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Bah! Mother in Law issues already

(15 Posts)
gregssausageroll Sat 20-Aug-11 09:22:24

We have never had a just us Christimas in the 10 years we have been together. DS has never had a Christimas which is just us in the 3 years since he was born.

Imagine my delight when MIL (who is a horrible, mean, rude, bitter old lady) told us she was visiting family abroad for 3 months over Christmas! Yeeha!

Well, now the ticket has been cancelled because she's had a blood clot and can't fly.

We moved further North from her earlier in the year. She doesn't drive so if we have her at Christmas (if we don't she will be on her own) we will have to drive to get her and then drive her home. We don't have space to have her overnight and I doubt she'd stay and we wouldn't want her here overnight anyway.

Bah! What to do.

plupervert Sat 20-Aug-11 09:27:04

Can't she take a train?! Or cruise it in a container ship!

plupervert Sat 20-Aug-11 09:30:14

Or the relatives could go to her?

3littlefrogs Sat 20-Aug-11 09:34:28

When did she have the blood clot, how is she being treated, and who has stated that she can't fly?

purplepidjin Sat 20-Aug-11 09:34:58

Book her a hotel then find a really cheap grotty one so that she has company and only needs to join you for a short time on the day?

EttiKetti Sat 20-Aug-11 09:36:00

Are there no other ILs that she can go to? Stick to your guns, say you want a christmas just for you guys!

FriskyMare Sat 20-Aug-11 09:38:15

Know how you feel, in 15 years of marriage we always end up with "the hangers ones", Mil, Bil, my parents (although do sometimes alternate with db), younger db and sil, dn (new dn due soon) who moved abroad but will be coming back (staying where exactly!!) and for the last few years FiL too.
We end up squashed around the tv watching The two Ronnies with me
willing them all to feck off home at about 10pm cos I've got to bed at 2am, up at 6am and cooked christmas dinner for 12.
Wouldn't have it any other waygrin

littlemagic Sat 20-Aug-11 09:45:42

How far away is she? Could she not stay at a b&B? I am in the same sort of boat as you. Have you seen the film four Christmas well that is pretty much our Christmas but with 3 houses to go to on Christmas day. So we spend most of the day in the car really not fair on the kids. If we dnt see them all on Christmas day they go mad but yet none of them will come to ours ( we are the only one with two young kids) am sick of it don't know what to do! It been 5 years like this.

Katisha Sat 20-Aug-11 09:47:23

HOw far away is she?

3littlefrogs Sat 20-Aug-11 09:47:39

I find it strange that she says she can't fly. If she has had a DVT or PE she will be anticoagulated and therefore at lower risk of further clots than the rest of the population. Unless she has some other condition that has been hitherto undiagnosed - which would be extremely unlikely in someone of her age who has had children.

Christmas is months away - it doesn't make sense. Treatment for a first clot is 3 to 6 months.

gregssausageroll Sat 20-Aug-11 09:57:24

She is an hour away by car. We live in the countryside in a village so no hearby hotel or B&B without driving.

Her flight to Australia is in October. She has asthma and a heart condition. Getting insurance for previous trips has been horrendous. Getting it now is almost impossible. Plus she's 80 in November.

We are the only remaining family here.

Lotkinsgonecurly Sat 20-Aug-11 10:01:07

Contribute to sending her on a cruise ship, it really wouldn't be that much more expensive! Look at alternate ways to send her, think of the benefit she would get from it.

Or parcelforce.

Katisha Sat 20-Aug-11 10:02:32

You're going to have to have her aren't you...

Maybe there'll be horrendous snow.

girlywhirly Sat 20-Aug-11 15:10:19

That is a good point, Katisha, about the snow. Plus, someone will have to abstain from alcohol if it is possible to collect MIL and take her home. It's sad that she is so awful to entertain, but this is a situation of her own making. If she was lovely to you all you'd be delighted to have her, even if she had to stay and DS slept on an airbed or something.

It's difficult to get the full and accurate medical story from elderly people, unless you've heard it from the Dr treating her, she might have misunderstood some of what she's been told, and some elaborate on their ill-health, to get sympathy and attention. I appreciate that you know she has asthma and a heart condition as well as the clot, and is difficult to insure. Any chance of any rellies coming to MIL for Christmas, or do they find her equally objectionable? Could she help them with the fare as she doesn't look like going there? Having other people around often helps dilute the aggro from one hard-work person.

Another suggestion is a Christmas break at a hotel, where everything is laid on, meals, entertainment, lots of people to talk to? Or a cruise over Christmas where she can join the ship without needing to fly? I'd be running around looking for brochures if I were you!

zipzap Sun 21-Aug-11 17:35:55

Arrange with your family or trusted friends that you are doing xmas with them but so that actually you both know that you aren't but if mil mentions it she is too late.

Alternatively jump in quick and invite her to stay for a couple of days between Xmas and new year. When she tries to change it to xmas just say you are sorry but you already have plans for this year. But don't elaborate any further so she can't attempt to change them for you.

And if she says she doesn't want to stay then point out with the potential for bad weather like last year that it's just too much driving in a day, play on the clot if you have to and day she shouldn't be sitting for so long as a result of that. That way you ha e invited her on your terms and it is up to her if she accepts your offer...

Has she got any friends she could have a nice but different Xmas day with?

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