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Juggling when to see your divorced parents/stepparents

(15 Posts)
mrsmplus3 Sat 20-Oct-12 07:53:59

What do you do? My parents split up when I was 17 and every year we see my mum and her new husband at some point for a Christmas meal and we do the same with my dad and his partner also on another day. On top of that we have to have a day, or at least a few hours of a day, with the inlaws (which i dont mind at all, they are lovely).
That's 3 important groups of people we HAVE to see around Christmas and that's not even considering what me, my husband and our 3 kids want to do??!!
Anyway, I just thought there must be lots of people who have this little dilemma at christmas time and I was wondering what others do.
Thanks in advance.

mrsmplus3 Sat 20-Oct-12 08:05:09

Last year was ideal: we all went out with my dad on christmas eve, i had my inlaws on Christmas day and then had my mum on boxing day.
I would do that again but it can't happen this year as there's an 80th birthday on the 27th of dec on my in laws side, which is taking over the Christmas period to be honest angry.

PeppermintLatte Sat 20-Oct-12 14:17:19

ugh, it's shit sad

the thing is i have to see my mum, my dad and my inlaws all on christmas day. it'd cause murder if i didn't.

my mum is on her own on christmas day, her partner spends it with his family and my mum doesn't want to join them, also she works over the christmas period so it wouldn't really be possible anyway (her partner's family live in another city) so mum comes to us for dinner, i would never leave her alone. inlaws are coming for a champagne brekky this year, so we'll see them christmas morning. how i'm going to fit my dad in i don't know. him and mum can't be in the same room.

my dad looked devasted when i declined his invite of christmas dinner yesterday. i do wish life was different and my parent's were still together. i'm a grown woman with a family of my own, but i'm envious of my friends whose parents are still together. i often remind my DP how lucky he is that his parents are still married.

girlywhirly Sat 20-Oct-12 15:29:08

This year there is the week-end just before Christmas, could you see your dad and mum separately around then and C eve/day, then dedicate your energies to the ILS and the 80th bday after that? If you can arrange it soon they won't struggle to fit it in with other commitments.

mrsmplus3 Sat 20-Oct-12 19:02:39

Yes girly, I've thought of that arrangement myself and that's definitely a good plan.
Just need to see if the in laws would be happy enough with that.

Peppermint- that last paragraph you wrote could've been me writing that. That's just how I feel too sad. Hopefully we'll get over it one day- my 80th?!

Thanks for replies, was beginning to think it was only me who had this problem at Christmas time.

Valdeeves Sun 21-Oct-12 13:49:47

I totally get all this and I feel your pain - Christmas just seems so frantic

PeppermintLatte Sun 21-Oct-12 17:38:24

mrsmplus3 it's hard isn't it! i'd hate for my kids to feel like this as adults, i really hope me and my DP last the course. you're not alone with this, although there is no perfect solution. just make sure you, your DH and the kids have a lovely time no matter what.

mrsmplus3 Sun 21-Oct-12 21:56:10

Thanks ladies. smile

izzywizzyisbizzy Sun 21-Oct-12 22:45:29

Be grateful they are all in your life - SC hasnt seen her dad for 8 years on Christmas Day and now to keep her mother happy has cut all contact with her father - who is absolutely blameless.

I am really angry at this and the impact on our children who adore their sister and don't understand why she has suddenly disappeared.

mrsmplus3 Mon 22-Oct-12 18:12:45

Oh that's horrible izzy. I'm sorry that's your situation.

Mine isn't like that at all, thankfully. I do appreciate my parents and step parents, very, very much.
Infact, I don't really feel my thread is about that at all. I feel I made it clear it's more about the logistics of juggling so many important people over a few days. It wasn't a complaint but more a "what do you do?" to get ideas off of people.

But I do hope you get to see your SC very soon.

izzywizzyisbizzy Mon 22-Oct-12 20:38:48

We wont see her, but sorry I was depressing on your thread.

DH is welcome to see her (if she ever gets in touch again), but I am not putting my DCs through this again.

mrsmplus3 Mon 22-Oct-12 22:15:12

Izzy- obviously we don't know any details but it sounds like your husband should really get professional advice here. Surely the ex can't just stop the daughter from seeing her dad? If they have a good relationship the mother should do everything she can to keep the contact regular as that is best for the child.

izzywizzyisbizzy Mon 22-Oct-12 22:50:32

We had court orders - they cost dh £12k.

When she hit 14 and they couldn't be enforce anymore the pressure on SD increased as "he can't make you go there now".

SD used to lie and come over rather than face the grief (not that dh approved of the lying but he wasn't the one getting it in the neck). But as she got older it got harder to fit DH in (and see her friends), all compounded by fact mum doesn't like being home alone.

I feel for SD I really do, DH is heart broken - but there is nothing he can do except let her know door is open.

There hasn't been a row - she just stopped coming and returning emails.

izzywizzyisbizzy Mon 22-Oct-12 22:55:13

We had court orders - they cost dh £12k.

When she hit 14 and they couldn't be enforce anymore the pressure on SD increased as "he can't make you go there now".

SD used to lie and come over rather than face the grief (not that dh approved of the lying but he wasn't the one getting it in the neck). But as she got older it got harder to fit DH in (and see her friends), all compounded by fact mum doesn't like being home alone.

I feel for SD I really do, DH is heart broken - but there is nothing he can do except let her know door is open.

There hasn't been a row - she just stopped coming and returning emails.

mrsmplus3 Tue 23-Oct-12 20:56:16

My goodness, that's awful. sad
Hope he sends her a nice Christmas card saying just that- that door is always open. She'll come back to him once she's older and in charge of her life, not her mum smile

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