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I'll be a mum to 2 at 19 (and DM a grandma to 2 in her 30s) AMA

(99 Posts)
qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:22:24

We get a lot of weird comments (some very positive, some judgey), so if it's of any interest, AMA!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:47:53

@AllTheWhoresOfMalta DM doesn't regret not doing anything before me apart from she has the same one guilt as me and that's not being able to give as much as people who have progressed/got a stable career and such.
I think I'm the same (although maybe I regret not appreciating sleep more 😂), but otherwise!

4under4our Sun 30-Jun-19 19:48:07

No question OP but I used to get a lot of shitty comments (mostly from older women) when I had my 1st and 2nd. They assumed I was a fair bit younger than I was (stopped happening after my 3rd, I've obviously aged 😂) and it's bloody horrible.

Just hold your head high and be the best Mum you can be, sod the rude comments.

MrsMiggins37 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:49:32

Oh, have you had the second yet or are you still pregnant?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:49:37

@4under4our thank you! I've become a LOT more resilient over the past year especially as opposed to when I first got pregnant with DC1!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:50:04

@MrsMiggins37 still pregnant!

user1471546851 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:50:38

Next I think it's the way you put it
"So you're against abortion for some reason?"
Why not ask if she had Considered abortion and how she come to the decision not to have one?
My best friend had a baby at 16 and we're in our early 30s now she is a fabulous mum has a beautiful home great job husband holidays etc etc etc

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:51:15

What on earth has your bar of chocolate got to do with having a child WellErr? Are you being serious?

It’s a metaphor. Look it up.

Congratulations OP flowers

AllFourOfThem Sun 30-Jun-19 19:52:49

How involved is the father or fathers?

Dinosforall Sun 30-Jun-19 19:53:49

WellErr DH brought me home some icecream the other night and even though I like ice cream and it was a kind thought I didn't fancy it just then and put it in the freezer for another day.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:53:59

If you have a mistake with your contraception and aren't planning to have a child, why would you not have an abortion?

Because it's a choice and some people choose to have a child.

It doesn't matter how many times you say you are not being rude, you are fucking rude.

teenmum18 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:54:58

My third was born a few months after I turned 20 I too used to get a lot of judgy comments and mostly from older people. I used to just ignore them. People with small minds won't change their ways so there's no point in acknowledging them.

Congratulations op and best of luck.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:55:05

How involved is the father or fathers?

God people are hideous.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:55:54

@AllFourOfThem both involved. Still with current DP and very happy.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:56:10

@teenmum18 thank you!

123testing Sun 30-Jun-19 19:57:30

OP congratulations on your pregnancy. I agree there are pros and cons to having kids younger. You have much more energy, enough energy to manage studying working and raising children, which I did. Became a young mum by choice.
I also have dc now im in my 30s and have less energy but then again Im not stressing about buying my first home and studying for a degree.
I think if you're sensible, have a sound plan for the future and a good support network,having kids young is a good thing.

Skyejuly Sun 30-Jun-19 19:57:32

Hi.

No questions but I had 2 children by 18. They are age 15 and 13 now! I was a young mum but I have now been able to go to uni and get married etc and just work around it. I'm glad I had them young as my eldest has ASD and I doubt I would have had the energy before Haha.

Marlena1 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:57:38

So you don't agree with abortion for some reason

What an awful thing to say, would you say this to someone older?

ThePurpleHeffalump Sun 30-Jun-19 19:58:38

When I lived in the NW, your specific situation was very common, there was little negative judgement and lots of general companionship from other teenage parents. Now I live in a very different area. So are you in a location with lots of other young mums to support you, and appropriate, skilled services?

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:58:40

WellErr DH brought me home some icecream the other night and even though I like ice cream and it was a kind thought I didn't fancy it just then and put it in the freezer for another day.

Such is the wonderful power of choice smile

MumofTinies Sun 30-Jun-19 19:59:31

Being pro choice means just that Samsung, OP has chosen to continue with her pregnancies, that should be respected. It doesn't mean she is against others making a different choice.

Have you ever had any shitty/patronising comments from health care professionals OP?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:59:57

@123testing @Skyejuly thank you! It's nice to hear other positive stories of people from similar situations. Some people really like to make you feel like you're just someone to judge because of the unusualness of the situation!!!

TeachesOfPeaches Sun 30-Jun-19 20:01:03

My mum had 2 children by 19 (same dad) and became a granny at 48. My advice to you is to get your education and career on track because my mum didn't and she isn't in an enviable position now even though my parents were together for 30 years.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:01:15

@ThePurpleHeffalump I think there's a lot of stereotyping and looking down on younger mums where I am if I'm honest.
There's some help for the situation but have usually turned it down or tried to turn it down as they're put across so patronisingly.

Kyogre Sun 30-Jun-19 20:03:10

Lots of questions.
I’d like to know about the practicalities of how you can manage to make this work. Who do you live with? How much money do you live on and where does it come from? Do your parents help you a lot?
What qualifications do you have?
Do you live with the kids Dad? How old is he? Does he work? Did he want you to have an abortion?

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 20:03:19

Did you lose a lot of friends when you had your 1st baby?

I had ds at 20 and a few friends were "excited" when i was pregnant but drifted swiftly away when i had him!

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