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Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

(1001 Posts)
FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:02:01

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Lauriefairycake Fri 24-Sep-10 18:21:26

Today I got the Christmas tree biscuit stack from Cox and Cox (they sell it in Lakeland too - cheaper angry)


Decorhate Fri 24-Sep-10 18:21:42

Do you know anyone selling Phoenix cards MC? Always get lovely ones from there.

Am going to lurk on this thread in spite of the Aunt Bessie ban (dcs will only eat AB roasties)

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:22:04

Ok, I need clarification about shrivelling oranges.
Any type of oranges?
How long for?
Oven temp?
I'm assuming you slice then dry?

I do love a poncetastic homemade wreath on the front door.

In my house there will be:
A string of punched tin Christmas tree lights that I bought in sale from Laura Ashley

There will be no:
blue Christmas related lighting <shudders>
Chocolate advent calendars (if I have my way but am always thwarted by well meaning relatives...grrr...)
Inflatable novelty santas/snowmen

Ave Maria

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:23:28

Oh, Ave Maria was to end my post. There will most certainly be playing of Christmas Carols, The Rat Pack Christmas, Phil Spectors Christmas Album (greatest EVER) and of course ipod mix of Shakin Stephens, Slade etc.

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:25:37

OH yes, Delia's Christmas cake, DEFINITELY.
Also, home made gingerbread house (decorated with sweets bought from local old fashioned sweet shop where you chose sweets from big jars)
Boys - can we have lemon curd recipe posted. We all LOVE lemon curd in the VonRumple household.

MrsMadWriggle Fri 24-Sep-10 18:27:37

Do you know this is on "most active" threads?

[shudders to think what it'll be like in December scrooge emoticon] wink

mathanxiety Fri 24-Sep-10 18:28:41

12 weeks shock


itshappenedagain Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:06

ooooohhh! count me in. i went and purchased all my jars and christmasy decorating bits for them last weekend.

MrsDoofenshmirtz Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:26

marking place

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:58

Message withdrawn

notso Fri 24-Sep-10 18:33:24

Loving the ponctastic Christmas.

DC3 is due on 23rd Dec but I have already finished work so hopefully have plenty of time for ponctastic prep.

I am going to buy calico bags and paint/embroider them to use as gift bags.

I am gathering storage jars and tea trays to make sugar, spice and all things nice gifts.

Can someone reveal the secret of orange drying because mine always look shit.

MarshaBrady Fri 24-Sep-10 18:34:08

This sounds lovely. I don't have to do anything this year other than do a long flight and wear a nice dress.

My mother is doing it all. She has started preparing now. Plus has a new kitchen to do it in. We will fly there and she will be tense and require order, but it will be good.

BoysAreLikeDogs Fri 24-Sep-10 18:35:23

how to dry orange slices

Microwave Lemon Curd:

Am assuming a 750 watt microwave, amend accordingly.

Grated rind and juice of 4 (unwaxed preferably) lemons
100 g butter, diced
450 g caster sugar
4 eggs, beaten

Mix together lemon juice, rind, butter and sugar in a pyrex-type glass bowl. Cook on high for about 4 minutes until butter has melted. Give it a stir and then stir in the eggs.

Cook on high for 5 - 7 minutes
Stop and whisk every minute
Do not overcook or you will make egg toffee
When the curd coats the back of a spoon then it is ready

Cool for 5 miutes, whisking every minute then pot into sterile jars.

Keep refrigerated for up to 2 weeks.

om nom NOM

bellavita Fri 24-Sep-10 18:36:00

Well, I started a couple of weeks ago looking through my back copies of the xmas editions of Woman and Home and Good Food mag to get some ideas of what I can do to get ahead again this year..

My apple sauce is already done and in the freezer. Will order some red cabbage on next weeks shopping and will be able to get that done and in the freezer too!

Shiney, get with it love grin

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 18:37:47

For the gingham ponces

Mine arrived last week.

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 18:44:01

I've spent the morning sewing felt tree decorations, can I join you?

Poncetastic things that I do every year include going for a walk to find greenery and twisting it through fairly lights throughout the house. Surely that earns me my place on the thread?

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:45:54

Thanks BALD smile

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 18:50:52

Crikey, you lot are really keen aren't you? You're making decorations and stuff already?! <impressed>

I want to know how to do decorations so my house looks like Nigella's rather than Waynetta's.

<licks pencil and waits for experts to dish>

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 18:54:46

I'm toying with making proper advent calendars too. I refuse to pay £30 for this when I can make a nicer one.

greenlotus Fri 24-Sep-10 18:54:49

Gingham - check
homemade rustic decorations - check
Handmade wreath - check
Candles - check
Country Living Christmas issue - check

Any of DH's family prepared to drive for an hour to admire it? Never. angry grin

Think we will just have tinsel and baubles from Wilko this year and be done with it.

Goldberry Fri 24-Sep-10 18:56:51

I'm dreaming of a poncetastic Christmas ... just like the ones I used to know [cheesy music emoticon] . Except I've never had one. DH is a Christmas scrooge. He thinks it's all a big waste of time and complains every year that I insist on having a tree! sad
However, I love Christmas and it's my first one as a SAHM, so I'm bloody well going to dry oranges and everything. Stuff him <stamps foot>. Am I in?

greenlotus Fri 24-Sep-10 18:58:03

Proper Advent Calendars

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:04:58

I made very simple advent calendars a few years ago that were small organza bags sewn onto a long piece of ribbon that I draped on the bannister. They were only meant to be a temporary measure but we are still using them. Will make new ones this year.

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 19:05:50

YY country living christmas edition, possibly House Beautiful too.


Look: ooooh gingham Christmas


may be too much, a combination of the cupcake/bunting genre AND poncetastic Christmas

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:11:08

Like these, but not socks.

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