MiL has bought DS Xmas present already - we hate it

[rocket74]

My MiL is great but sometimes she gets it so wrong. She has ordered a maxi motorised quad trike bike thing for my 28month DS christmas present. We only found out as I once logged onto her catalogue to order a bed and now I get an email update when she orders something. A bit sneaky but worthwhile to grit our teeth about the latest item. This thing is massive, he has too much stuff already, can't ride a balance bike yet, no where to store it. I hate those motorised kids toys. Its a lazy toy! DH had it out with her today but she just takes offence and said she isnt going to come for Xmas now.
Honestly I am embarrassed when people come round about how much 'stuff' he has (it just appears sometimes) how the hell do I explain away a frigging maxi quad trike.
We have tried so many times to explain and show by example the kind of toys we want him to have but it doesnt register.
Also DH spent all summer preparing and laying a lawn - no way a motorised trike is going on that!!!
Any tips - unsuitable toys that makes this pale into insignificance!!

We have told her to send it back. are we evil?

[Beamur]

You are a leetle bit evil. She means well, is generous and obviously loves your DS. To some extent you just have to accept this - if she won't take your suggestions it may just be because she has her own ideas about what she wants to get for him.
Your DS may think this toy is the bees knees! But as a compromise, if you are stuck for space and places to actually use it on, could it be stored at Grannys??

[LikeACandleButNotQuite]

Tell her its a fab present for your DS to enjoy at hers. Make her keep the blasted thing there.

[Alibabaandthe80nappies]

No you aren't evil. If you buy a gift for a child that young then the parents should be in agreement about it, and it shouldn't be so big that it takes over half the house or garden.

[Notsurehow]

Definitely shoud be a "wonderful treat" kept and used at Granny's house - "Simples"

[ScaryFairy28]

I agree keep at granny's

[girlywhirly]

Oh, I feel for you! I hate those vehicles too. I reckon it was a classic case of MIL getting carried away, and while I'm sure she thought DS would love it, she didn't think through the problems it would cause for storage, or your lawn, or even if he would be able to control it without crashing into things all the time. Where would he drive it, if not in your garden? She really should have consulted you about this before ordering.

For what it's worth, I would have asked that the order be cancelled too, explaining all the reasons above, and also that DS needs to learn how to control self propelled vehicles first.

If MIL is set on getting him a vehicle of some sort, what about a pedal powered go cart, which could be stored at her home if you have no space for it (and want to protect your lawn)

[myBOYSareBONKERS]

I am at a loss as to what use that present will be unless you have a huge garden for it to go in or you live right next to a park. It wouldnt be safe on a pavement and a complete PITA to get in and out of a car to take to a park.

Ask your MIL when she thought it would be used and where....

[Northernlurker]

No you're not evil. Mil is being selfish and only thinking about what she would like to do. She isn't going to get any feedbak from your ds as he is too young so I wonder if she has friends to show off to?

Sil's mil bought dn a totally unsuitable present for her birthday too. Sil was really frustrated as she had advised exactly what was needed for dn and mil still bought something that dn just isn't old enough to use.

[Sirzy]

I think yabu. I hate it when people get precious over something someone buys being nice. She brought it with every good intention of buying a present her grandson would love - what's wrong with that?

I agree with others that having it as a special toy for grandmas house would have made sense!

[FlossieFromCrapstonVillas]

I think you're being a little ungracious. She means well, You cannot always tell people what to buy. I don't understand about having too much 'stuff' either, surely you put some away and rotate toys? Perhaps compromise and say it's a great toy for when she's a bit older. I'll bet she's really embarrassed after your DH having it out with her. Feel sorry for her!

[FlossieFromCrapstonVillas]

Sorry, your ds not dd

[Pagwatch]

Oh good lord.
Yanbu to have difficulty understanding what she was thinking.
But you only found out in what was, you confess, a sneaky way and then decide to 'have it out with her'.
What does that mean exactly?
Because I can't hep thinking that a couteous and sensible conversation would have resulted in either her realising that it is impractical or finding a solution such as keeping it at hers.

She is not being sensible. She may be throwing consideration out of the window and should be spoken to about that. But your reaction to her, you behaviour around her, sounds very unkind.

[ForYourDreamsAreChina]

You're not evil, but you are ungrateful.

I'll swap you for my MIL, who in 8 yrs has bought dd one pair of shoes, when she was less than a year old, in the sale, the wrong size.

[pinkhebe]

we had this situation with a huge peddle classic car, We have a tiny yard! It stayed at the in laws, ds hardly ever used it as it was impossible to drive, and our neices use it more as they live close by (we live 100 miles away).

I've just remembered how cross I was (It was 9 years ago now!)

It was really expensive, and the inlaws are really into cars, I was just cross that he had a xmas present that he couldn't use (we had hardly any money for christmas presents then, so grandparents presents meant a lot)

So I think the only thing you can do it keep it at their house.

