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Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

(643 Posts)
FellatioNelson Tue 24-Sep-13 06:17:15

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

ethelb Sun 06-Oct-13 11:19:48

Made some fabulous apple and chilli jelly from foraged apples yesterday, and some wonderful pear and apple chutney (which also has quite a kick) from some scrumped pears.

Must go and pick green tomatoes today before the frost gets them, to make some green tomato ketchup. Green tomato salsa already in the freezer.

Oh, and must convince DP that he needs to do the sloe gin TODAY or it won't be ready for Christmas.

Unfortunatly I also have work....

WantAnOrange Sun 06-Oct-13 12:09:44

Hello ladies, can I ask some advice? I made blackcurrant vodka (it's lush!) which has just been bottled up but I was wondering if there is anything I can do with the infused berries? They are rather strong but it seems a shame to waste them!

Today I have cleared a shelf just for home-made jams, chutneys, jellies and liqueurs. Does that make me poncy enough to join?

TheYamiOfYawn Sun 06-Oct-13 12:44:27

Eat the berries with ice cream, or put them in grown-up jelly.

MadeOfStarDust Sun 06-Oct-13 13:25:13

made lemon skittles vodka - it is NOT going to last til Christmas..... blush - let alone have any left for presents for OTHER people..... blush

Titsalinabumsquash Sun 06-Oct-13 16:49:51

I've been on a curd mission today, Lime curd and Blueberry and Raspberry curd are done. smile

rootypig Sun 06-Oct-13 18:19:51

Valdeeves this might not be suitable for the youngest one, but home made hot chocolate jars are sweet for children.

Take a small kilner jar or similar. Make two marshmallow snowmen - use two sizes of white marshmallow (cut one down if need be), use some form of edible decoration to make them look like snowmen with faces and buttons (mini choc chips, silver balls, angelica, whatever. Bits of chocolate coated pretzel for arms. Stick them together with sugar icing made of icing sugar and water). Stand the snowmen facing outward in the jar.

Then make hot chocolate powder - buy some nice quality cocoa, and mix with sugar as needed. Mix in teeny marshmallows to look like snow. Or chunks of white chocolate. Adding chunks of nice dark chocolate can make it a bit more luxurious too. Add any flavouring you fancy (this maybe more relevant for grown ups! orange zest or oil, peppermint oil, nutmeg or cinnamon, booze). Fill the jar with the hot choc powder so it surrounds the snowmen and keeps them in place, iyswim. Finish with a wee woolly scarf tied around if you can be bothered.

You could add other things for excitement - some other toppings like smarties (put these in little bags to keep separate from the powder), edible glitter grin, those balls of chocolate on a stick for stirring for real gluttons like me

A nice christmas eve tradition I think, hot choc and a christmas film smile

ethelb Sun 06-Oct-13 18:44:54

Green tomato ketchup is foul... that one will lurk on the shelf until the zombie apocalypse

Zeeky Sun 06-Oct-13 19:32:45

Ethelb what recipe did you use for your apple & chilli jelly?

Trumpton Sun 06-Oct-13 19:49:08

I ordered my paperwhite narcissi this week. I grow them on pebbles in hurricane vases. Start them off November 5th in a dark place until shoots are 4inches high then tip most of the water away ( carefully ) and replace with gin and water in a ratio of 1/7.

Results in sturdy stems and lush flowers that last well into the New Year.

See HERE for the science behind it.

Poncetastic enough ?

rootypig Sun 06-Oct-13 19:53:12

Sounds like a waste of gin to me Trumpton grin

But! beautiful and wonderfully poncetastic.

Trumpton Sun 06-Oct-13 20:04:38

Cheap gin will do. And if I get desperate enough I can drink it ! Yeuch wine

motherofluvlies Sun 06-Oct-13 22:48:06

I planted them in white bowls and white fish tank pebbles for Xmas day table settings last year smile

Titsalinabumsquash Mon 07-Oct-13 12:27:55

Now I know I've been on about the chilli jam a lot, but I've just layered red and then green in a jar and it looks really lovely as a gift. The recipe makes 3 400ml jars plus half a jar so it would be easy to make 7 layered jars. smile

Zeeky Mon 07-Oct-13 12:38:06

How on earth do you layer the colours of jam in a jar. Do you have to let the first layer set before adding the second layer?

Titsalinabumsquash Mon 07-Oct-13 13:13:05

Yes I did red, let it set in the jar, then green. smile

ethelb Mon 07-Oct-13 15:49:50


WaitingForMe Mon 07-Oct-13 16:51:03

Owl - My house is a palette of grey, duck egg, mushroom and cream with the exception of the red dining room. I'm considering redecorating the dining room as it's actually the hardest room to make Christmassy. I find that greenery really pops against the neutral background.

Trumpton - I'm going to order narcissi and do that. It sounds beautiful!

I have been doing some serious ponce planning. At the weekend I power washed the paving in the front garden then DH swept in new grout. My mum gave us two huge terracotta tubs which have been situated on either side of the bay and I've bought obelisks to go in them. I'm planting bulbs for spring between evergreens and an ivy to go up the obelisk. Come December I'll be adding lights and baubles. Hopefully they won't be too Christmassy the rest of the year but will look like little Christmas trees when needed.

Valdeeves Mon 07-Oct-13 18:15:47

I bought an Xmas crafts magazine today, low cash flow so a bit of a treat. They have this idea about making snow gloves out of jam jars?

Trumpton Mon 07-Oct-13 19:06:54

Oh I bought that one . Not sure you mean snow gloves tho' ! :-)

Valdeeves Mon 07-Oct-13 21:59:43

Ha ha - globes!!! Do you think there is a plastic alternative - glass wouldn't be good the little ones.

ethelb Mon 07-Oct-13 23:47:58

Valdeeves tesco value peanut butter is in plastic jam jars and would fo the trick

bymoonlight Tue 08-Oct-13 10:16:27

Snow globes made of out plastic is genuis! My 3yo and 6yo would love it. Can you post how to do it Valdeeves?

OwlBeThereForYou Tue 08-Oct-13 10:36:23

We still can't decide on paint colours, going to get more swatches today.

Have started making mini stockings. The crazy plan is to make 24 to hang as an advent calendar and more to give as gifts, with a chocolate or something inside, along with their other presents. These stockings are knitted. I've lost it confused

Did pick up a lovely Christmas tea towel yesterday, and also a VERY un poncetastic Christmas jumper! Please don't kick me out! Can't resist some cheesiness and as I'll be 4 1/2 months pregnant at Christmas my cheese board will be limited! That is my verypoor excuse and I'm sticking to it!

pleaselet----me----stay! wink

OwlBeThereForYou Tue 08-Oct-13 10:37:45

Ah sod it, I failed at the line thing hmm Not going to help the pleading!

IsaacCox Tue 08-Oct-13 12:14:39

The first Christmas cake is in the oven! Smelling lovely. 1 down, 2 to go hmm

The gift tags came yesterday, so I have stamped them all with this stamp. Still need to do the other side with this and this

I may also have spent some time on Paint designing how I'm going to wrap the gifts blush

Do you have a recipe for the green and red chilli jam, please Titsalina? It sounds immense. How long do you have to set one layer before you put the next lot in? Will it stay separated until Christmas do you think, or will it mix?

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