What do you DO on Christmas Day?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

I've never had nice Christmas Days due to family awfulness, but this year I want to schedule in some nice moments to break up a bloody awful day.

It will be my parents, me and my little boy.

For the last 3 Christmases it's been everyone sit in silence and watch boy open presents and tut at how many I've given him. Then boy cries then everyone sits in silence staring at each other making tense polite conversation and I go cry in the loo, miss my sister and husband and wish I'd never been born.

I cannot do this again!!!

Am thinking small traditions and stuff we have to DO rather than sit staring...

Let me learn from your Christmas days please!

[whodunnit]

Hello

You could open the presents one at a time throught he whoel daya nd sit and play with him very noisily after each one. Maybe a book to read with him, then a small craft set. Maybe something outdoorsy so you can break up th glumness nd og outside to play with it together. Maybe try to find something that you knwo your parents will do with him to drag them into the fun of it.

Maybe insist on going for a walk with him to burn off some energy (and give you some). Maybe you can walk to someone else's house nearby who coudl do with a little bit of visit and cheer cos they re on their own. Insist it is your DS' idea ( that you have weaned him onto).

Ask DS what his very favourite activities are and then make sure that you do three of them on Christmas day.

Build little habits that you can keep up and do on Christmas day.

Leaving the house is always good, in my opinion. Can you visit his fiend and take a present to deliver on xmas day - good excuse to crash someone's xmas for 20 mins. Canyou give out any presents you or he will give in person on xmas day rather than by post or before xmas?

good luck:)

[drawsofdrawers]

Go for a lovely walk if you are lucky enough to have a nice big country park nearby

Watch Elf! Your boy might like Santa Claus with Dudley Moore

Play board games and cards

Drink drink drink!

All help out cooking

Christmas Strictly

Christmas music on in the morning and during dinner

Bit of Christmas crafting

Drink some more!

[drawsofdrawers]

Ooh proper stockings of course for everyone.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Might be able to do a walk... Slight other issue is that I'm disabled and my parents find it embarrassing/ distasteful so it's really awkward about that too (argh the doom of Christmas - yet stupidly I loooove the Christmas season!)

Right... Potential small walk.

Christmas crafting... What is ok to do on Christmas day itself? I do love a good craft! I think that's why I like the lead up... Ginger bread houses, making decorations, paper chains... But i do it all to prepare for Christmas day then the only thing left is consumption...

(am also tempted to go out on Christmas eve and trek over to my friends house for her Polish dinner... Therefore spending Xmas day laid up in bed! Not the making Christmas day better but making self oblivious to the day. Not fair on ds 3 though)

[exexpat]

Do you have to go to your parents? Sounds miserable. Do you know of any other friends who might like to break away and do a more fun Christmas together?

I know that might not be feasible this year if you have already been talking plans with your parents, but maybe start some advanced planning for next year... I had 12 years of non-family Christmases (lived abroad) and often invited friends round - much more fun.

Otherwise, I agree with the suggestions of a long, bracing walk or even trip to the park - maybe make sure that one of DS's presents is something that has to be used outside, even something as simple as a new football. Alcohol. Television. New games to play with DS. New DVDs to watch with him (Christmassy ones he hasn't seen before would be good). More alcohol...

[whodunnit]

you can buy some fab craft kits for kids - about £5 - £7 and you get to make a modelling clay thing and paint it, or a mosaic, or some science type experiment if you DS is a bit older. And then you get ot bin all the boxes etc and just keep the treasure he has made. There are loads to choose from.

Shame about yr parents and the walking. You could always leave them at home if they haven't git the guts to go with you. Fuck 'em! Possibly insensitive of me, but it is your christmas too. If you are disabled so that you need the help of another person, can you go to a centre or somewhere where you wouuld normally get that help and spend part of the day there?

Could you invite your polish friend to visit you for an hour on christmas day?

[TheWoollybacksWife]

Oh love - do you have to put yourself through this? If it is your parents putting you through this stress the is there any chance it could just be you and your DS?

We have a play of any board games or have a go on the Wii if there are new games from Santa. This year DS is getting a new scooter so there will be a walk after lunch.

Dinner is eaten in the late afternoon with just fairy lights on. Dr Who is a must along with eating all the Christmas chocolates

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Right...

Morning...
Go see carrots eaten by ruldolf outside (he leaves glitter and trod on carrots - messy bugger!)
Find choc coins in shoes (parents tradition)
Discover stockings from father Christmas ... For everyone (good idea!)
No staring as everyone digs into stockings...

Leave ds big presents aside for later, as he has the 3 yr presents in boxes thing... Huge packaging for toys!

What shall I do about a stocking for me? Would it be terribly rude to tell them I'm doing stockings for all? Would it be rude to fill it myself as I know my patents won't buy me more than 1-2 presents... Or maybe tell friends about stocking and hope they help? Arggghhh! Don't care about presents but would be sad for me to sit there staring as the others open there's...

[soundevenfruity]

Do you think a sneaky splash of alcohol early in the day would help? What about starting with mulled wine and mince pies not breakfast?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Thanks for your lovely replies btw :) really kind and also festive!

I put myself through it because I feel I have to... We lost my sister a few years ago so bang went Christmases without my parents. Then I got ill, ds came along, dh made his exit and so am stuck in the 'Christmas is for ds and his grandparents', and I really struggle, physically and emotionally. None of my usual carers want to work on Xmas day or boxing day, so it's also so that I get some help, (though at too high a price).

I'd have to get in an agency carer and then it would be so stressful and need so much managing that wouldn't be worth it - also agency carers will not look after ds as they not insured to...

One thing I am NOT going to do is go up to their house. Was so so awful last year I swore I am never ever ever doing it again!!!

