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Do you spend the same amount on all dcs?

(71 Posts)
Clandy Wed 30-Oct-13 15:30:33

I want to spend the same amount on both dd's but im finding it really hard to do without buying things for he sake if it. But then I feel guilty for not spending the same. This is a really 'thing' for me as growing up I was very aware of how things were not equal for us in my family. I know I could just put money in the bank, but I wanted to give both dd's the same amount when they turn 18. Am I over thinking this?

siblingrevelry Wed 30-Oct-13 15:53:42

Depends how old. Mine are 6,5 & 2, so although they'll roughly get the same, they're too young to know the value of things. I don't just buy for the sake of making up the values, but once they're old enough to notice I'll make sure it's (pretty) equal.

JinnyShantihAndFinmory Wed 30-Oct-13 15:56:37

I'll aim for a similar budget but no way am I buying things just to make up the money. I try to go on how valuable it is to them rather than monetary value. I so want to be a fair parent but more in an overall sense rather than in an arbitrary buying way.

farrowandballs Wed 30-Oct-13 15:58:17

Aghhh I have this! I'm afraid I have no advice but I'm watching with interest as I am in the same situation. It's so frustrating!

earlesswonder Wed 30-Oct-13 16:00:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Wed 30-Oct-13 16:02:43

I don't consciously make sure I spend the same but I have a large ( 6 year) gap between my two. For example my son was 7 last Christmas and wanted a tablet. My youngest was 9 months and wanted something to chew on. My thinking is it will all balance out over time. My oldest is moving into small but expensive present territory whereas my youngest is in the less expensive but huge zone.

They will be treated equally but I am not spending £150 on plastic rubbish just to bulk out the spend on my youngest when £50 gives him a huge pile of stuff he'll love. When DS1 was that age we didn't spend a lot on him.

Mckayz Wed 30-Oct-13 16:04:48

We try too. But we would rather they had the same amount. They tend to get 1 big present and then smaller things like DVDs, games, books.

Floralnomad Wed 30-Oct-13 16:06:24

I have a 6 yr gap and mine are now 20 and 14 ,I've never matched money at Christmas . I do try to match the number of presents although not exactly . I have always figured that the costs will even out over the years . That said I generally spend a lot on both of them .

ShouldBeaWorking Wed 30-Oct-13 16:26:56

I try to, though it is pointless because mine are still to young to understand the cost of different things so it doesn't matter yet anyway.

As they get older I will try to balance out Christmas and birthday, so if one gets a big birthday present, I will make sure it is balanced out at Christmas for the other. Whilst I don't think it always need to be the same I think I'll try to be careful that it doesn't always seem to fall in the same ones favour IYSWIM?

MirandaWest Wed 30-Oct-13 16:28:54

I don't think about it. My DC are 9 and 8 and they get things that are right for them. I wouldn't get one of them loads and one of them hardly anything but I don't sit there balancing the books.

OVOntToSuckYourBlood Wed 30-Oct-13 16:30:07

No, I just make sure the piles are a similar size. They have no idea what stuff costs but will notice if 1 pile is bigger than the other. They're 5 and 8 so this is important. wink

wonderingsoul Wed 30-Oct-13 16:32:38

mine roughly get the same.. but its easier as theres only 3 years between them.

depending on ages 7 plus child should be able to understand that if they want something expensive then they dont get loads.

if they are younger. could you bulk the younger ones out with stuff that they need like clothes?

LynetteScavo Wed 30-Oct-13 16:34:02

I spend a lot less on DS1...I ofer to buy him things, and he says "but I don't need any shoes" or "I already have a pair of jeans". He really doesn't care about material things.

DD is constantly asking for little things, and I do give in sometimes. She would always say yes if I offered to buy her something.

DS1 didn't want a party or an outing on his birthda, and the other DC had parties, so 9 months after his birthday DH bought him an "experience day" to even things out a little. But mostly I don't keep score as to who has what.

LynetteScavo Wed 30-Oct-13 16:35:45

I always make Christmas presents an equal amount, if not value, after the year DS2 was a baby, and I didn't give him much compared to DS1(who was nearly 5).

