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DS is doubting FC - how have you dealt with this?

(48 Posts)
Muchtoomuchtodo Thu 20-Nov-14 22:19:17

Ds2 is 6 and the world is very black and white to him.

He's announced this evening that there can't be a FC - it's ridiculous, there's no way that one person could deliver all around the world!

His DB is 9, and has never shown any sign of doubting until tonight.

We've got a book that explains all about time zones and that's how it's done, but neither of them seem convinced.

Ds1 I could just about cope with not believing - but I have no idea what to say to him.

DS2 seems too young to not believe - I'd expected to get another couple of years from him at least!

I know this is probably more my problem than theirs, but how have you / would you deal with this?

SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered Thu 20-Nov-14 22:25:26

DD1 went through this when she was around 6yrs but she went back to believing again, it seems it was a phase

LaurieFairyCake Thu 20-Nov-14 22:26:40

"Only people who believe in Father Christmas get Christmas presents"

Even 16 year olds get that with a raised eyebrow grin

KnittedJimmyChoos Thu 20-Nov-14 22:27:37

def a phase, play down, say its natutal to question it, you did too as a child, but its real..

Crikeyblimey Thu 20-Nov-14 22:28:37

I used to say 'its up to you what you believe. If you want to risk it, go ahead'!! Usually met with a 'well, I suppose he's not let me down yet'!!

Passive aggressive lying to my child is my parenting style of choice!! smile

Muchtoomuchtodo Thu 20-Nov-14 22:28:57

Thanks.

Hope you're right and it is just a phase.

I'm not ready for them not to believe!

Noggie Thu 20-Nov-14 22:33:14

Both my dds have gone through phases of vaguely questioning/ repeating other kids disbelief but currently going with it- me saying 'you've got to believe to receive' might be 'helping'? Feel sad that they are past the totally 100% believing stage hmm x

flowerpowergirl Thu 20-Nov-14 23:57:05

Have you looked at the NORAD site? You can track Santa and there's a great technical explanation of how the time thing works. More convincing than 'it's magic'. Worked for my son anyway around age 7/8. He still believes I think. Now age 9.

Tzibeleh Fri 21-Nov-14 00:04:52

What's wrong with him no longer believing? It can still be just as magical.

BettyFocker Fri 21-Nov-14 00:09:34

I can remember questioning things like, "Well we don't have a chimney so how does he get in?"

AFAIR I still believed for another year or two. My parents explained they sent him a key and that seemed a good enough answer to me! I think it's natural to start questioning things and looking at things logically. Has someone at school said something to make him have doubts?

I have no experience as DS is 3 and very much a believer, but I would go along with playing it down. I think if you try to convince him with magical tales and elaborate explanations, it could have the opposite effect.

bigoldbird Fri 21-Nov-14 00:16:39

Well, obviously he exists because there are pictures of him everywhere. If he didn't exist how would people know what he looks like? Also, of course, he only brings presents to those that believe in him, my daughters (21 and 25) and son in law (29) all believe in him, therefore they hang up their stockings and the stockings get filled. I don't earn nearly enough to buy all that stuff so where does it come from if Santa doesn't bring it?

BrieAndChilli Fri 21-Nov-14 02:22:39

I have an app called Santas spy can which creates a little video of an elf in your house. I did it whilst in the car ad when I showed the kids ds2 couldn't believe the elf was jumping on top of his bag! They loved it, even ds1 who is 7 and the most scientific, factual serious little boy ever.

BrieAndChilli Fri 21-Nov-14 02:23:10

Cam not can

Sunna Fri 21-Nov-14 05:26:47

If he's intelligent enough to have worked it out then I think you should tell him the truth. Both DCs worked it out at 6/7 but it didn't make Christmas any less magical.

Muchtoomuchtodo Fri 21-Nov-14 23:19:46

Really? Christmas isn't less magical when they no longer believe?

Anyway, this morning I got an email from NSPCC saying that the letters from Santa that I've ordered have been posted (a bit early I think, I only ordered them last weekend in the hope they would be way down the list!) and neither of our ds's have written to him yet this year.