At least am on my home territory, and can prepare in advance where I can have stuff ready... And go into battle a bit braver and trying to make some changes to make things better. My parents can't possibly be happy like this easier, but I think they don't know how to make it better, filled with grief and self blame and horror from the last few years losing my sister and me having the same thing, my dh leaving hurt them too etc...

Right that was the last moan, now to make things a bit better

[drawsofdrawers]

Please don't spend Xmas day with your parents if it makes you miserable. I misunderstood your OP and thought that this year with your parents would be better. Have a nice day with your boy and maybe see friends or other family.

I started enjoying Xmas when I stopped spending it with people I didn't like.

Put a few bits in your stocking just for the benefit of your DS. Satsuma, nuts, pound shop tat

[drawsofdrawers]

X post OP

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Alcohol defo will help me! Am wondering at what point to appy it :)

It makes me sleepy so just before bowing out for a few hours! Sooo, what bit of the day can I miss by a looong nap?

[raisah]

My inlaws are trying so I manage them by inviting friends to break up the formality of festive meals. The busyness & laughter of kids glosses over the fact that my sils are giving me the silent treatment. Do you have extended family / friends that you can have over at various times during the day?
Could your polish friend come over for mulled wine, mince pies & presents for an hour?

Alcohol loosens the tongue & may make your situation worse so be wary of drinking to make it bearable.

I agree with others to build activities into the day to break up the monotony of your parents reactions. Wrapping presents in tissue paper with glitter for your ds to make present opening fun. Treasure hunt in the garden? I do think you need more people to turn away the unhealthy tension way from you & your traditions to the fun of the day.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Oooh treasure hunt... Rudolf maybe dropped something outside?

I don't really have close enough friends to see on Christmas day... I think polish girl (& Brazilian partner) won't come as they've been developing quite set traditions of their own... And she's met my parents and found them really awkward and hard going! I think I'll press gang her into boxing day if poss... Must remember to ask her ASAP!!!

I will hold a few pressies back ... Maybe for after my parents have left so me and ds can have a just for us little moment.

I'm wondering if I can possibly be up for a theatre trip so do pantamime outing...Ds would love it. Would really screw with my health but would involve not staring at each other for a while. How close to Christmas day do they go? I'd have to pay for the tickets so would be a Big Thing... Maybe not worth it.

[fuzzpig]

Oh double. I recognise your name from an old thread about your health I think, I just can't believe how nasty your parents are being I do understand that you feel tied into seeing them though. I am the same with my parents who are likely to just sit staring into space/play on phone etc.

I am working on them in advance though. I have told them we WILL be going for a walk at some point in the day (not a long one, I am also disabled). I would tell your parents that you will be going with DS no matter what (even if round the block is all you can manage?) and they can come with you, but even if they don't go you will still go - so they know you will not be ruled by them. Or is there somewhere where you can all drive to, and you can sit on a bench?

I am also making sure that there are some jigsaws in the presents as I know dad will help DS with those if I ask him. Might have some crafty things that my mum will like.

Definitely do yourself a stocking! I am getting some of the stuff for mine this year, just nice treaty things like sweets from the American sweet shop, some more nice hairbands, smellies etc. You could add makeup, earrings, whatever - just nice things you might have got yourself anyway.

[fuzzpig]

Oh and funky socks/knickers are a must :o

[attheendoftheday]

I would set a budget and do yourself a stocking, then swear blind to anyone that asks that Father Christmas had done it. I'm filling my own cracker here because no other bugger will do it!

Make sure you have something lovely!

[Chottie]

I remember reading on a Christmas thread last year, that one poster spent part of Christmas Day afternoon making special crowns to wear at tea time. Would your DS like doing that perhaps?

I'm not sure whether your Ps will join in, but crackers with a game in are fun, we had racing penguins one year which were hilarious.

We have a special Santa hat which the youngest or smallest person in the family wears to hand out the under the tree presents.

[soundevenfruity]

I am mostly talking about alcohol for parents so they will loosen up and/or go to sleep.

[Whereisegg]

Could you load up your bedroom with a few presents for your ds, bottle of wine for you, snacks and some DVDs?
Then when your parents have gone, you can 'find' the last presents, and snuggle in bed playing/watching Christmas rubbish?

That would be something to look forward to, and easy on you, too.

[soundevenfruity]

It's been such horrible tine for you all. Don't penalise your parents for an inappropriate in your view display of grief. I would definitely ask around if anybody is lonely at Christmas and invite them over. Just get them to bring a dish. Hope it will get better for all of you.

[MegBusset]

I would say don't invite your parents if that's where the stress is!

I love my parents to bits but Christmas Day has always been just me, DH and the DC and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible :) We laze around, watch TV, help the kids build their Lego and stuff ourselves silly, tis great :)

[MegBusset]

Ah, just read whole thread. So sorry about your situation. Would it be easier to not 'do Christmas' for the whole day, maybe just go out for lunch with your parents if more manageable in small doses? then you and DS chill out for the rest of the day?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

I wish! They live 250 miles away so it's all or nothing which is a damned shame! They'll be here from the 23rd -27th. Hell. On. Earth. Trying to book them into nearby hotel as it will get nasty very quickly in my one bed flat...

Right some brill ideas...

Christmas hat/ crown making.
Under the bed store of loveliness for after hours fun with ds.

Jigsaw good idea, my mother will refuse to play any board game (don't know why, always has done) ... But helping with a jigsaw I think she d do.

In under bed store will be something alcoholic for me to toast self for surviving day!

Just trying to think what they can do whilst I have a rest... They tend to sit in silence listening intently for any sign of stirring from me ... Which tbh freaks me out and makes me feel v trapped and guilted into not resting.