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I'm non-monogamous, AMA

(84 Posts)
Ohalrightthen Tue 01-Dec-20 20:34:56

Just as it says. I'm non-monogamous, or polyamorous - I've seen a lot of posts on here being incredulous and/or disparaging of open relationships, and feeling a little grim about that, so, opening myself up to whatever questions people might have.

Also to the possibility that no one GAF.

OP’s posts: |
Iminaglasscaseofemotion Tue 01-Dec-20 20:35:53

You say you are, is your partner? Do they know?

Sadhoot Tue 01-Dec-20 20:37:56

Where do you find the time/energy?

Do you have/want DC?

Are you on the ASD spectrum? I'm not trying to be rude but I knew 3 people at uni who were poly and I suspect they were all on the spectrum. One definitely was. I'm wondering if that was a freaky coincidence or if there's a pattern.

Ohalrightthen Tue 01-Dec-20 20:41:52

Iminaglasscaseofemotion

You say you are, is your partner? Do they know?

My husband is not, and yes he does know. I was previously in an open relationship with a man who is also non-monogamous, when i met my husband.

I was open with him from the outset, and we fell in love very quickly. After a few months he told me that even though he'd tried, he wasn't able to manage it. We broke up for a bit, and i thought long and hard about what i wanted. I chose him, and we're now in a monogamous relationship and have been since that point.

I suppose i see non-monogamy in the same way i do being bisexual (which i am also) - it's an inherent part of my identity, regardless of my relationship status.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Tue 01-Dec-20 20:43:43

Sadhoot

Where do you find the time/energy?

Do you have/want DC?

Are you on the ASD spectrum? I'm not trying to be rude but I knew 3 people at uni who were poly and I suspect they were all on the spectrum. One definitely was. I'm wondering if that was a freaky coincidence or if there's a pattern.

As above, I'm currently in a monogamous marriage, and i have a child. If my husband was comfortable with non-monogamy i imagine we might be in an open marriage, but i can't say for sure.

No, I don't have any diagnosis of ASD nor have i ever been suspected of it. I did have depression as a teen, if that helps.

OP’s posts: |
autumncolourlover Tue 01-Dec-20 20:48:40

** "*I'm non-monogamous*"

"*I'm currently in a monogamous marriage*"

Am I the only one a bit hmm

SquirtleSquad Tue 01-Dec-20 20:53:03

@autumncolourlover I'm with you there wine

RunningFromInsanity Tue 01-Dec-20 20:54:09

hmm

Babyg1995 Tue 01-Dec-20 20:55:32

Are you monogamous or not how can you be if your in a non monogamous relationship bizarre confused

Audreyseyebrows Tue 01-Dec-20 20:57:45

So you are monogamous then.

Ohalrightthen Tue 01-Dec-20 20:57:54

autumncolourlover

** "*I'm non-monogamous*"

"*I'm currently in a monogamous marriage*"

Am I the only one a bit hmm

As i said upthread, i consider it to be an inherent part of my identity, regardless of my relationship status. I'm no less bisexual even though I'm married to a man, and I'm no more monogamous despite only being with my husband.

OP’s posts: |
Babyg1995 Tue 01-Dec-20 21:00:11

Your not non monogamous if your in a monogamous relationship fgs sounds like you had fun with others before you settled down with your husband normal part of life .

Motnight Tue 01-Dec-20 21:00:13

This is a bit of a non thread 😂

speakout Tue 01-Dec-20 21:02:19

Cool story bro.

Corner13 Tue 01-Dec-20 21:02:30

This is such a stupid thread

I’m a squirrel, ask me anything. Though don’t ask me about being a squirrel, because I’m not a squirrel

biscuit

helloxhristmas Tue 01-Dec-20 21:02:30

Well that cleared that up quickly 😂

thecatmother Tue 01-Dec-20 21:03:03

Have you seen the Netflix "You ,me,her" and if so, what do you make of it? Is it fairly accurate in terms of attractions and not being jealous of your partners and being frank with each other.

zeddybrek Tue 01-Dec-20 21:03:15

So at present you are non practicing non monogamous. I can sort of understand.

Did you or do you miss being in an open relationship when you decided to be monogamous to your partner.

HotSince63 Tue 01-Dec-20 21:04:57

This is the probably the worst AMA I've seen yet grin.

"I'm non-monogamous, in a monogamous relationship".

Yeah me too OP, me too. I'd have loads of questions for you if you were actually non-monogamous, but you're not.

theantsgomarchin Tue 01-Dec-20 21:09:15

The problem here is that all the questions that people would wish to ask would all be directed towards a non-monogamous person in a non-monogamous relationship. The fact that you're in a monogamous relationship is almost like saying "I used to be a vegetarian, but now I eat meat - ask me anything".

It's not interesting or unusual to have explored the idea of non-monogamy, but the fact that you've now chosen to be monogamous means you are by your very nature now monogamous

Ohalrightthen Tue 01-Dec-20 21:11:19

zeddybrek

So at present you are non practicing non monogamous. I can sort of understand.

Did you or do you miss being in an open relationship when you decided to be monogamous to your partner.

I do, in a way, miss it. Sometimes i meet people i have chemistry with, people I'd otherwise persue a physical or emotional relationship with, but i made a commitment to my husband and i did that with my eyes open, and i stand by that choice.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Tue 01-Dec-20 21:13:11

theantsgomarchin

The problem here is that all the questions that people would wish to ask would all be directed towards a non-monogamous person in a non-monogamous relationship. The fact that you're in a monogamous relationship is almost like saying "I used to be a vegetarian, but now I eat meat - ask me anything".

It's not interesting or unusual to have explored the idea of non-monogamy, but the fact that you've now chosen to be monogamous means you are by your very nature now monogamous

Well, i spent many years in non-monogamous relationships, one with the same primary partner for 3 years, and i still consider myself to be non-monogamous, just as i still consider myself to be bisexual, despite being committed to a man, hopefully for life. It's not something I've grown out of, or stopped feeling.

OP’s posts: |
Lobsterquadrille2 Tue 01-Dec-20 21:18:16

How much do you think your husband worries about you being tempted back to non monogamy?

IKEAwebsitecompletecon Tue 01-Dec-20 21:18:21

But, but the thread title is 'I'm non monogamous' ?

I am very confused.

I'm fairly certain a large proportion of people reading this were non monogamous before they got married. I think that's how human beings work. Isn't it?

Audreyseyebrows Tue 01-Dec-20 21:21:26

So if you decided to cheat in the future you can say, ‘sorry Dh but you knew that I was polygamous’?

Basically you used to sleep around but now you don’t. Cool.

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