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When do you phase out presentbuying/money giving for older teens in the family?

(25 Posts)
moondog Mon 22-Nov-10 23:09:21

I'm talking maybe nieces or cousin's kids, the kind who get a little something every year when young. I don' t want to do it forever. I seem to recall this stuff fizzling out when I was about 19-20.
Or do you lot keep on giving ad infinitum?

trickytroggle Mon 22-Nov-10 23:33:09

I must be a right old humbug. Mine get pressies 'til they're 16 and then they're old enough to earn their own money. That's how it was for me and I kind of just carried it on. Now you make me feel like a tight git! grin

moondog Mon 22-Nov-10 23:34:26

No, sounds good.
Seems ridiculous to pass on tenners to young adults I don't even see as they generally haven't the manners to leave thier bedrooms to say hello when i am in their houses.

trickytroggle Mon 22-Nov-10 23:40:24

My two step neices don't even have the manners to speak even when we have the misfortune of meeting at my mum's house. Will have no qualms with spending their x-mas money on my kids!

DandyDan Tue 23-Nov-10 09:39:37

Phased out mostly when they were 20/21 and finishing university, but not before, as not all 16 yr olds can find jobs and uni students (more so now than ever) don't have tons of cash to spare. The ones I've given to have always appreciated £10 to buy a book for their uni course, or a few bottles of beer. If we had tons of nephews/nieces, it might be different. After 21, nothing.

amidaiwish Tue 23-Nov-10 09:46:10

interesting thread
my nephew is 18 and working for his dad, living at home and earning well (drives a brand new Golf after writing off his brand new mini hmm)

don't even get a card from him on our birthdays but he still expects presents/money from all of us.

lucky to get a thank you from him.

really want to phase out the presents.... might just get him a Gillette/Nivea box set or something like that from Boots which he really won't want (he is a clarins for men kind of guy...)

or am IBU? my sister (his mum) is very generous with presents to my kids. confused
p.s. he also has 2 sisters (16 & 8) who i will still buy for as at school.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 23-Nov-10 09:49:57

Our family has a rule: When the child is confirmed (or age of confirmation if not religious) the presents stop, and said child can no longer expect presents from distant relatives, aunt uncles, etc unless very close and "in touch".

I have always given a present to my youngest cousin, as we are socializing occasionally (she is 21 and a med student) especially as she has given small presents to MY children.

FranSanDisco Tue 23-Nov-10 09:53:50

I phaased them out when they started to earn their own money from saturday jobs. Still sent 18th and 21st cards/money.

nagynolonger Tue 23-Nov-10 11:55:20

We decided years ago to stop Christmas and birthday present for 16+ nieces and nephews. We do still do 18th and 21st(why?), and engagement (if they invite us to the party!), and wedding gifts.

We have never given family gifts to more distant relatives eg my or DH aunts, uncles, cousins because there are too many of them. We do still send small gift for any new born in the extended family. Apart from that it's just a Chistmas card.

Birthdays are easy to stop. You can still send a card. But Christmas is a bit more difficult especially when the first in any family turns 16. Still if everyone does similar at least it's fair.

elmoschristmaswish Tue 23-Nov-10 12:06:03

<watches with interest >

I am looking for ways to phase out the older nephews / nieces too . some of them are in their 20's now & i really need to shorten my gifts list .

tulpe Tue 23-Nov-10 12:10:44

I think it is difficult question because I feel totally mean not buying something for neices and nephews despite them all being in their 20's now.

This year, however, I have reined in the spending WRT their presents and bought them small, token gifts instead. So for my neices with their own flats/houses, I have bought vintage style photo frames (a fiver from TK Maxx). My nephews are getting beany hats and similar also from TK Maxx I also decided to only buy for those whom we see regularly (my family is spread far and wide) and tbh I think those who live furthest away don't really expect anything as we don't get together often anyway.

nagynolonger Tue 23-Nov-10 12:23:16

I think you have to do it with the agreement of your own DB and DSis. Maybe set an age when presents stop. Or when they get a proper job, or when they set up their own home or marry. I did feel a bit mean when my eldest niece turned 16, but I think it was better a family agreement was made early on.......especially as we had 6 DC. It saved our DB and DSis a fortune.

nagynolonger Tue 23-Nov-10 12:28:58

From what I remember (it's a long time ago now!), my own aunts and uncles stopped buy Christmas gifts for nephews and nieces when they became grandparents themselves. They wanted to spend cash on their own DC and GC. Birthday gifts carried on until we left for us that was 16.

