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What do you do when you both have different opinions on what to buy the children for Christmas?

(8 Posts)
Shinyshoes1 Tue 23-Aug-11 11:47:01

Perhaps this would be better in AIBU

I always start early for Christmas, I like to spread the cost as it's easier on the pocket.

Every year we have the same problem.

I ask him what to buy the kids he says 'don't know bloody hell shiny it's only june September there's plenty of time.

DS1 has put in his request for a laptop, he's 14, about to take his options and he's only had a second hand laptop which is a bit knackered.

We can afford it, (just) .

I have spoken to DP and all i'm getting is . You are not buying him a brand new laptop. I ask why and he gets the hump and just says no. I ask him to come up with alternative ideas and he says the same thing. 'Bloody hell shiny it's ages away'

I shop for our children my neice, nephews, mum, mums husband, his mum and dad.

He's also had depression for a few months and it hit him hard, he's just returned to work this week and already he doesn't seem to be coping brilliantly but financially he cant be off for too long and he needs to be doing something.

Shall I just go out buy what I want to buy, take the pressure of him and deal with the fall out Christmas day? Especially if he can't come up with alternatives.

Every Christmas Eve he moans about what i've bought and how much i've spent. I always tell him never to express these opinions in front of the children as it would make them feel bad.

cjbartlett Tue 23-Aug-11 11:52:57

Maybe let him take over the Xmas shopping this year? Might build his self esteem up if he's depressed and he can take charge of the finances

UsingMainlySpoons Tue 23-Aug-11 11:54:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

memphis83 Tue 23-Aug-11 11:58:46

Could you get him a netbook as they are a lot cheaper (as long as you dont go for the expensive ones) would he agree to this?
If he moans what you spend every year I would just get on with it, personally I would buy the other family gifts and leave the laptop til last so that your not wasting the warranty sitting under your bed until xmas and they are bound to have offers on before xmas.

LaWeasel Tue 23-Aug-11 12:01:32

To be honest, a new laptop is a very expensive present, and if there's nothing physically wrong with the old laptop (it's not broken) I would be on the side of your husband tbh. He's only just gone back to work, perhaps he's worried about committing so much financially?

Maybe it would be better to choose what you would like to buy and save the money to pay for it all in a savings account and then talk to him about it again in a few months when he might be feeling more confident about his security at work. That way, you will have the money to buy the things you want if he has changed his mind, and if not you still have time to decide on other gifts.

girlywhirly Tue 23-Aug-11 13:47:50

What is wrong with the old laptop? Could it be repaired or have an upgrade, or is it on the point of becoming obsolete which your DH might not have understood. There comes a point when the technology surges ahead and the hardware just can't cope with it.

I would look into the options available with costings, then you can produce a good argument for getting another laptop, because you've done your homework. I would expect a 14yo to accept that that would be the only main present though.

I understand your frustration Shiny, men can be hopeless about Christmas, thinking they have loads of time and frantically panicking on Christmas eve when the shops are practically bare, assuming people can actually get there through the snow. I would get the other presents as usual, and maybe discuss this again mid November when you can say there are only 5-6 weeks to go and you need to get the laptop in case it needs ordering in/weather delaying delivery etc. rational logical reasons for getting on with it. I appreciate that your DH's depression may make him unwilling to think about anything other than the here and now, and trying to get to grips with his job.

Treats Tue 23-Aug-11 14:18:09

Not to sound mean, but have YOU come up with any alternative ideas? Your DH sounds like he's under a fair amount of pressure at the moment - recovering from illness, starting a new job. Is he anxious about over-spending at Christmas? If he is, I think it would be more supportive to start managing your son's expectations about a laptop and start thinking of cheaper gifts. It seems a bit unreasonable to say that it's down to your DH to think of an alternative.

I really think it would be a bad idea to just buy want you want to buy and 'deal with the fall out on Christmas Day'. The presents are meant to be from both of you.....

olibeansmummy Wed 24-Aug-11 12:55:45

I'd wait a bit tbh. It's a stressful time for your dh and you don't NEED to buy it now (unless you find an amazing offer in which case you have more bargaining power grin) I know it's frustrating when you're all excited an dh interested, but it is ages off yet and you can get nagging nearer the time smile

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