On the way home from school (it's easier without eye contact) I asked if either of them was going to write to him. Ds2 was immediately very keen and has written a lovely letter. Ds1 then said he wasn't because he wasn't real, I used the 'if you don't believe we'll have to see what happens on Christmas Eve' tactic and left it at that. I packed things away after ds2 had finished his letter, then ds1 sidled up wanting to do his grin

So they've both written and as far as they know they've been posted first class to him (I don't actually post them in case Royal Mail send another letter from Santa!).

bigbluestars Sat 22-Nov-14 07:53:22

Santa will always be alive because he lives in the most magical place of all- our imagination. There wasn't a time that my kids stopped believing because I always placed Santa in the realm of the fantastical/imaginary, which they seemed to accept. For young children the lines between imaginary and real are blurred anyway, and as my kids grew they increasingly accepted that Santa lived in the real of the fantastical, the mythical, a figure we cast, we weave into our christmas to make it magical.

It made Santa no less special though and even now as I have a 14 yo and a 17 yo Santa is still a very important figure at Christmas time. Santa still casts the christmas magic in our home, we still watch Norad and leave him biscuits and milk.

Sant needn't die if you don't want him to. Even as adults we can keep the spirit of Santa alive.
We also have a Scottish Brownie living in our home ( a type of house elf) but that's another story.

We don't make a big deal about Santa, the DCs never believed the NSPCC letters were real, or the Santas in grottos, not sure what they think now at nearly 9 and nearly 11, but we're still going to carry on putting out stockings, mince pies etc, I think it's just a gradual change of the traditions as they grow up, rather than an end to anything.

NCIS Sat 22-Nov-14 08:14:07

No Christmas really is no less magical when they don't believe. There's a lot more to Christmas than FC.

MillieMoodle Sat 22-Nov-14 08:25:04

"If you don't believe in Santa, he won't bring you any presents". My dear dad still says this to me and I'm 30. My grandpa said he didn't believe when he was a little boy and he got a lump of coal in his stocking. So I've never risked not believing!
Have you seen portable North Pole? You can get a video message from Santa with photos of your children, worth a look. grin

Muchtoomuchtodo Sat 22-Nov-14 10:27:38

I think the gradual drifting away of Santa playing such a key role will work. Yes, I can appreciate that there's a lot more to Christams than Santa but he's been a big part of our Christmasses since dc were born!

As they get older, they'll still get stockings. I like the idea of that bit - them playing along with it almost. Thinking back that's how it happened as I grew up.

I'll look into these apps - it'll be fun if nothing else.

I guess I need to accept that our ds's are growing up shock

Hurricaneinateacup Sat 22-Nov-14 10:30:30

Ds is 5 and questioned it from last year. He knows for sure that when we see santa it's just someone dressed up.
He says 'I don't think santa is real, do you?' and I say 'I think christmas is magical and it's up to each person what they believe. Santa is real in the eyes of people who believe in him.' And we've kind of left it at that.
I'm not outright lying to him. I had a very intelligent friend who believed until she was 12. Her younger siblings didnt believe and everyone at school laughed at her but she kept saying 'my parents wouldn't lie to me' and then when she realised they had she was really upset. For that reason I won't do the same to ds.

bigTillyMint Sat 22-Nov-14 10:37:32

I think DS was about 6 or 7 when he decided FC wasn't real. He and his bf (my friends DD) had a conversation about it and decided it wasn't logically possible! DD(who is 18months older) was outraged and I had to keep up the "well if you don't believe he won't be able to visit" so he kept up the pretence! Still wrote letters, left out mince pies, etc!

It never made any difference to our Christmases - they still loved all the magic of Christmassmile

NellysKnickers Sat 22-Nov-14 10:41:32

Ds1 was 8 last Christmas, he had been on for ages how FC wasn't real, Christmas Eve he cranked it up a notch so I told him the truth and he helped me do everyone's stocking etc. He was a bit sad he was proved right and has kept the secret from ds2. There does come a pointment when they NEED to know the truth, 6 would be old enough.

PacificDogwood Sat 22-Nov-14 10:42:02

I go with 'It's magic' and 'Those who don't believe don't get presents' with a 'wink' to DS1 and 2 who are 11 and 10 and totally clued up.
They play along nicely for their younger siblings.

I agree with not outright lying at them, but have no problem with keeping it vague and exciting until they ask me outright.

Tzibeleh Sat 22-Nov-14 10:48:16

I live in a household of engineers and techies, ranging in age from 8 to 48. None of them believe, all of them find Xmas magical (far more so than me!). They follow NORAD faithfully, plan what goodies they're going to leave out for the Fat Man, hang stockings, make wishes, everything, with delight and appreciation.

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