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Struggling with Christmas...

(17 Posts)
Hallamoo Sun 14-Dec-14 17:23:01

Any advice on how to get through it?

I struggle with Christmas, I always miss my Dad (he passed away 8 years ago), my childhood Christmases were difficult.

I struggle with all the tat, all the noise, all the mess and all the people!

Tricky as I have 4DC, and 14 to feed on Christmas Day, and people staying for a few days before and after.

Please be gentle..

holeinmyheart Sun 14-Dec-14 17:32:44

What you really need is a miracle, unfortunately they are few and far between.
You need to be ruthlessly organised and ask for specific help. Surely all of the 14 don't expect to sit down whilst you wait on them hand and foot, so they?
So that is my advice. Say to the assembled company ' Uncle Bill could you? Auntie Mavis could you do ..... Etc.
There is no alternative other than getting totally sozzled and throwing up on everyone and retiring to bed.
You could do a Mr Polly, but some of the 14 might have read the book.

You have my utmost sympathy. What possessed you to agree to having 14 people to Christmas Lunch ? Xxxx to you as you are going to need it.

Blue2014 Sun 14-Dec-14 17:33:08

Oh you poor thing. Maybe try to find some quiet space? And maybe a time to think of your dad?

And it doesn't have to be about tat, kids will be demanding but you can tone that down (with a lot of hard work!)

They say it helps to give back so maybe do something for a charitable cause (sponsored silence?? wink)

chloejaynemummy Sun 14-Dec-14 17:35:13

I always light a candle for my dad and have a quiet moment to my self I lost my dad 5 years ago in January a week before my birthday my mum died when I was 5 as well so christmas I struggle but I love christmas and throw my self into it making sure dd enjoys her self xxx

Chottie Sun 14-Dec-14 17:35:17

My goodness - please make sure you have some help. Can you ask people to bring food stuff ready prepared to help take the pressure off you? How old are your DCs?

Purpleflamingos Sun 14-Dec-14 17:38:33

Why were your childhood Christmases difficult? If you can sort that issue out will Christmas become better?

Purpleflamingos Sun 14-Dec-14 17:41:17

I didn't want to be insensitive, I lost my dad in 1999. My sister face books his memory every Christmas and birthday whereas I'm happy to have grieved and moved on and realise we had wonderful memories but it's the past and we are still living. He's not forgotten.

Hallamoo Sun 14-Dec-14 17:43:49

Thank you everyone.

DC are 13, 10, 6 & 3. SIL will cook the turkey and bring it, DSis will bring puddings, DH is also really helpful, so I do have help. It's just the thought of being responsible for it all, and expected to enjoy it, and get teasingly berated for not constantly laughing & joking.

Unfortunately I have no choice over the 14, I would love to have a Christmas with just DH and the DC, but unfortunately I get overruled every year (...but Christmas is for family...), plus we have the biggest house (and we have too many DC to be invited anywhere!) I would love to go away at Christmas, but that is vetoed too.

I just need to grin and bear it, don't I?

CatCushion Sun 14-Dec-14 17:46:28

Could you set an extra place at the table for your father? Many families do this as a mark of respect, and remember an absent LO. (Those who don't like it can cater for themselves next year.)

defineme Sun 14-Dec-14 17:47:53

So you have 8 guests on the day? I assume some of them are adults, so they can sort out drinks and pudding?
dh and I divide all the jobs and do a timetable, would that help?
how old are your kids? Can they help?
Re tat, outside presents eg bikes and rollerskates, vouchers, tech presents...all seem to cut down on tat and space, but then all our relatives prefer to be told ehat to get dc.
one year we had a new kitten and I kept disappearing off with my bucks fizz to look after it as the kitten didn't like the noise.
another year we had my mum's dog and I kindly walked it 3 times...
I love the idea of lighting a candle. .I will do one for my dadsmile

Hallamoo Sun 14-Dec-14 17:48:24

My Dad was bi-polar, who self medicated with alcohol when he was in a manic phase.

Childhood Christmases were usually spent wondering when he would come home, what state he would be in, which piece of furniture or toy he would break when he fell on it. Whether he would make it back alive, and my Mum being so cross with him that she would shout at him, and then get upset.

I'm trying really hard not to make my DC hate Christmas too, I had a wobble today, almost like a panic attack, had to hide from the DC so they didn't see me upset.

Hallamoo Sun 14-Dec-14 17:50:36

CatCushion, that is a lovely idea, but I'll struggle to seat 14 at the table, let alone an extra place. I do like the idea of the candle though, I'll definitely do that.

defineme Sun 14-Dec-14 17:51:19

Can you possibly afford to go out?
Or let go of the feeling responsible...that is an attitude that can be reversed.
you need a polite but firm respose to that teasing. Would mentioning your dad not shut them up?

girlywhirly Mon 15-Dec-14 09:02:26

Hallamoo, just because yours is the biggest house is no reason for you to have to host every Christmas. I think you should say that this year will be your last as hosts. Your guests may be bringing things and helping, but it is still an imposition and a strain. Are they truly aware of how much, and that you get upset and panicky? I don't think they do, if they tease you for not being the life and soul of the party. They all come to you, yet no-one is able to accommodate your family of six? How exactly is that fair? Why is DH not sticking up for you?

I realise that it would be too late to cancel this year, but please let people know that you can't keep on hosting.

MissLurkalot Mon 15-Dec-14 14:38:53

OP, I think you need to concentrate on yourself and begin thinking about looking into some kind of counselling. I say this as I too have suffered great trauma at a young age. I have had counselling and it helped, massively.

I think you need to concentrate on making new Christmas memories with your family and stop living in the past. Sorry for my bluntness.

My fear was that if I wasn't careful, my anxieties would take over and history would repeat itself. Christmas would be ruined and I would never forgive myself for it.

I have 4dcs, and I concentrate on making happy Christmas memories for them. That is my task I feel now. My tears are short lived now and I'm looking to the future. You too can do this. take care of yourself lovely xx

Infinity8 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:31:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

schmeegle Mon 15-Dec-14 18:05:10

I agree with the above. Make it your misson this Christmas to infirm everyone that next Christmas is time for a change. That'll help you get through this one.

I can empathise with fighting your demons for the sake of your children. It's not easy. sad

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