed Wed 29-Jul-15 13:27:04

I was also going to suggest a secret Santa - we started this with a £20 limit with DH's brothers and sisters and partners. We also all have an Amazon wish list so we all get something we want!

LokiBear Wed 29-Jul-15 20:53:10

Do they have kids? If I were you, id be direct and send a private message simply saying that you are starting your preparations early this year due to being on mat leave and having to budget, and you wondered if everyone would agree to just buy the kids this year. You might find that your cousins are relieved.

avocadotoast Thu 30-Jul-15 21:27:01

I'm the only one with a kid at the minute, though one of my cousins is pregnant and will have baby by Christmas, so we might both be in the same boat!

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