noticeable present inequality(61 Posts)
DD1 (5) has asked for a tablet. DD2 is only 2 so Santa has decided for her and is bringing a kitchen, new pram for her baby, play food etc. We have actually spent £30 less on DD2. We could afford to make it up, but we feel she will be overwhelmed and we would rather put the extra into her savings.
We have explained to DD1 that DD2 will probably have more gifts because tablets are expensive and anything Santa brings DD2 won't cost as much.
However, DD1 is only going to have 4 actual gifts to open, and her stocking. Compared to DD2s 15 or so presents, I am not sure that a 5 year old can actually ever be fully prepared for that.
Has anyone else had a situation like this? How did DC cope? For me the Santa experience is mainly the WOW factor when they first see all the gifts and I don't think DD1 will have that this year.
I'd pop to the £ shop to even them up a little, or do something like a movie kit (DVD, chocolate, popcorn and fluffy socks wrapped individually), or books. DD1 is still too young to realise that some things cost more than others so this is a cheap way to sort this. She'll have that 'WOW'. If a child isn't use to having new toys every week etc then a few presents is going to look amazing as it's something out of the ordinary.
Yes I'm afraid I'd also take the view that at 5 she is too young to understand the concept that father christmas takes cost into account. I'd buy her some very cheap extra gifts to reflect the fact that DD2 will have more presents.
Box set of ten books from the book people could be split to make three decent sized presents. Box of maltesers, coloured pencils, colouring books, hair slides, christmas socks (Home bargains has them for 49p)
Thing is, theres nothing else she needs or wants, we have got everything on her list, and other things that weren't on it. I have already bought stationery and colouring books and one of those sweety pizzas for her stocking.
She doesn't play with toys really. So buying anything else would honestly be a waste of money and just more junk in the house getting kicked round her room. She will get more Santa presents at her dads house too (DH not her dad). Sorry, I forgot about that bit, don't mean to drip feed.
Gah. I would get her more things if I could think of something she would want and use.
Can you hold back some of dd2's presents for her birthday or similar?
As you say, at that age it's not the cost of the presents that they notice. I'd have gone for a similarish number rather than worrying too much about the cost.
Ds1 is getting approximately 4x as much spent on him as ds2, because ds1 is 7 and into Lego, and ds2 is 20months and will be happy with his plastic teaset
I'd be tempted to bulk uo DD1's pile a bit, because she won't understand and everything has to be fair with siblings!
Argos have some cardboard castles that you can colour in for £9.99 that I think are good. This link is for a fairy castle, there's also a knight one.
Or what about a space hopper
for yourself they're huge, and cheap?
Pillow pets are nice and big. New duvet cover or something for her room might bulk it up and be useful like a bean bag or reading light.
Mmm yes, she would love a space hopper actually. Right, I will look at them, great idea.
We already have one of those colouring in house things. She loved that too!
DD2s birthday is just past and we were reserved with presents then because xmas was coming.
We already got them a bean bag each as the one we had is done.
Oh I forgot about the pillow pets. Yes, will get one of those too.
Useful things to bump up the pile...
New plastic plate/bowl/cup set
Cosy character blanket
New hat/scarf/glove set
Night light/light show thingy
I don't think she will care. My children never compare. I think it's something people do when they are older and are more worried about feeling like they haven't be short changed. Get some really cheap fillers if it makes you feel better.
Books? A few nice books and annuals would pad her pile out nicely and you can never have too many books.
Most 5 year olds are going to think a stocking is a huge number of presents in itself, so I'd be surprised if she even notices. I think my DD at 5 would understand that the tablet is more expensive so she gets fewer other things, but I can see you don't want to take the risk.
How about wrapping DD2's in bundles? So put the play food and pans IN the kitchen so that's one thing, doll in pram if you are giving both, pair of puzzles wrapped together. Will still be tonnes for DD2, plus stocking.
Maybe wrap some of the two year olds up in one present so they have a similar number to unwrap?
Random suggestion that maybe totally unrealistic but I'm guessing that DD1 will be having a 'second' Christmas day with her biological father.
Would it be possible for you to have a second Christmas of sorts with DD2 where she opens some of her presents. This means that DD1 will have more presents at the same time (all be it at a different place) IYSWIM.
Could you not give the kitchen to both of them? My 5 yr old would play with it.
DD1 suggested herself that as DD2 still doesn't understand presents, she would be able to help her open them. And she does understand about the cost, we don't have a lot of expensive gadgets, neither of us have a tablet, and I only have a second hand netbook. So she definitely appreciates how special getting a tablet is. There are no consoles in the house and only one TV. So it is a big thing for her.
Its just in comparison to the kitchen and the pram which are huge items and a big wow factor. She will end up playing with all DD2s toys anyway, they get on great together.
I have ordered a space hopper and I am going to get a glow pet from argos as I have a voucher from there that needs used anyway.
Great suggestions everyone, thanks.
I would hold back on some of your DD2s presents - I think 15 is too overwhelming for a child that age. Last year DS opened one thing (he was nearly 2) and then ignored his other 5-6 packages and I ended up opening them!
Good idea though about wrapping them up in bundles.
My Ds is 7 and is getting a tablet. My younger son is 3. I told my Ds that the elves have a set amount of time to spend making each child's gifts and a tablet is very complicated to build. I told him that making things like playmobil for his brother is very simple and like using moulds for cakes.
He seems to think that makes perfect sense and is fully expecting himself to.only have one gift (he will have 4) and for his brother to have loads (he has 11, but spent almost €80 less on him).
I'm in a tizz because the piles are so different but my dh keeps reminding me that Ds is thrilled he is getting what he really wants. He wanted one last year but I said no (had gotten a very large gift the year before and didn't want him to expect such high value items every Christmas) so has been lusting after one for a whole year.
The thing about holding back gifts is that they are all interlinked. Most of it is to go with the kitchen, and then theres a few things that go with the pram. She hasn't had any toys bought at all this year except one thing for her birthday, so they are long over due. We really haven't gone over board either. It sounds a lot but all the presents are in context and useful.
And I'm not sure that DD2 getting less because DD1 got a more expensive gift is very fair either. Even if she is only 2. DD2 plays with toys so much more than DD1 ever did.
There is probably a good lesson in here for DD1, regarding the value of things and fairness, once the initial flurry is over. Plus shes getting a trampoline and a flicker scooter at her dads, not to mention the wider family giving her presents too.
I suppose I was getting too caught up in the WOW factor and hadn't considered the bigger picture. DD1 will always have two full santa experiences every year, while DD2 will only have one. (Doesn't ease my guilt over DD1s life though. )
If all the kitchen stuff is interlinked, then you could definitely find a nice box, and consolidate it all into one big box of 'kitchen accessories'
And it's a good lesson for your DD1 (who sounds lovely and very mature anyway).
I would agree with padding it out with cheaper things you might buy her over the course of the year anyway - some bubble bath, a drinking bottle, beach towel, an umbrella, a lunchbox?
Have had the same with my dd's although dd1 is 10 so should understand, I have managed to buy her a few things she actually need so she has more to open ( clothes, bath bombs, wooly hat and gloves ) so they have roughly the same amount of presents ( dd2's will look more as the gifts are bigger ).
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