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I am in a women's refuge.

(32 Posts)
makingchanges7 Sat 14-Nov-20 17:46:14

Ask me anything.

OP’s posts: |
SentientAndCognisant Sat 14-Nov-20 18:03:58

Sorry you’ve found yourself having to flee
Did you receive support from statutory agencies eg Sw or Health to get the refuge?
Do you feel safe?
What support are you being offered

IEat Sat 14-Nov-20 22:26:44

How are you?

Pebbledashery Sat 14-Nov-20 22:27:26

If you're comfortable to tell.. What circumstances led you to be there and how are you coping now. X

makingchanges7 Sun 15-Nov-20 22:34:48

SentientAndCognisant

Sorry you’ve found yourself having to flee
Did you receive support from statutory agencies eg Sw or Health to get the refuge?
Do you feel safe?
What support are you being offered


I called the police and they removed my partner from the house for the night. I then called my local domestic violence helpline and they offered me a place in the refuge. I moved in that day. I feel 100% safe even though I am only really minutes away from my ex partner in a car.

OP’s posts: |
makingchanges7 Sun 15-Nov-20 22:35:49

IEat

How are you?


I'm really good actually. Taking this time to focus on my self. Making my beds everyday, showering everyday, eating healthy, getting daily exercise and vitamin D, meditating, just stress free for once.

OP’s posts: |
Joditaylorfan Sun 15-Nov-20 22:37:15

What, if anything, do you need right now? What might other women need, that could be donated?

dublingirl66 Sun 15-Nov-20 22:37:17

What are your long term plans?

I used to flee then go back when he threatened suicide
Hope you are stronger than me !!!!

makingchanges7 Sun 15-Nov-20 22:37:24

Pebbledashery

If you're comfortable to tell.. What circumstances led you to be there and how are you coping now. X


See previous comments about how I'm coping. But I have just don't everything for my ex partner in the last couple years in terms of cooking cleaning and looking after the children. He has mental health issues that he has never addressed and this caused him to be violent. I didn't wait for it to happen again, I left the first time. And I know that's hard for some but there was no way I was staying and letting it happen again.

OP’s posts: |
makingchanges7 Sun 15-Nov-20 22:41:43

Joditaylorfan

What, if anything, do you need right now? What might other women need, that could be donated?


It's different for everyone. We get help from the food bank and help with toiletries and sanitary products. For me personally, im not really in need of much as I took a lot of my things with me, and the refuges don't take donations in terms of like food or pillows or kids toys etc. The best way you can support people in refuges and everyone else in need is to just keep donating to local food banks, and contact the council to see what you can do to help women in refuges. They might be able to accept shopping vouchers and things. I received a £50 Tesco voucher as a donation and that will help me to buy things that I can't get from the food bank such as toilet roll, and even clothes for interviews so I can find work and get back on my feet. Hope this helps

OP’s posts: |
makingchanges7 Sun 15-Nov-20 22:45:22

dublingirl66

What are your long term plans?

I used to flee then go back when he threatened suicide
Hope you are stronger than me !!!!


I can see potential to go back, because for me it isn't emotional abuse, only a one off physicality that caused me to up and leave straight away, but things would have to be completely different. He will have to get support for his mental health and completely change his ways and his outlook on life. I know he never wanted to be violent, and like I mentioned this was only the first but hopefully the last time he would do something like that. But for many, going back is the worst thing they can do. You can never really know someone 100%. The say they will change but they might not and it's very risky. Right now I'm happy where I am, I'm getting the support I need and making positive changes in my life. I hope he does the same and who knows what the future will be.

OP’s posts: |
milkncoffee Sun 15-Nov-20 22:50:44

Do you have children ? If so I don’t think you would be able to go back after being in a refuge because the children may be at risk do you have a social worker to talk to about how you feel you might return to this relationship?
You sound like you are happy where you and most importantly you are safe. Do not put yourself back in a dangerous situation x

SpillingTheTea Sun 15-Nov-20 23:25:32

I'm so sorry to hear what happened.
Please don't go back. They say it's a one off but it never is.
Find this time to find your strength. You sound like a strong person.
Sorry nothing to ask but only to advice.

