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So what are you doing for Crimbo, Help me sort out mine. Loooong

(19 Posts)
Louboo2245 Mon 24-Sep-12 20:30:58

So last year, my sister and I came to blows over bonfire night (deemed to be a family night by myself and my parents), she had invited friends of hers (who I get on with, but am jealous of the womans relationship with my sister).
Words were exchanged and one of the things my sister said was that, I only attend family events I want to and swan off when I want to.
Now I can see where she is coming from with this, as she has the bigger house she hosts all the family get togethers as we just can't fit in my house. And after Christmas lunch the year before last we had to go to DH family. I helped set up and wash up and provided desert for everyone.
Anyway last Dec I was 8 months pregnant with DD and was VERY ill and can't remember most of december I was on that many pain killers. But before I got ill, the plan was for me DH and DS to spend the morning at home and visit PIL after lunch, as I didn't want to go to my sisters after what she had said to me.
My Dsis invited the same couple round for Christmas as she did for bonfire night and they had an amazing Christmas, still feel slightly jealous.
So I am now worried about this Christmas and what would be the best course of action. As much as my sister and I have made up (we are close) I have yet to receive an invitation and to be quite honest I don't think I'll get one.
The previous 4 years DS and I lived with my sister and have enjoyed family Christmas' together. This year will be the first year (touch wood) that we will have an independent Christmas just me, DH, DS and DD. How can I make myself feel like I won't be missing out?
Please don't tell me to talk to my Dsis about it. I don't think I could manage it.
I think I might just need a slap.

bamboostalks Mon 24-Sep-12 20:33:56

You sond quite dependent on your sister. Perhaps this is a good time to strike out on your own?

Louboo2245 Mon 24-Sep-12 20:39:09

I am dependant on her, tis true and striking out on my own is the way forward. But scared shitless to be quite frank.
Had a really shit Christmas last year, I came of hospital on the 24 and was back in by the 27th and I think this isn't helping at all.
Sister is all amazing Domestic Goddess type, to be fair she works really hard at it and I'm just a lazy so and so. So need ideas and tips to make Christmas one to remember.

Onadietcolabreak Mon 24-Sep-12 21:05:13

Sounds like you want to have your own family Christmas.
If that's the case, don't put to much pressure on your self to be a domestic goddess. A lazy fun Christmas sounds heaven! Your DCs wont notice your cranbury sauce and stuffing isn't hand made!
Buy as much pre prepared food as you can, and relax and enjoy your family time that you didn't get last year.

Louboo2245 Mon 24-Sep-12 21:12:42

Thanks x
Bit worried about what we're going to do, and wondered about other peoples traditions on Christmas day. Never really had to do this before despite being 30!

hophophippidtyhop Mon 24-Sep-12 22:05:22

One traditon of mine is to have shortbread and sausage rolls for breakfast while we open presents. Have a nice xmas enjoying your children and snuggling up after dinner with them to watch a film?

VoldemortsNipple Mon 24-Sep-12 22:56:15

The thing with Christmas traditions is everybody does things differently. The things that we really enjoy we do year in year out.

In our house we have Christmas eve hampers which has evolved from new pjs after a bath into everything to make chriistmas eve lovely. Last year dcs had, pjs and slipper socks, Lush christmas bath bomb, snowman soup (posh hot chocolate) popcorn and popcorn tub, coke glass and can of coke and a DVD.

My dcs are getting older now so we have lost all the lovely traditions surrounding FC, so I need to think of some new traditions. I'm thinking of starting a bucks fizz breakfast this year and I'd love to get them to midnight mass.

What is it that your sister does at Christmas which you really love. If it is just posh food, you could start the tradition of getting all the lovely m&s food that gets thrown in the oven instead.

girlywhirly Tue 25-Sep-12 08:46:42

Does DSIS have DC of her own? Because if she does, you'd think she would have been a bit more sympathetic to you last Christmas as ill as you were. Did she think you were just putting it on for effect?

Look, stop comparing yourself to your sister and what she has and does. It may not be obvious, but maybe she has set the standard so high for herself in terms of domestic goddessness that she feels she has to keep it up or people will remark upon it. Maybe she would like to stop entertaining everyone at her house now and again, or even just have smaller gatherings at Christmas from now on.

I would absolutely not wait for an invitation, and start to plan your own Christmas at home with DH AND DCS. You can have the day you all want, even if that means eating what the DC want rather than the traditional meal. Some people have a buffet that lasts all day, some have proper meals, do what you want. DH and I spend Christmas day together on our own, and we have a roast chicken which has more meat on it than a small turkey (it's much cheaper too, even free range) and we prefer it. There have been mentions last year of MNETTERS DC asking just to have pigs in blankets and no turkey with their roast potatoes and veg!

Read through as many of the threads as you can on the Christmas topic, including ones from the New Year, where people have talked about how their Christmas went and what was good, what went wrong and they won't be repeating etc.

