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Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

(1001 Posts)
FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:02:01

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

TheProfiteroleThief Tue 16-Nov-10 16:16:23

1000 poncey posts.

Well done all.

SuePurblybiltByElves Tue 16-Nov-10 16:13:40

Dinahrod grin. But I can't screw it on the door (horrid pvc) so I am limited. I hates them doors angry
Asdx2, you may want to start a thread in this topic, more people will see it smile

asdx2 Tue 16-Nov-10 14:35:17

Picked up some great ideas on this thread but I've got another challenge for yougrin.
Simple craft ideas I can make to sell at the school Christmas craft fair.Not foods though because I'll be baking for the cake stall as well.Cheap and cheerful please and not too time consuming as think quantity more than quality will be the key. Many thanks

1234ThumbScrew Tue 16-Nov-10 13:13:03

Ooooh 4plus1 that sounds great, will go and raid the recycling for tins.

4plus1 Tue 16-Nov-10 12:26:12

I just got a great wee tip from the martha stewart site for little tin lanterns.
Wash out your empty tins and fill with water.
Put them in the freezer until water is frozen solid.
Using a nail and hammer you can then punch holes in any design you want.
Put a tea light in the bottom.
I've made 8 of these this morning, I'm going to use them on my front steps nearer to xmas. I also added a trim of ribbon around the top, they look great.

BlackBag Tue 16-Nov-10 12:19:21

Can we have a summary please of the last forty pages please so that I can tell whether my Christmas is lined up to be truely poncetastic, suburban or chav-a-riffic
and whether I should start making next years chutney in order to get ahead of the game.

Sakura Tue 16-Nov-10 11:22:50

Thank you LadyinPink. Mmmmm...

LadyInPink Tue 16-Nov-10 10:31:24

Oooh that reminds me Sakura, i love to make my warm Christmas punch which is a similar thing involving:

Bottle of mulled wine or red wine (whichever you have more of)
Splash of cointreau
Splash of brandy
Cloves stuck round an orange
Lemon slices
Cinamon stick (optional)

It is so gorgeous and more-ish my family always make us do it every Boxing Day buffet we host. For my mum i add a splash of O juice as she is almost a tee total and she loves it bless her.

Christmas Tree dec's are going up next weekend 27th/28th grin

Have almost bought all the pressies too, just need to wrap them. Oh and the Xmas tunes are already playing on the ipod almost daily.

Ok i know, i know, kill me, kill me now!

1234ThumbScrew Tue 16-Nov-10 10:20:50

Bought a dozen glass tree decorations from homebase yesterday at 3 for 5 these to add in with the slightly more expensive ones I plan to get from John Lewis. Am also harbouring a collection of twigs and branches to be sprayed white for our extravaganza DH is still on board. Off to make a table cloth.

TinyPawz Tue 16-Nov-10 10:17:15

tulpe you understand correctly. I made the mistake of telling DD that the christmas tree goes up after halloween. I have been getting pestered relentlessly since 1st Nov. She has finally wore me down.

Jacaqueen Tue 16-Nov-10 09:55:17

Oh it is all going wrong round here.

The children have been off school for the last 3 (5 if you count the weekend) days. This has had serious repercussions on my Christmas planning. Heaven only knows what the school are thinking of having in-service days so close to Christmas. Thankfully they are back to school tomorrow and I can try and catch up.

I have managed to visit a few farm shops and purchased an assortment of hand made tracklements to accompany the Boxing Day buffet.

tulpe Tue 16-Nov-10 09:24:29

Tinypawz - you will put your decs up this coming weekend? Blimey that's early. Or have I misunderstood?

Akkad - Can I recommend you try Nigella's traditional cake from Nigella Christmas? It is super easy. I have been making my own cake for many years now and it is by far the easiest and cheapest I have done. You do need a hefty amount of brandy - 400mls plus extra for feeding. I managed to pick up a rather lovely Spanish one by Torres which was £13 quid (of course, I had to have a little taste to ensure my cake wasn't going to taste like meths!!

Has anyone tried Ikea's ready blended mulled wine? I bought some a while ago but not tried yet. Also bought the non-alcoholic version for DCs to try.

Sakura Tue 16-Nov-10 05:57:01

Mulled wine recipe:

Bottle of red wine, poured in a pan
About seven cloves
Sugar (to taste)
2 slices of lemon

Allow to heat very very slowly until the wine begins to change colour and clarify

Try not to drink too much while you're making it. Serve immediately

I've bought some mulled wine bundles to add in this time as well.

Ponce rating 1-10?

Sakura Tue 16-Nov-10 05:48:55

I've been drooling over this thread. I might have to sack in the socialism and become a ponce.

Raspberry and Cranberry vodka?? Can I have the recipe, please?

