MIL is being a pain- need assurance... AIBU?!!

[Kirstoll]

Ok, DH is only child, and is adored by his mum. This I don't have a problem with! (imagine gavin in Gavin and Stacey and u get my drift) however we have had extensive conversations about how I don't want DD to hav lots of presents bought before Christmas because I think it will take away the magic on Christmas day. Plus I tell them what i'm getting for Xmas (replacement pushchair for the one we've broken from DD sitting Jo it and wheeling herself around!)

Today (and I'm sure you can guess) MIL turns up with 8 bags of gifts!!!! 8!!! I mean what on earth- DD is 2.1! Anyway aside from that, she tells me that she has got a pushchair for her (am seething at this point) a peppa pig trike, "to replace that old one in the garden" ( a smart trike that I bought for £70 on her 1st birthday and she loves) a DOLLS HOUSE and furniture ( we live in a VErY small 2bed house) and I am just up to my limit....... Oh as we'll as this she brought down a bag full of toys/ books that she has around the house. I am positive she does this just to say "look what I can buy/afford more than you" and I feel annoyed and sad that she is trying to 'buy' my daughters affections.

I don't know how to handle it... It is ok now that DD is small but soon she will think getting presets all the time is normal and will become a spoiled brat! (somewhat like my DH who had no Christmas magic, and is a bit scroogelike "it is just presents etc etc) . I am
Rather the opposite being a Christmas baby (18th) and one of 3... So Christmas was fantastical for us and I looked forward to it each year. How can I get this for DD?!?

Sorry for rant.... But I know mumsnetters are great for therapy

[Kirstoll]

But it's making my parents feel bad because they just can't afford (rightly so) to spend hundreds of pounds on a child that actually most likes bouncing on the sofa!

[Chottie]

What's you DH's take on this?

I agree it is over the top! I would be inclined to sling about 7 of those bags up in the loft..... Your house must be like a toy shop .

Seriously, could you suggest that your D 'keeps' some of the toys at her grandparents, so you don't have to take toys over there? Once she's tripped over the Peppa Pig trike several times, she might think twice about the amount of presents. Do you think she would be open to buying less presents and starting a savings account for your DD?

[Cinders22]

I would give her everything back and say you do not want to cause offence but as mentioned previously you do want Christmas to be special for DD and that she is not to receive any more presents until Christmas Day. Re the pushchair and the trike I would tell her that DD already has a trike/pushchair which you bought her and could she either return them and get something else (maybe you could suggest something here ? a scooter) or give you the receipt and you will return them and choose something else. I think as long as you keep accepting the gifts she will keep bringing them.

I do sympathise, my parents were the same until I said we had no more room for the gifts and they would have to start keeping them at their house, and insisted they took the toys they had brought that day back home with them. That was the only way it got through to them and now they ask first.

[snice]

my MIL used to do this-she would deliver full suitcases of gifts for each child plus random charity shop finds in carrier bags, most of which were 'out of season'.

Loads of people will pile in and tell you not to be so ungrateful blah blah but I know how annoying it can be. Rest assured that by the time the children are a little older the gifts will dry up and, like my MIL, she will send money in an envelope foryou to buy them something and wrap from her. This is lovely and much appreciated (except the year mine turned up at midday on 24th with the money and expected me to go shopping)

[Kirstoll]

Tried suggeting the savings but "she would like christmas bow, not in 10 years time" said in most haughty voice! ended up taking two bin bags of rubbish toys to charity shop last week, trying to make space. I know it sounds ungrateful when I am sure there are lots of people who would love for generous GP's but it's the long term affect on DD I'm most worried about. And yes chottie, our house looks ashamedly like a toy shop. not practical to leave presents at hers - she lives in a pristine mansion 2.5 hours away. I don't want to make DD spoiled!!! Am I going to have to resort to hiding the presents!? Tried this for her birthday- bit they want pics with her playing with all toys / wearing all super-impractical clothes.

[ScienceRocks]

You have my sympathies, my MIL does this too. This weekend, I have firmly told her that anything else she buys needs to become a Christmas present, no matter how little money it costs.

I've not come across her getting fed up of it and the present buying decreasing as the kids get older - DD1 is six and it seems to be getting worse, not better, now there is DD2 as well.