I wonder who will be jealous after Christmas, when you relate to your sister what a wonderful time you had, especially if she slaved away as she always does, and you had a nice relaxing time!

Onadietcolabreak Tue 25-Sep-12 12:00:49

Totally agree with the above posts. I used to heap aload of pressure on myself to be a totally perfect domestic goddess at Xmas, but. Ended up resentful as I was slaving away whilst everyone else had all the fun, but I'm now cutting corners where I can, and coming up with things I can handle (I'm lazy at heart too grin) and have fun at the same too!

I'm m&sing it this year and starting a few easy and fun traditions,

Elf on the shelf
Xmas eve hamper (starting it now, add too in the next months, bung it in a basket, done.)
A day out (panto or ice skating)
Board game night and the day, rather than wizzing around like a mad woman.
Scavenger hunt for the DCs boxing day to keep them busy Whilst I chill in the sofa grin
Santa foot prints for the kids to wake up to in the morning.

The key is to do what you feel comftable with, there's no point stressing your self out, trying to compete with others, that will only spoil it for you.

And comparing ourselves with others is a sure fire way to make us un happy, as there is always someone who is better than you in someway x

Our tradition is to go to our favourite pub (part of vintage inns and the atmosphere and food are always fab)
That way there isn't the pressure of catering the 'big meal' which leaves me plenty of time to do nice food and activities on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and Boxing Day.
I think you need to set the tone of what your family 'does'. Reading threads on here shows that there is no perfect Christmas for everyone just what is perfect for your family.
Ours is of a lazy variety... Boozy Christmas Eve, lazy start in pj's on the morning working up to going to pub, very slow walk home as night draws in then collapsing with some board/family games in evening.

Arithmeticulous Tue 25-Sep-12 13:35:40

Your first Christmas with the four of you? It'll be LUSH. Think of all the good things your sister does and copy them, throw in a few of DH's traditions and do it all whilst wearing your new Christmas PJs all day.

drummerswife Tue 25-Sep-12 13:42:12

last year myself,dh and dd had our xmas dinner on xmas eve
xmas day we had a cooked breakfast then opened our presents and watched xmas tv
later on my family and dh's came over and we had a buffet tea
it was lovely to do something different and not have to spend the majority of xmas morning in and out of the kitchen

girlywhirly Tue 25-Sep-12 13:50:15

I think once you get out of the mindset of what makes a 'perfect Christmas' as often depicted in adverts and magazines, and start to do things your own way you are often a lot happier.

Louboo2245 Tue 25-Sep-12 22:02:56

Dsis has 3 children and 2 foster children just answer that question.
I think I need to sit and think about what I want to set as traditions for MY family. I need to work out how I am going to work seeing PIL and my Dparents over the holidays as well. MIL has never had a Christmas day without seeing DP and my parents have never gone a Christmas day without seeing me so will be a big change.

girlywhirly Wed 26-Sep-12 10:02:27

See, when families have done the same thing every year it gets taken for granted that it will continue that way. Due to all sorts of reasons, it can't for lots of us. You have a really good reason to want to celebrate at home this year, because you missed last Christmas as you were so ill.

I'd let the parents and ILS know what you are planning, and find out from them what they are doing. If they are able to visit you at your home at any point during Christmas day, and it doesn't have to be for long or for a meal, then they will have seen you both and the DGC on the day (e.g. dropping in for an hour or two on the way to DSIS) If they can't manage that and you cannot go to either of them they will just have to accept the fact and see you as close to Christmas day as they can. TBH, it might be nicer for you to see your parents without DSIS and her brood around as they can concentrate on your family alone. You can still have a quick chat on the phone to wish Happy Christmas if you don't see them.

I have heard of quite few families who are happy to see relatives on any of the days between Christmas eve and New Year except Christmas day which they have just as the nuclear family. It is much better they find, because so many hopes and dreams are focussed on that one day and the pressure to make it perfect so great, somehow it's different and less tense seeing family on another day.

This year there is a week-end before Christmas eve which you can make use of, you won't have to make a traditional Christmas meal for them if not convenient.

TerraNotSoFirma Wed 26-Sep-12 11:27:38

How about having your parents over for dinner on Christmas Eve, then PIL over on Boxing Day. Make Christmas Day all about your little family.
It will be brilliant. smile

Louboo2245 Wed 26-Sep-12 20:25:07

Thanks guys. I think we're going to go with Terra's idea. So full of knackered after a full day at work and the prospect of Christmas, really need to get on top of everything!
Presents are going well, but need to find a good hiding place for DS's as he's 8 and knows most of them!
Looking at doing elf on the shelf but don't want to buy the book as can't afford 20 quid. Any ideas of where I can find an elf?

TerraNotSoFirma Wed 26-Sep-12 21:41:19

Yay, you're sorted. smile

I got our elf from eBay, it's not really the proper elf. I just searched for soft toy gnome.

Louboo2245 Wed 26-Sep-12 22:02:20

Gnome Brilliant! I kept getting lord of the rings stuff. Of to search for it now!

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