GruffalosGirl Tue 23-Nov-10 12:44:33

I didn't realise I had it so good. I'm 33 and still get presents off all my aunts and uncles, as does my DH and DS. In our family you still count as a child until you have your own children.

That said there are only 5 of us "kids" in total so it's not a big group to buy for (most of us were only children). I've just had to say we're not buying for anyone over 18 this year though, including aunts and uncles, and asked no-one to buy for us though (me and DH) as we can't afford it this year.

mogs0 Tue 23-Nov-10 12:45:25

My mum's oldest friend (who we call aunty!) has suggested this year that we don't exchange gifts for the first time and I'm 31!For the last 2 years I've asked her to buy a charity gift because I have so many things but she wanted to get something for me anyway.

What do you do if there is more than child per family? Do you stop giving to the older one but give to a younger sibling?

nagynolonger Tue 23-Nov-10 13:06:49

In our family everyone has more than one DC. We have 6 ourselves. It is hard for the eldest when presents stop at 16 but parents make sure they know in advance. I think maybe 18 would have been a better age to stop, but we all agreed this years ago.....when mortgage rate rocketed and some had to decide between a proper Christmas dinner or presents for their own DC.

We still have big family gatherings at Christmas and New Year. Everyone is invited, and even friend come along. Older DC enjoy meeting their cousins etc.

maktaitai Tue 23-Nov-10 13:10:09

I have a vague limit in my head that I will stop actual presents when they are 25. That allows them an undergraduate and master's degree. The eldest at the moment will be 20 next birthday. However I only have 7 nieces and nephews, and they are the only people I buy presents for apart from ds and dh, so I don't mind carrying on for some time. If I had shedloads of nieces and nephews I think I would settle for 18.

Rockbird Tue 23-Nov-10 13:14:13

18 in our family. We don't buy for adults and 18 is adult.

I'm the eldest of the cousins on one side and presents petered out at about 13 for me. But as I'm 25 years older than my youngest cousin, I have to buy for younger cousins when they don't and never will buy for me. They would never buy for my DD either so it's all a bit unfair when it comes to cousins, especially as we're skint.

moondog Tue 23-Nov-10 14:30:43

13 is a bit mean!
I'm glad there seems to be a common consensus.
What does anyone really need anyway?

Rockbird Tue 23-Nov-10 15:21:55

I was a deprived child <sniff>

solo Tue 23-Nov-10 15:29:56

Just do it when you feel you've done it enough IYSWIM.
My nephew will be 18 in a few months and I haven't always given to him or his sisters my nieces for various reasons and I wonder how I'll/he'll feel when it stops. It is usually only a small gift for a couple of pounds (well sourced!) or hand made gift, but still adds up.

mrsSmurf Tue 23-Nov-10 15:44:48

I still have gifts off my uncles I give them presents too, so in my family we don't stop at all. Quite shocked at there being a cut off age for so many of you...not knocking you though, maybe have a chat with them and come up with an agreement.

Purplebuns Tue 23-Nov-10 15:53:44

One of my prised presents is a fiver from my Gran, at Christmas/Birthday in my card! It is just so sweet

QuoththeRaven Tue 23-Nov-10 16:01:06

i have 2 cousins, 13 and 17 respectively and i'll probably buy them something this year. i dont usually but im pregnant, hormonal and they are my only little cousins.

we stop at 18 though... probably

i have no problems with not getting presents now though, in my mind christmas is for the children, not the adults, although if dh didnt buy me something he'd get the sofa treatment until he did wink

otoh my dhs niece is having an almighty strop, shes finished uni, working full time and my mil has decided to stop buying for her and her brothers as its just getting silly. she wants presents dammit!

don't understand this at all.

Purplebuns Tue 23-Nov-10 17:00:41

Prised? <<faints>>
I meant prized!!

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