Akkad Tue 16-Nov-10 04:22:11

We've had the downstairs re wallpapered for Christmas hmm or just done in general.
Have never made a Christmas cake, have always bought one from Sainsbos blush.
How does one go about making their first christmas cake?
And how much of the 3 bottles of brandy and sherry are necessary?

kickassangel Tue 16-Nov-10 04:07:50

peanut - MI, we don't have safeway.

TinyPawz Mon 15-Nov-10 23:55:55

Well I just spent the last 3 hours wrapping presents (albeit not in poncetastic paper) and still more to buy & wrap.

Xmas decoration out of the loft today to be sorted, replace broken bits then put up on Saturday with DD.

I'm going to do a dry run this weekend of the spiced swirly things mentioned above....wish me luck

DinahRod Mon 15-Nov-10 23:37:15

SuePurblybiltByElves, door suckers?!! [faints]

This is what your wreath needs, or the marginally cheaper £3 one from Wilkos.

barristermum Mon 15-Nov-10 23:25:40

Btw, for those still without advent calendars - try the phoenix card site - they have some really fabulous ones - especially where you add the nativity characters each day which can be re-used - try this page

barristermum Mon 15-Nov-10 23:22:06

I was a bit disappointed by the Country Living Fair this year to the solace of those who didn't make it. It was lovely but very similar to recent years and I didn't even spend all the cash I took.
I bought some non-Christmas cards, lots of debbie and andrew sausages and a bottle of extremely fine sloe gin, but the only thing Christmassy was some gold, silver green and crimson ink pads for my cox and cox stamps and luggage labels to make gift tags with said stamps.
Man at stall of stamps gave helpful tip when I mentioned I would be stamping with my nearly 3 year old - only get one stamp pad out at a time or she will not be able to resist and you end up with a messy merge of all colours - probably obvious to the ponciest of all but I would never have had the foresight by myself!

mylittlepeanut Mon 15-Nov-10 22:26:29

Kissassangel, Where abouts in the states are you? I bought some in Safeway last year.

kickassangel Mon 15-Nov-10 21:45:18

well, the carpet fitter hasn't got back to me, so unless i get something sorted soon, we'll be spending christmas with a nicely painted house and underlay to sit on hmm

as we fly home on sat, i have had to finish everything for christmas & am looking forward to when we get back - it will just be the fun stuff, like parties, (and finishing the painting), having done all the family stuff.

can't make mince meat here - can't get the ingredients. i have concocted an approximation, but it's still not the same.

so, where shall i go to get my mincemeat fix whilst in the UK? waitrose, sainsbury's
& tesco all easy to get to for us.

i am seriously thinking about doing a christmas meal for my family whilst in the uk - i just need to persuade someone to let me borrow their kitchen for a day. dd will be excited - she's upset about missing thanksgiving, so this could be fun.

MistsAndMellow Mon 15-Nov-10 21:24:07

sybilvimes I am very glad to hear it. I will hide the Christmas lavatory paper next year along with the presents I think.

LOL about the Aled Jones Christmas Carols. Always makes me laugh when I hear of him because once a friend of mine said she had met him backstage at a concert. We were about fourteen and he was "Top of the Pops" at the time. I didn't believe her.

So I wrote to him. Aled Jones. Pop Star. Wales.

"Dear Aled, I heart you very much and I have all your records. Do you remember my friend, J?" hoping that a lot bit of flattery would get me a reply.

I had nothing back except a signed picture but then one day there was a documentary about him and he read my letter out including my real name and address and the hearting of him for all my friends at school to hear shock

He is appearing in Panto in our town this year and DH is constantly taking the piss every time we go shopping and walk past the posters hmm

bandgeek Mon 15-Nov-10 20:42:55

I'm starting to get really excited about Christmas!

I've bought most of my presents, have made my cake, currently brewing raspberry and cranberry vodka and just today have made my Christmas Pudding. I am plaaning on feeding this some Morgans Spiced every week.

I've made my annual trip to the Christmas shop to buy a special bauble for the tree. This weekend I'm going to make some more salt dough decorations with the DC. I've even bought Aled Jones Christmas Carols (and listened to it a couple of times! shock blush

Love this time of year smile

tulpe Mon 15-Nov-10 17:24:07

Ha! I redecorated the sitting room back at the end of October in anticipation of christmas Tis now a beautiful shade of olive green (not the exact name....just can't think of how to describe the colour exactly!) and have an array of gold, linen and deep red accents. I love it

Oh and do I get extra ponce points for having my kitchen entirely renovated for Christmas? complete with poncetastic gold flecked granite to match usual theme of gold christmas decor for the kitchen? (note: don't actually have entire kitchen renovated on annual basis for christmas.....!)

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