RAOK Sun 15-Nov-20 23:45:38

Can you see a difference in your children since you left? Are you happier? Are you scared still or can you relax now?

makingchanges7 Mon 16-Nov-20 06:44:06

milkncoffee

Do you have children ? If so I don’t think you would be able to go back after being in a refuge because the children may be at risk do you have a social worker to talk to about how you feel you might return to this relationship?
You sound like you are happy where you and most importantly you are safe. Do not put yourself back in a dangerous situation x


I don't have any children no. He does, and social worker is aware of the situation.

OP’s posts: |
makingchanges7 Mon 16-Nov-20 06:45:11

SpillingTheTea

I'm so sorry to hear what happened.
Please don't go back. They say it's a one off but it never is.
Find this time to find your strength. You sound like a strong person.
Sorry nothing to ask but only to advice.


That's not entirely true. I know of lots of stories of women who have gone back and never been hurt again. He knows if he hurt me again he'll be locked up and lose his children so depends how much he'd be willing to lose.

OP’s posts: |
makingchanges7 Mon 16-Nov-20 06:46:08

RAOK

Can you see a difference in your children since you left? Are you happier? Are you scared still or can you relax now?


I don't have children. But his children are missing me a lot. I feel safe definitely. Just taking some time for myself stress free

OP’s posts: |
Eaumyword Mon 16-Nov-20 06:59:23

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Another who would like to help, so wondering if you or ladies in a similar position are there over Christmas, what might you like donated to give you some normality and joy? Any treats you'd like?
I already donate to the foodbank so it is nice to know the foodbank offer support.

makingchanges7 Mon 16-Nov-20 10:21:50

Eaumyword

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Another who would like to help, so wondering if you or ladies in a similar position are there over Christmas, what might you like donated to give you some normality and joy? Any treats you'd like?
I already donate to the foodbank so it is nice to know the foodbank offer support.


Boxes of Christmas biscuits or bars of chocolate are always good donations, for me I love books, art materials, you know like paint by numbers or diamond art/scratch art, that's always good to do with the kids too. Bedding is good too, duvet and pillow case sets, blankets. Same for the families, like cot linen for babies. Vouchers for shops. These all have to be new though as they don't accept second hand things most of the time. But honestly 99% aren't taking donations due to COVID it's so annoying. Contact your local refuge and see what they will accept and thank you on behalf of all the women in refuges for your support!

OP’s posts: |
Eaumyword Mon 16-Nov-20 12:51:31

Really good suggestions there thanks. I love the idea of some nice (new obviously!) treats.
I hope everything gets better for you. Great thread, thank you x

IPeedInThePool Mon 16-Nov-20 12:54:19

How old were the children?

ellazeem Mon 16-Nov-20 12:54:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

makingchanges7 Mon 16-Nov-20 14:45:28

IPeedInThePool

How old were the children?


The children are 11 and 6

OP’s posts: |
dublingirl66 Mon 16-Nov-20 21:50:27

Wishing you the best OP

Just to add
They rarely change
Even when they have d v intervention work etc

Sorry to say this

Been through hell and was v close to getting into a refuge with a small baby

I regularly donate to woman's aid also in my area they use the money to buy new things for houses families have been moved to
Just an idea for others asking

Best wishes ❤️❤️❤️

makingchanges7 Tue 17-Nov-20 09:08:49

dublingirl66

Wishing you the best OP

Just to add
They rarely change
Even when they have d v intervention work etc

Sorry to say this

Been through hell and was v close to getting into a refuge with a small baby

I regularly donate to woman's aid also in my area they use the money to buy new things for houses families have been moved to
Just an idea for others asking

Best wishes ❤️❤️❤️


I'm very hoping it was an isolated incident. He'd never done it before and if he was to do it again if I went back I'd be pressing charges and he'd be locked up and lose his kids. Things would have to be so different for me to go back. And I'm thinking of just getting my own place so I have somewhere I can go to if I need space

OP’s posts: |

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