"You haven't been very good this year, DS2, have you?" DS1 observed.

sonlypuppyfat Wed 30-Oct-13 16:36:31

I have 3 DCs 14 12 8 my 12 DD Is so easy to buy for I could spend a fortune on her. Her older brother is only interested in X Box games though.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Wed 30-Oct-13 16:39:20

No, but they all have the same amount of parcels. My youngest is 3 so she is easier to buy for, my oldest is 12 so his things tend to be more expensive. It will even out as they all get older though.

Littleredsquirrel Wed 30-Oct-13 16:39:59

roughly the same but on the basis of value rather than cost. Mine are quite close in age and if for example I bought the large lego set DS1 wanted and then the large lego set DS2 wanted was half price I wouldn't then spend extra on DS2 IYSWIM.

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 30-Oct-13 17:05:01

Only have one but my siblings have more. They always treat their children equally, unfair to do otherwise. Children remember as they get older if they are treated differently.

CharlotteBronteSaurus Wed 30-Oct-13 17:10:40

6yo needs a new bike - she has had a growth spurt and looks like one of those circus clown riding a teeny weeny bike for comic effect

3yo's birthday was yesterday, and so she is pretty well-stocked for clothes and toys. I'm not spending £200 quid on her just to "make things fair"

there will be years when it's the other way round, I'm sure.

ELR Wed 30-Oct-13 17:25:24

We just generally buy them what they ask for within reason. A few years ago ds wanted the lego Death Star it was around £270 dd wanted an iPod touch around £150 so we got them. I didn't spend an extra £120 on dd just because I had spent that on ds. Both were pleased as both got what they wanted.
This year dd wants an ipad mini the new one is £319 ds wants an xbox or 2ds both are less than £200. It's swings and roundabouts!

2anddone Wed 30-Oct-13 17:40:38

I grew up with my mother making a huge deal over the fact we had both been given the same amount of money spent on us (right down to one year her wrapping a tube of sweets with 28p stuck to it hmm) she also made sure we had the same number of gifts under the tree and in the stocking (I mean from everyone she would count gifts on Christmas eve and split multi packs of socks and knickers to 'make up' the numbers) as a child growing up I found this exhausting to be told after every gift that was opened that you and your sister have had exactly the same!! My dc are 5 and 8 I do the same number of gifts in their small stocking and under the tree they get one from Santa, one from me, one from dog and one from each other. They also get a table gift. I don't count how many gifts are under tree from others and i don't count money i get them what they ask for within reason. This year i would say there is probably a £75ish difference.

Maryann1975 Wed 30-Oct-13 17:41:21

I have 3dc, age 7,5 and 3. I don't count up how much I have spent on them all, if one asked for something more expensive and we can afford it, I would get that and not feel guilty that I had brought another dc something cheaper that they had asked for. If the cheaper present makes them happy, that is what is important and having more tat doesn't make them happy. Over their whole childhood it will balance out I'm sure.

fuzzpig Wed 30-Oct-13 17:51:28

No I'm not bothered at all right now (4 and 6) they don't know what things cost anyway. There is no need to draw attention to it (2anddone that does indeed sound exhausting!) - to me that'd just make it more about the money, when I want the point of the presents to be the thought that went into it.

soontobeslendergirl Wed 30-Oct-13 18:11:10

only 13 months between my two so we spend roughly the same.....although this year No2 son is getting a laptop and No1 son an x-box which was far cheaper - I've bulked his up with things like an extra controller and headphones etc but I like them to have roughly the same amount of gifts so No2 son will maybe get a mouse mat which is far cheaper than the headphones iyswim?

or things like they will got get books, but I don't differentiate between getting an annual in a sale for £3 or getting one not in the sale for the other that was say £6. They both get an annual end of.

Pagwatch Wed 30-Oct-13 18:14:38

God no.
They shouldn't be working out the monetary value of their gifts - nor adding up how many parcels they get.
They would get nothing next time if they started that sort of crap.

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