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I am fussy, how much should I let my host know?

(34 Posts)
AlyssInAManger Sun 15-Dec-13 19:02:03

I am going to spend Christmas at my MIL's house for the first time this year. I am quite fussy regarding food though. I don't eat meat because I don't like the texture, I don't eat carrots and I don't like most herbs and spices.
DP says that normally for breakfast they have bacon sandwiches. I have suggested that I have jam or peanut butter on toast instead, and I am willing to prepare this myself.
For dinner they have the traditional turkey, roast potatoes and all the trimmings. I have suggested that I have everything except the turkey and the carrots, there's no need to make something special for me.
For tea it's a snacky buffet thing so I will be fine there.
Is this an ok plan? I don't want to put MIL out of her way but I want to be able to enjoy the food.

NeverQuiteSure Tue 17-Dec-13 10:27:31

We have a close friend with food phobias. She arrives with her own food, asks what we're cooking for each meal and with either (a) join us (rare!), (b) eat some bits and pad out with her own food (which she prepares herself) or (c) cooks herself a different meal but sits and eats it with us. She always helps out and 'joins in' although I do try to prewarn anyone else who might be dining with us to avoid relentless questioning and her feeling self conscious.

In your case, I would ask your DH to prewarn your MIL then just 'muck in' and help with the cooking and food prep as usual, adding in any extras you need as you go.

mathanxiety Tue 17-Dec-13 04:53:41

I really am lovely.

But don't get in my way in the kitchen on Christmas Day.

SparkleSoiree Tue 17-Dec-13 01:01:50

I always ask about dietry requirements before people come to stay so that I can provide food that they will be able to eat. If a guest came and didn't tell me before hand I would feel terrible as a hostess that I hadnt been able to provide something for them to eat when everyone else was catered for.

If you get on with your MIL wouldn't she already know you don't eat meat? If not I would have a wee chat with her. smile

MerylStrop Tue 17-Dec-13 00:56:45

Are you actually vegetarian? Or just to all intents and purposes

Have they met you before and do they know about your dietary quirks?

Breakfast is fine, you can just have toast.

Maybe offer to take your own main course and just don't have any carrots. Not a usual xmas dinner offering really anyhow. Herbs and spices, you might just have to put up or shut up but a traditional Xmas dinner isn't overloaded with them.

Lucylouby Mon 16-Dec-13 23:33:28

Are you a vegetarian or just don't eat meat? I think that is important to know. If you are a true vegetarian, she needs to know that in case she was planning to cook things in meat fat, gravy potatoes etc, but if you just don't eat meat because of the texture I wouldn't mention it and just dish up what you want on your plate. I have a fussy small child but never comment before we go, I just dish up a very small portion of whatever it is and they pled themselves about eating it or not.

EustaciaVye Mon 16-Dec-13 22:25:36

I would rather you told me so I could do an alternative main and an extra type of veg for you.
She will want you to enjoy your first Christmas in her home.

Talk to her (assuming she isnt a dragon) grin

5HundredUsernamesLater Mon 16-Dec-13 22:07:28

I would hate it if one of my guests felt they had to eat something they didn't like just to be polite. Just tell her what you said in your post ( or get your partner to) and then its up to her wether she feels the need to go to any trouble and buy extras in especially.

TheBuskersDog Mon 16-Dec-13 21:05:53

The only thing you need to say in advance is you don't eat meat, that is hardly unusual these days.

MerryMarigold Mon 16-Dec-13 18:36:55

It depends on the hostess, really. If you came to my house and it transpired you didn't like meat, I would have wished you'd told me before so I could get something in for you.

pinkyredrose Mon 16-Dec-13 14:18:04

* have to say if you were a guest at my house I would be counting the seconds until you were gone. Then I would talk about you afterwards while making faces like this ----> hmm *

You sound lovely hmm

hallowisitmeyourelookingfor Sun 15-Dec-13 20:42:45

You're making a fuss over nothing - just eat what you want. You can make yourself toast instead of bacon rolls, ignore the meat on your plate and don't eat the carrots.

mathanxiety Sun 15-Dec-13 20:39:19

I cook for a crowd at Christmas, and I have to say if you were a guest at my house I would be counting the seconds until you were gone. Then I would talk about you afterwards while making faces like this ----> hmm
When you're a guest the name of the game is contributing to the jolliness of the day, not your own worries about food texture, etc.

