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Thank you letters

(10 Posts)
ClearlyMoo Fri 21-Nov-14 22:44:48

My Mum has a policy that if she doesn't get a thank you she misses the next opportunity to give a gift. So if a niece doesn't thank her for a birthday present, she won't get anything that Christmas, etc.

I always thought this was harsh, but I regularly buy a small Christmas gift for a distant relations DCs. They don't live nearby but sometimes I post a gift, sometimes I drop it in when I pass by.

A few years ago I tweeted about being sad not to get thank you letter from a gift I'd given someone else... This distant relative flamed me saying you don't give to get thanked.

I have t received thank you letters from her DCs in two maybe three years.

No I don't give to get thanked, I do however think it's not unreasonable to get an acknowledgment for a gift that's been posted.

Wondering what to give them this year and I think I won't send anything.

squiggleirl Sat 22-Nov-14 00:04:17

Whatever about a grown-up, I think it's a harsh thing to do to a child. It's one thing to have an issue with the parents, and how they do things, but to penalise a child because you don't like how their parents are bringing them up, doesn't seem entirely in the spirit of Christmas and present-giving.

Lucylouby Sat 22-Nov-14 00:26:31

You sound like my aunt. I've taken the view that if she doesn't want to send my children a present because she doesn't get a thank you card for it, that's up to her. We will still get her something and I will bet my last pound that we won't get a thankyou card from her (only important for children to do this apparently). Giving a present isn't done to get a thank you note.
All my children say please and thankyou and have good manners in other aspects so I don't worry I am bringing up rude children, we just don't do thank you cards.
Saying that, it's perhaps nice to send a text/fb message/note if something has been posted so the sender knows it got their safely.

JohnCusacksWife Sat 22-Nov-14 00:33:00

If I receive a gift from someone who's not there at the time to thank I send a thank you note, and so do my kids. It's rude in the extreme to accept a gift and not say thanks. You would say thanks to someone if they were there so you should do the same if they're not. I think I'm probably in the minority on MN for thinking this but hey ho!

ClearlyMoo Sat 22-Nov-14 08:39:25

Maybe the presents I give are too mundane. If I found something awesome, perhaps they'd HAVE to thank me/ at least post a fb pic acknowledging gift!!!

ClashCityRocker Sat 22-Nov-14 09:51:52

I don't understand the hoo-hah about making a child sit down and write umpteen notes saying exactly the same thing just to prove a point.

We just ring up relatives we don't see who've sent a gift to thank them personally - much nicer to have a conversation than a pro-forma 'dear auntie xyz, thank you for my stationery set which I am using to write this thank you letter on. It was very thoughtful blah blah blah.

Apart from my nana. She'd disown us if she didn't get a thank you letter.

theITgirl Sat 22-Nov-14 10:03:57

I have decided to stop getting my SIL and nephew Christmas presents this year as I am sick of getting no thank you or acknowledgement from them. I do not know if the present ever arrives. BTW nephew is 22 so no longer a child.
If they send something to us, I will at least phone to say thank you. SIL will then just carry on the conversation .

One year she even called me to ask if our presents had arrived, this actually was the day the parcel arrived. This was aweek or so after christmas, parcel was posted after christmas. Then once I had had said thank you, it had arrived that morning, started a normal conversation. So I asked if my parcel arrived, she said yes, then carried on talking!!!!!

ShanghaiDiva Sat 22-Nov-14 10:09:29

If you don't receive the gift in person then a thank you is necessary IMO. Can be a phone call, email or letter. These are the rules for my children and I also abide by them. Not acknowledging the gift is rude.
I live overseas and it really pisses me off when I have no idea if presents have even arrived- yes dear brother and sil am looking at you two.

Snapespotions Sat 22-Nov-14 10:13:34

You sound a bit mean tbh.

I do always make my dd write thank you notes but I have given plenty of gifts and received nothing in response. I acknowledge that it's rude, but for me, it's no big deal. I genuinely don't give in order to get thanked, and so I'm not that bothered - the pleasure is in the actual giving, and in choosing something that will make the recipient happy.

It's up to you if you don't want to give any more presents to people who don't thank you. There is no obligation to give gifts to anyone of you don't want to. But I think you ought to examine your motivations carefully. If it bothers you that much, then you're kidding yourself to say that you don't give to get thanked. Obviously you do!!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo Sat 22-Nov-14 11:02:41

It annoys me if I don't get an acknowledgement of a present that I've sent in the post, mostly because I worry it hasn't arrived. Whether or not a child thanks you for a present is down to the parents, so I wouldn't take it out on the child. A verbal thanks is fine (though I do try and find the time to make sure DS does thank you notes though).

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