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overly-extravagant presents from brother for my kids

(8 Posts)
godspeed Mon 20-Dec-10 00:38:34

my brother lives abroad and sent a large parcel of christmas presents for my dcs. In total, there were larger and more gifts than father christmas was planning to bring them and also some overlap in type....I was having gifts delivered to his dcs but planned on about £15 if even that per child, whereas he has spent about £60-70 for each of mine...we come from a large family, with lots of nephews and nieces and just can't spend hundreds and hundreds on presents for them all. Well maybe I could but just would never dream of it....
what to do? I haven't ordered their gifts yet - should I try to match their generosity? We ended up exchanging some of what he sent us as there were overlaps with what father christmas is bringing/what we already have...

Sazisi Mon 20-Dec-10 00:45:57

No, I wouldn't try to match their generosity..otherwise it'll get more and more crazy every year and you'll all be feeling the pressure (and the pionch!) of trying to get amazing big presents for eachothers' kids shock
I speak from experience.

Just stick with your original budget.
Do you not think you've left it a bit late though? Sorry

SnowyGonzalez Mon 20-Dec-10 00:52:34

Exactly what Saz said.

Also can you talk to your bro after Xmas, say in late Jan when all the festivities are over? Tell him how much you all appreciated the lovely pressies, etc, then explain why they made you feel uncomfortable. See if you can come to some kind of joint arrangement for the coming years.

gillybean2 Mon 20-Dec-10 08:34:45

Don't stress about it at all. If he can afford the gifts then just accept them graciously and give what you want/can afford to spend. It's not about like for like, or even similar value I feel.

My ds's grammy sends masses of gifts for him (which often rivals santa). That's just how it is.

Also I spend far more on my sisters 3dss (even if you work it out per child) that she ever does on my 1ds. But that's my choice and I could adjust my spending if I wanted too but I love giving them the kind of presents their parents don't get for them (think craft and/or messy -science-- kit stuff). Plus I tend to shop throughout the year and pick up small items for them along the way. When I pull out the pile at wrapping time it always looks a lot but many things wre bought on offer or in sales)

On the other hand my oldest brother sister --in law is always very generous to my ds. I don't spend much on them but I do still buy for his step children and their children who don't buy for ds. I'm not worried either way and I don't think any of them are either.

So I say just thank him for the presents, comment on how generous he was maybe if you want to make him think on that one. And remember a well thought out small/inexpensive gift is often much better received than one which is expensive just for the sake of it.

Pancakeflipper Mon 20-Dec-10 08:40:17

My BIL spends a fortune on my kids. We do not spend so much on his kid.

My DP tells him not to. I used to be embarrassed but now I tell him I love it.

My BIL lives at home with his parents. He pays zilch out for rent and up-keep. He has a brill job with a generous wage.

And he loves toys. He loves going to the toy shops and buying --plastic tat-- toys my boys will love cos' it's not the sort of toy mummy would buy. It makes him fun uncle in their eyes.

My BIL knows he is over generous and he likes that role. He knows I won't match it but the pressies for his son are sent with love.

Don't worry about it. Tell him how it makes you feel. If it's what your brother wants to do then let him.

healthyElfy Mon 20-Dec-10 10:02:26

Try and make yours thoughtful and carefully chosen. Thats just as good as expensive.

tulpe Mon 20-Dec-10 10:21:19

I would be inclined to accept graciously the gifts offered. Your family must know your situation and won't expect nor want you to cripple yourself financially to provide gifts for his children. Besides, it really is irrelevant how much you spend, as healthyElfy says, make it thoughtful and carefully chosen - that's what counts.

vesela Mon 20-Dec-10 19:55:50

I'd also go ahead and send the presents that you were planning to send. His choice - your choice. You don't need to feel bad. I don't think anyone would expect an uncle or aunt to spend £60/70, especially in a large family, so if one does, it's because they want to, and you needn't feel pressured to match it.

I wouldn't say anything else to him about it, apart from thanking him.

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