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In Law Christmas Conundrum

(6 Posts)
Adversecamber Sun 23-Sep-12 16:53:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper Sun 23-Sep-12 17:00:13

I don't think you can have them all to you.

What about your family? Can you run off to them for Christmas Day and then say " you can come for Boxing Day." to DP's family and perhaps go out somewhere so it's not so confined.

Don't let them stay at your house. ( have a huge leak the month before Christmas which makes it impossible for anyone stay or just say no you are not staying).

My mother hates Christmas and will ruin it for everyone so my parents sadly don't get invited by myself or my siblings on Christmas Day as she spoils it and it's too stressful. I invite them all to ours Boxing Day and it's do-able. She needs pushing back into line but thankfully the kids take over and she fails to be top-dog for the day.

Levantine Sun 23-Sep-12 17:03:12

Oh god it sounds like an utter nightmare. My instinct is that you shouldn't go because I am not convinced that you sacrificing your christmas will make any of them any happier really. How long would you be expected to go for?

Levantine Sun 23-Sep-12 17:03:49

oh sorry, I had read it that you would be going there. Even more exhausting to have people to stay!

Adversecamber Sun 23-Sep-12 18:00:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlywhirly Mon 24-Sep-12 09:18:23

I don't think you should host them either, but if DH insists you must lay down some rules for the ILS which are non negotiable. Things like no arguing or criticising anything or anyone while they are at your home, at the first hint of bother you will ask them to leave. They are to respect your wishes and be courteous and behave like grown ups especially in front of your DS, demonstrating a good example.

DH is to deal with them as appropriate and accept that even though he might let it 'go over his head', you can't and it is upsetting for you, and you shouldn't have to feel this way in your own home at Christmas and especially not when it brings back painful memories. Also no-one can relax and enjoy themselves fully when there is tension and wondering when it will all kick off. But perhaps they get away with arguing because nobody has ever told them to shut up and behave, and at your home they should do both, because it's good manners. I doubt none of them would like to risk being asked to leave even before they've had their meal! Another thing you might consider is monitoring their alcohol intake, often a big factor in lack of temper control.

I'd present these ideas to DH and ask if he will support you, if not you are within your rights to refuse to entertain them.

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