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Please help me-stuck in alternate visit Christmas limbo

(4 Posts)
Chickpeas2 Tue 13-Nov-12 20:50:11

I know this topic has been done to death and believe me I've combed the other threads for inspiration but am really struggling to get some perspective on the situation, which is....

We (me, DH and 2 DCs) live close enough to both sets of GPs that we can visit without an overnight stay.

Before getting married or living together DH and I would spend Christmas day with our own parents, taking it in turns to then visit each other one at their parents in the evening.

Once married we stupidly fell into spending alternate Christmas days together at parents houses, going to the other parents on Boxing Day.

Then we had DCs and the same pattern was continued.

Last year I made renewed efforts to clearly express that we would be dispensing with the alternate year rule as DH and I wanted the flexibility to decide to be at home or to respond to changing circumstances. For example none of my siblings have children yet and not all have partners so they often are working or partying (where they live a long way away) at Christmas and only visit my parents for Christmas Day. We also want to establish some traditions on our own at home and to have relaxed time with our DCs ourselves. This seems to have been ignored by PIL who have assumed we are going to them for the whole day. As are SIL and her DH who live locally and we see regularly.

I feel stressed out and suffocated and as though I'm being selfish for wanting to be able to have time at home and / or the option to visit my parents and siblings.

DH is cross with me for potentially upsetting PIL and rocking the boat. He says we either go to PIL or stay home and see no-one. Our house tiny so he won't countenance us hosting (not even just for drinks etc) though I would like to do this.

Is there a middle way? How can I make everyone happy and escape this stress every year?!

olibeansmummy Tue 13-Nov-12 21:18:37

Well tbh I think your dh is being fair, it's either his parents turn, or you'll have to stay at home. It's not really fair to say you don't want to go to his parents, but do want to go to yours, even if your siblings are only up for the day. Couldn't you go to his parents for lunch then yours for tea as a compromise? Then the other way round next year?

liveinazoo Tue 13-Nov-12 21:21:55

personally id spend xmas day at home then divide xmas eve and boxing day with other relatives.
this allows you special family time and still the whole involvement of extended family

Chickpeas2 Tue 13-Nov-12 21:44:05

Thank you for your thoughts. I am so bad at keeping it in perspective as I tend to the selfish side, mostly because I love Christmas and DH is a bit of a humbug!

Don't want to upset anyone though so will find a compromise for this year and maybe try the family thing at home next year with lots of advance warning for all parties.

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