Christmas lists for adults?

[Misty9]

My dc are too young to write lists but I can appreciate it's useful for other family members to get an idea of what children might like. But adults writing lists? My in laws do this and I just find it a bit grabby? I attempt to come up with a couple of things I'd like if asked bloody january birthday but I wouldn't write an actual list, except maybe for dh as he struggles with present buying!

[RedButtonhole]

I think it's grabby to have lists at all. DS writes a letter to santa, it has a couple of things on it, three at the most. The rest I guage from what he seems interested in, or often "i wish id put that in my santa letter!"

I've seen some on here who have huge long lists and I think it's a bit off to encourage children to ask for loads of stuff whether you intend buying it all or not.

Adults making lists is grabby, who are they handing the list to? Fair enough if someone asks you then tell them but don't stick a list up for people, very grabby.

[Pollywallywinkles]

We always give ideas, which I guess is a list of sorts. It may just be verbal rather than written down. DH has not been very helpful this year with ideas, so it has been a bit of a struggle with him.

I'm not a mind reader, so if someone would really like something for Christmas its sensible that they tell me.

DD and DH always ask me what I want for Christmas and I email them both a list. I now point out that they need to consult with each other as one year I got two of everything.

[LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops]

Yes, I like to give people something they want rather than me trying to think of something and potentially getting it wrong.

[PesoPenguin]

I've never heard of adults writing Christmas lists except for on mn. It seems really odd to me and self absorbed. If someone asked me for present ideas, I'd have a think on the spot but not in advance.

[Pollywallywinkles]

We only give ideas when asked. But those ideas generally form a list.

Struggle to see how that is grabby?

The end result is that folk get what they would like/want/need and the buyer can buy with confidence. Win/win in my opinion.

[ARightOldPickle]

We give ideas lists in our family, fail to see how that is grabby? We are always grateful for ideas for those who are difficult to buy for, we aren't tied to the list and can give surprises, it's just nice to have a general idea of the kind of things people are into at the moment.

If you don't want to do lists fine, but if others find it works on their family, why shouldn't they? Calling them grabby is a bit rude.

[Hulababy]

We all do it in our family now. But only because of being asked for ideas over several years before. The lists are done on amazon but include ideas from they sites. The link is only ever sent to people if the ask.

I prefer it when my siblings etc make an ideas list.

[Hulababy]

Oh and my list covered things from a couple of pounds to thinks costing way way more. The list is also used by myself to treat myself in the year occasionally too.

I never check the purchased list so don't know what people have bought specifically near Christmas and birthdays.

[MorrisZapp]

Oh for the love of god. How is it grabby to want to save endless hassle, expense and waste by writing a list? It isn't grabby at all.

[plumstone]

Big fan of a list, I have one with like the OP said a variety of prices, if someone asks what I want I for Xmas or birthday - v. Close to Christmas, I tell them, saves them trying to work out what I would like, getting it wrong, and my "oh it's lovely/do you not know me at all" face. Have to say it saves DF no end of stress or worry and they know that I will love the gift, may not have the element of surprise but it works for us. I also prefer when I ask what someone wants they tell me, I can't buy "oh anything", "just whatever" or my personal fav "oh don't waste your money" - few years ago I decided not to, spent two days in PJs holed up at home, alone, champagne, nibbles, and no stress, it was great and I had loads of spare cash to hit the sales with, family have since then always been able to give me a few ideas! :)

[TheFowlAndThePussycat]

I have a list because people ask what I would like & if I don't tell them then they end up buying me stuff I don't want & then have to house or get rid of.

I tried the 'please don't worry, I'm happy with nothing' thing a few years ago but everybody still bought me stuff I didn't want.

TBH I find the piles of stuff at Christmas a bit stomach churning anyway, so I choose useful things (this year an overnight bag) and I had a bit of a brainwave that my mum could knit me a jumper - we will choose the wool & pattern together.

I'm a little bemused about why it is better for people to randomly guess?

[Orangeisthenewbanana]

We do lists, or at the bare minimum specific suggestions. I would rather buy someone (and be given) things that are actually wanted/useful than something random. That doesn't mean to say I don't use my instinct or brain and get something different if I am sure they will love it (like surprise tickets last year for The Book of Mormon for DH). I also put vouchers as an option, as my birthday is in Christmas week and people (and I!) struggle to think of wanted gifts for both, all in one go!

I don't think it's grabby unless you expect to be given everything off the list, or you put on stuff that is a bit cheeky e.g. expensive/difficult to source.

[TheFantasticMrsFox]

We have done an amazon wish list for DS(10) this year as he wants several quite specific items for a ski trip next year. It's only my DM who has been sent it though as she's the only one who asks.
TBH I have just checked what she has bought and I know DS will be thrilled. She is very much prone to improvising so a request for one pair of ski socks, in X size from X shop may well result in 5 pairs of character socks which are not suitable for skiing. She just sees "5 pairs for the same price as 1" :)
Anyway, she spent 5 minutes yesterday raving about how easy it was to buy stuff and how she can now browse round the shops and drink coffee with no stress, so all seems well at her end :o

[AggressiveBunting]

I think it's fine providing you send it only when asked and don't just randomly email it to all your contacts.

[Artandco]

We always have lists.

We live in a small flat and x4 of us so we can't just find space for some huge gadget.

We have ours so can direct people if they want to something useful. We also say no gift is fine or just something edible so it doesn't require a home!

For the children the same. Their lists are mainly things that get used up ie paper/ paints/ playdough or clothing/ stuff they need.
This year they need ski socks as above also, new duvet covers ( just moved to single size from Cotbed), and pjamas. Relatives can see from online lists what they actually need and pride ranges from £1 up

[olbas]

Dh asks me for a list of idea...Dh ignores list and buys what he thinks I want

[Heavymetalmater]

I have learnt from experience that giving gifts as surprises are not always well received and have gone insused. I don't have the money to waste buying something that won't get used so would rather ask what someone would like.

[Misty9]

Some good points here, have made me think. I guess for me, because my family haven't done adult presents for a few years now (unless we actually see each other on the day, which due to distance is rare unfortunately) the whole concept of buying presents for parents of adult children is a bit alien to me. But then my parents were always a bit tight fisted!

I do agree that surprise presents will often go unused, it's just the list usually contains quite expensive items - probably a hangover from when dh was single and well off, not harried and broke with kids!

I'll take back the grabby statement, but I still find it a bit strange.

[Sukebind]

I would love not to have to do presents between us and my dh's siblings and certain other adults and I have to say lists or 'ideas' have occasionally caused me stress (thank you, mil) but the only thing worse than trying to buy a present for a very well off 36 year old when our budget is much smaller is trying to guess what they would like when a) you don't see them much, have never been to their house or really know them that well and b) you know full well they could afford to buy themselves a better version of whatever you are going to give them is the idea you are wasting money on something they will at best be meh about and at worse hide in a cupboard.
I always feel nervous receiving gifts - I worry at whether I seem grateful enough. If someone asks me in advance what I would like then I will happily try to think of something so they don't waste money and time and I know I can be genuine and not have to create a whole pantomime about how lovely xxxx is. The latter reason is selfish but I am really not grabby and would happily not have any present at all! That's not what Christmas is about for me. The whole splurge of money and souped up emotion makes me uncomfortable.