Sending the presents to her house doesn't work, as she brings them back the next time the DDs go to her house, saying "they simply insisted on bringing these home"!

I have the added complication of MIL being very into crafts. In the last month, this has involved her bringing over a pair of curtains for DD1's bedroom that she trimmed and made too short, and 30 hair bands she has made.

I lover her dearly, and she adores the DDs (they are her inky grandchildren) but very often I want to scream "stop filling my house with tat"!

So no advice op but you are certainly not alone

[fuzzpig]

EIGHT BAGS?!

I quite agree that too much stuff in the lead up to Xmas (barring winter birthdays obv) isn't a good idea. My DCs do get the odd little thing like a game or puzzle from the charity shop throughout the year but I do reign that in once Xmas is approaching.

And if she is doing it to make a point then that is just not on.

[BerthaTheBogBurglar]

"No thankyou, you know we don't want all these things, I'll just put them back in your car. Hasn't the weather been dreadful recently. How is your garden?" (Be firm, be clear, make it happen, distract - just like you do with a toddler).

Alternatively, smile, say thankyou, grab all the stuff and whisk it away upstairs and hide in a wardrobe, and take it all to the charity shop (still wrapped) later on. And if she asks about any of it, be vague - "oh you buy so much stuff, I lose track ... How is your garden?"

I used to go for the charity shop option- it was very liberating to not even look through the bags. And don't let anyone make you feel guilty about not feeling grateful - your MIL is not doing this for your dd's benefit, is she?

[bondigidum]

You have to be honest with her otherwise it will not stop. For as long as you graciously accept the gifts they will keep on coming.

You (or Dh) have to put your foot down and say you do not have the room for it all and DD already has the stuff anyway- she doesn't need duplicates!

[Cahoootz]

I would also go with the weak smile and get DD to say thank you. Then bag up the toys you don't want and shove them in the loft or take them to the charity shop. If, on future visits, she asks where the toys are, tell her they are broken or that you rotate them and it s their turn to stay in the loft.
It wont make your DD 'spoilt' if her grandmother gives her too many toys.

[Kirstoll]

Thank you all! It seems that keeping shtum seems to be the easiest best option! Glad am not alone, I know a couple of toys from
Granny won't spoil her but she already calls her nana presents I do like the distraction technique! DH does see there's a problem but can't reay be bothered do much about it

[Kirstoll]

I know fuzzpig, they just kept bringing it in! My smile was definitely waning towards the 5th... Might just pop it aaaaall in a stocking and leave for fc to take somewhere else that it is going to be at least looked at/ loved

[BerthaTheBogBurglar]

I knew things had gone too far with my mum when I told my children she was visiting and they said "oh good, presents". I said "she isn't bringing anything today, do you still want her to come?". One looked disbelieving, one said "not really" and one said "I'd like to see her dog".

FWIW, my mum sustained it for 8 years. And she wasn't interested in the children - she didn't ever play with them or talk to them, or make any effort to get to know them. And it wasn't the giving that made her happy, it was the shopping.

[ihearsounds]

Be firm. If she wont take them back and wont give you the receipts then tell her you are donating it all to the local woman's refuge, children hospital and social services. Tell her you don't want to upset her, but your dd simply doesn't need the amount of presents thrust upon her, and if she insists you think that the above places will find more use out of them.

[girlywhirly]

What about leaving some toys at your parents if they are closer and DD is there more often? Or donating some to a womens refuge, they always need toys for the children who arrive with their mums. If you phone the number someone will come to collect the things from your home as the refuge address needs to be kept secret. I bet they'd snatch your hand off for brand new things.

You could keep a few smaller bits hidden for 'poorly, bored' days where a new toy might cheer DD up.

[Loulousmummy]

Sell the toys and put the money in an account for dd.

[Kirstoll]

The woman's refuge is a brilliant idea! Will ring them up actually pre-Christmas an hopefully spread a little fc magic around. I think mostly I feel so guilty about her having so much when I know full well there is people with so little and I want her to have a conscience too! A house full of toys does not a happy child make. Thank you all for making me feel so much better (FYI she came last night so was having a bit of a rage!! (fsmile) all better now. And feel extra charitable !