[ENormaSnob]

Leave it at grans.

[Tyrionlovingyourwork]

When he was 2, my ILs bought my DS a motorised bike and a pushbike for his Bday in November. We left them both at their house.

At Christmas 4 weeks later they wanted to buy a £600 electric car. My DH asked them not to. The mad thing is they will not keep ANY other toys at their house. We also have more stuff than ToysRus. We are buying a trampoline next summer as part of his Xmas present this year. We can't mention this as they will buy a massive 16ft one.

I don't think it's kind and am very ungrateful. I leave it between my DH and his folks. If they send tonnes down I put it in the boot of my DH's car to take it back. Toys are either far too young or old for him and he simply doesn't want to play with them. My DS is overwhelmed and would rather have an action figure.

[FlossieFromCrapstonVillas]

What I find hard to understand is the lack of manners here. Talk of 'Taking things back' and 'Having it out' is a teeny bit rude. Or is there a bigger story because they're the inlaws.

[WhereDidAllThePuffinsGo]

You don't actually know what "having it out" was shorthand for though. It could have been "Mum, we know you've bought a huge motorised car for ds. We're sorry, but we won't be able to store that at our house, and there isn't anywhere for him to use it either, as you know. Could you keep it here, or exchange it for something he'd get more use out of?".

I do think it is very rude and self-centred to buy vastly unsuitable presents like this.

And very silly to talk of being grateful for such presents - what's to be grateful for? Not the present, which is a burden. And not the thought, because clearly the only thought that went into it was "me, me, me".

[Pagwatch]

I am not sure one can reasonably extrapolate that the only thought was me me me.
It is possible to be generous and unthinking.
One of my nephews used to come to my house, climb up on the piano and plonked away with great enthusiasm.
Seeing how much he loved it I bought him a small kids keyboard
My sister had the kindness not to say anything but the next time I was at her house I was mortified by the practicalities of him playing it, waking her baby etc etc.

I asked the op what 'having it out' meant but she hasn't answered yet. The reason I suspect it was not brilliantly handled was that the op says her mil is great in her opening line but is now not visiting at Christmas.
And they were objecting to a gift they have no real business knowing about but for mil letting them use her account. I would be upset if I let someone have access to my account and they later used that as a means to check up on me.
Perhaps she will give more details.

[FlossieFromCrapstonVillas]

'Having it out' is a bit more than a polite word. Which is why the MIL is no longer coming for Christmas. Everyone's upset.

If it wasn't then the OP would have said so, (I'm guessing.)

[Tyrionlovingyourwork]

I can have a sensible dialogue with my family. We all make a list of toys or things our children like and (if asked) we share so people can buy something the DC really want. My parents gave my DS something that he wanted for his main present; it wasn't expensive and he plays with it everyday. My ILs gave him a costume that was 2 years too small for him. We didn't send that gift back but couldn't return it to the shop.

My DS sees his paternal grandparents 4 times a year and comes back with binbags of stuff both second hand and new. We have sat down together many times and have said that this very generous but they we cannot store any more toys. We have a very generous family and have 12 x 145ltr trunks full of toys all over the house.

The approach noted by WhereDidAllThepuffinsGo has not worked in five years. I see this as my DH's problem now and so he can sort it with them. Overindulgence on this scale is not good for children. This highlights a serious problem with them and not me.

[JohnniesBitch]

ah like the v v expesnive rocking house, granny brought pfb dgs when we lived in a tiny two bed housewithout a garden. the rocking horse was virtually the size of a real pony, it lives in my mums conservatory, and i think she brought it as she really wanted it but was using ds1 as an excuse knwoing we had nowhere to store it.

im sure thats not the case here as its not a full size one, i should imagine her heart is in the right place but a gentle rmeinder about lack of space at home may be in order. are you sure the car is even for you ds? does she have other grandchildren?

[indiastar]

Yes, you are evil! My ds had one of these when he was 2 and he loved it. It didn't mess up the lawn either. By far, his favourite toy for a very long time, and we left it outside a lot!!

[cadelaide]

I can't believe some of the responses, yet another MIL-bashing thread I suppose.

Your MIL has been incredibly generous and bought a gift that she thinks her Grandson will love and all you can do is berate her for it. So she got it wrong? So what? What happened to good manners? Just smile politely and deal with it.

[girlywhirly]

OK, maybe Rocket's DH might have been a bit over the top in the way he spoke to his mum, assuming that having it out was the real way he did it, but he could have been really frustrated that she never listens to their suggestions and just goes ahead without any discussion. Perhaps this has been going on since well before DS was born, and this was the last straw. She might have form for taking offence easily in order to get her own way.

And by the way Rocket, if there are any toys that DS never plays with and never will, sell them. No point in them cluttering your home, and you can use the money for something else for DS.