Don't get in the way in the kitchen making yourself a sandwich in the morning or some alternative for dinner. Eat something before you go or just take the bacon out of the sandwich and eat the bread and drink a cup of tea. If you think you will faint from hunger because of avoiding almost everything the MIL cooks, bring something for yourself but don't expect anyone to move stuff around in the fridge or make room in the oven for it.

I like the idea of bring croissants and fancy jam as your contribution to the festive breakfast.

For dinner, if you don't bring something, just take a small portion, or eat what you want and leave the rest, and do not draw attention to yourself or make the hostess feel she has to cater to your fussiness. She will be busy enough cooking mounds of food and hoping everyone is having a good time. Say you never eat much and just be a friendly and cheerful guest. Offer to help with clearing up.

If you tell her in advance you are vegetarian or don't eat meat she will probably make something veggie for you on the basis that she won't want you going hungry on Christmas Day, so I would not advertise the fact that you don't eat meat. It's only one day to just accept what is there and not to cause extra work for someone else.

AntoinetteCosway Sun 15-Dec-13 19:38:00

Tell them you're veggie. Or just be veggie!

Everything else I would just grin and bear. I think it's terribly rude not to eat what's prepared for you in someone else's house, vegetarianism/allergies aside.

iklboo Sun 15-Dec-13 19:31:28

Wouldn't be a problem for me - you wouldn't have to make your own toast. If I'm making bacon butties it'd be no hardship to stick a couple of slices of bread in the toaster for you. I'd just ask you how you like it. Sane with no turkey / carrots. As long as you were happy & full at the end of the meal.

kitsmummy Sun 15-Dec-13 19:30:13

Just tell them you're veggie?! You really should let them know in advance, everything else is manageable. You could always offer to bring a veggie dish that just needs to go it the oven

MrsEricBana Sun 15-Dec-13 19:29:47

Tricky one this. My SIL has interesting food preferences and I always do Xmas and as the one bearing the cost and effort I would rather she just ate the bits she can and didn't take the rest. Are you actually vegetarian? If you are I'd be happy to provide veggie alternative to the turkey.Presumably MIL knows if you are veggie.

missmapp Sun 15-Dec-13 19:28:36

Your plan is fine, but this kind of fussiness does annoy me. As a guest, I have been served many things I don't like, I eat them politely , don't take a portion or only take a small amount. As it is only one day, you will be fine.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine Sun 15-Dec-13 19:28:05

Does MIL know that you don't eat meat? If so she may be planning to cook you a vegetarian option, so if you're likely to be too fussy to eat it then you should talk to her in advance. If she chooses and cooks something especially for you and then you don't eat it she could be hurt.

MerryMarigold Sun 15-Dec-13 19:27:35

Why aren't you just a vegetarian? Then you have perfect reason for not eating messy and they will probably get you something else. I'd ask of it's for me to bring a veggie dish which everyone can share (cauliflower cheese? Nut roast?)

olibeansmummy Sun 15-Dec-13 19:26:40

I think you're plan is fine but you really need to let your pils know so there's no surprises/ upset on the day, at least they'll know what to expect.

Floggingmolly Sun 15-Dec-13 19:23:58

Yes, what everyone else said - just tell her you don't eat meat.
Nothing else is a problem; don't help yourself to carrots if you'd rather not.
I'd be a bit bemused to be informed in advance of someone's dislike of carrots, leave them on the plate confused

BabyMummy29 Sun 15-Dec-13 19:21:11

I think your plan is acceptable as you're not expecting her to provide any alternatives to cause her extra expense or inconvenience.

Everybody can't be expected to like everything

yomellamoHelly Sun 15-Dec-13 19:18:42

My PIL wouldn't notice. So would choose the keeping schtum route. (Have told them many times I dislike turkey and can't stand brussel sprouts. Have same conversation every other year when they offer to pass me said items at the Christmas table. There's always plenty of other stuff for me to fill up on.)

lilyaldrin Sun 15-Dec-13 19:12:15

Make sure you let her know you don't eat meat. Maybe offer to bring an alternative to the turkey for you? I wouldn't make a fuss about carrots or herbs though.

Smartiepants79 Sun 15-Dec-13 19:10:29

Have you never eaten at her house before? How long have you been married?

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