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Need help please about what to do.

(7 Posts)
agedknees Sun 07-Oct-12 18:23:04

Right, this might be long.

Every other year we have mil for Christmas (she goes to bil the year we don't have her, so she does not spend Christmas alone). She will be 90 next year.

Today, dh says to mil, don't forgot you will be coming to us this year for xmas.

Her reply - I don't think I want to come to you because of my waterworks.
Normally she sleeps in my dd's bed at xmas and dd sleeps on the floor in the lounge (put duvets down, so not too uncomfortable). I think (know) mil is worried she might be incontinent in my dd's bed. She has been having problems for the last year.

Now bil and sil have plans to have xmas with sil's family this year. Fair enough, they had mil last year.

I don't want mil on her own xmas day. That would be awful.

So suggestions, do we stay in a hotel near mil's house (there would be no place for 3 more adults to sleep in mils house) and have xmas day in mil's house.

Stay in a hotel near mils and have xmas lunch in hotel with mil?

dh and myself are both working xmas eve until 6pm, mil lives about 80 miles away from us.

Can see myself stressing already. Any magic wand suggestions?

Kormachameleon Sun 07-Oct-12 18:24:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewNames Sun 07-Oct-12 18:25:59

Plastic sheets? Gently ask her what you could do so she feels comfortable at yours if you'd rather spend Xmas at yours.

If that's not possible, you other suggestions sound good. Can you afford it? If money is a bit tight perhaps MIL can chip in or get the food and sherry or something smile

ValiumQueen Sun 07-Oct-12 18:28:26

Get a waterproof sheet and duvet cover for the bed at yours. At 90 she is unlikely to be able to visit for many more years. Talk to her about it obviously to make sure she is happy with that. Hopefully she has support from the incontinence nurse with actual pads for day if needed. You sound like a great DIL.

agedknees Sun 07-Oct-12 18:32:18

Will gently enquire about what we can do so she feels comfy at ours. She does not really like me or sil I hope she does not think I am interfering, but there is no way I would feel right at her being on her own at xmas.

Money wise, I can do some extra shifts to pay for hotel if she would rather stay in her own home and we need to go to a hotel.

CookieRookie Sun 07-Oct-12 18:34:23

Ah bless her.

There's plenty you can do. Get a good matress protector, put a laundry basket in her room so she doesn't feel any soiled bedding will be paraded in front of other family members, ask her would she like to try incontinence pads or underwear if it would put her mind at ease. Tell her you understand why she's anxious but there's nothing to worry about and she's far more important than something the laundry can take care of.

CookieRookie Sun 07-Oct-12 18:36:00

You sound lovely, a really caring DIL. Hope it all works out.

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