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I'll be a mum to 2 at 19 (and DM a grandma to 2 in her 30s) AMA

(99 Posts)
qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:22:24

We get a lot of weird comments (some very positive, some judgey), so if it's of any interest, AMA!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:23:58

Did you plan to have either or both of your children when you did?

LakeIsle48 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:27:46

I've no questions to ask you but I wish that I was in your shoes. I'm a parent to a 20 and 22 year old and I'm 53 and I'm knackered. If i had my time back I would have had them at your age!

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:29:06

When did you have your first? When did your mum have you?

No judgement here, just curious

whattodo2019 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:29:57

Are you and your children happy? Can you provide for your children?
Personally I wouldn't have coped with 2 children at 19 but there are plenty of people who can. I think age is irrelevant but I do think a secure future for your children is. Education is often the key.
Good luck xxx

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:30:45


Neither. DC1 was conceived due to me being careless and immature and thinking it could never happen to me (well, it did, but I'm very glad).
DC2 was a genuine contraceptive failure as I've been extremely cautious since DC1 so completely unexpected!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:31:44

@LakeIsle48 thank you - I think there's pros and cons to having them at any age but definitely nicer to hear that than 'why the hell do you have children as a teenager?!'

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:34:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:34:37

@Baritriwsahys 20 for DM, 16 for me!

@whattodo2019 very happy. I can provide but I do wish I could be able to give more!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:35:19

@Nextphonewontbesamsung I didn't say that smile

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:35:53

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

hopeishere Sun 30-Jun-19 19:36:53

Can you outline the exact timeline ages so I can follow this better.

@Nextphonewontbesamsung that's a bit of a jump! Just because someone chooses not to have an abortion doesn't mean they don't agree with it. What a horrid comment.

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:38:02

No, I'm surmising it from your situation. Why would you knowingly have two children before you turn 20 if you didn't actively want either of them beforehand?

MrsMiggins37 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:38:07

Are the dads still around?

How do you think it’ll impact things like work, education etc?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:39:15

@Nextphonewontbesamsung not really sure how to respond - I may not have actively wanted to get pregnant but I'm completely happy that I did and happy in my decisions to keep DC!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:41:16

It's not a "horrid comment" at all! I completely disagree, take the emotion out of it for a minute.

If you have a mistake with your contraception and aren't planning to have a child, why would you not have an abortion? Unless you have some calling against it?

If you knowingly had a contraceptive failure, why would you not take the MAP?

I am genuinely curious to know.

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 19:41:21

samsung how rude! A lot of women keep babies from unplanned pregnancies because they want to and they can.

Doesnt mean theyre anti abortion!

AllTheWhoresOfMalta Sun 30-Jun-19 19:41:44

I’m mid 30s and went to school with a girl who is now a grandmother. I just can’t imagine it! Mine are preschool age and she’s got a grandchild older than my youngest.

I suppose what I wonder about her and will ask you is what do you regret not doing before you had children?

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:42:12

Thanks for demonstrating the type of judgey comments OP must get, Next 🙄

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 19:42:54

If you knowingly had a contraceptive failure, why would you not take the MAP?

Unless it was a condom splitting youd have absolutely no idea your contraception had failed until you had a positive pregnancy test.

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:43:43

Again, it is not rude. It is a question - as in Ask Me Anything - I am asking. It is NOT rude, it is what many people would ask.

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:43:47

If you have a mistake with your contraception and aren't planning to have a child, why would you not have an abortion? Unless you have some calling against it?

DH brought me a bar of chocolate the other night. I’m actively trying not to eat much sugar at the moment, and I wasn’t expecting it, but it was a nice surprise so I had it anyway.

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:44:38

It’s extremely rude, and no ive never heard ANYONE ask anyone that question. Ever.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:45:46

@Nextphonewontbesamsung it wasn't a contraceptive failure I was aware of until I took the test!

@MrsMiggins37 yes, both.

I do worry that it'll affect things like work especially. I've always wanted to get onto a career path and progress and although I'm confident that I'm mature, intelligent, work-driven and capable, I worry that any employer will see 2 bouts of maternity leave before 20 and not give me a second look for how it must seem! I'm not naive to the judgement or stereotypes so it's hard when I start to worry!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:46:39

What on earth has your bar of chocolate got to do with having a child WellErr? Are you being serious?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:47:53

@AllTheWhoresOfMalta DM doesn't regret not doing anything before me apart from she has the same one guilt as me and that's not being able to give as much as people who have progressed/got a stable career and such.
I think I'm the same (although maybe I regret not appreciating sleep more 😂), but otherwise!

4under4our Sun 30-Jun-19 19:48:07

No question OP but I used to get a lot of shitty comments (mostly from older women) when I had my 1st and 2nd. They assumed I was a fair bit younger than I was (stopped happening after my 3rd, I've obviously aged 😂) and it's bloody horrible.

Just hold your head high and be the best Mum you can be, sod the rude comments.

MrsMiggins37 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:49:32

Oh, have you had the second yet or are you still pregnant?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:49:37

@4under4our thank you! I've become a LOT more resilient over the past year especially as opposed to when I first got pregnant with DC1!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:50:04

@MrsMiggins37 still pregnant!

user1471546851 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:50:38

Next I think it's the way you put it
"So you're against abortion for some reason?"
Why not ask if she had Considered abortion and how she come to the decision not to have one?
My best friend had a baby at 16 and we're in our early 30s now she is a fabulous mum has a beautiful home great job husband holidays etc etc etc

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:51:15

What on earth has your bar of chocolate got to do with having a child WellErr? Are you being serious?

It’s a metaphor. Look it up.

Congratulations OP flowers

AllFourOfThem Sun 30-Jun-19 19:52:49

How involved is the father or fathers?

Dinosforall Sun 30-Jun-19 19:53:49

WellErr DH brought me home some icecream the other night and even though I like ice cream and it was a kind thought I didn't fancy it just then and put it in the freezer for another day.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:53:59

If you have a mistake with your contraception and aren't planning to have a child, why would you not have an abortion?

Because it's a choice and some people choose to have a child.

It doesn't matter how many times you say you are not being rude, you are fucking rude.

teenmum18 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:54:58

My third was born a few months after I turned 20 I too used to get a lot of judgy comments and mostly from older people. I used to just ignore them. People with small minds won't change their ways so there's no point in acknowledging them.

Congratulations op and best of luck.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:55:05

How involved is the father or fathers?

God people are hideous.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:55:54

@AllFourOfThem both involved. Still with current DP and very happy.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:56:10

@teenmum18 thank you!

123testing Sun 30-Jun-19 19:57:30

OP congratulations on your pregnancy. I agree there are pros and cons to having kids younger. You have much more energy, enough energy to manage studying working and raising children, which I did. Became a young mum by choice.
I also have dc now im in my 30s and have less energy but then again Im not stressing about buying my first home and studying for a degree.
I think if you're sensible, have a sound plan for the future and a good support network,having kids young is a good thing.

Skyejuly Sun 30-Jun-19 19:57:32


No questions but I had 2 children by 18. They are age 15 and 13 now! I was a young mum but I have now been able to go to uni and get married etc and just work around it. I'm glad I had them young as my eldest has ASD and I doubt I would have had the energy before Haha.

Marlena1 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:57:38

So you don't agree with abortion for some reason

What an awful thing to say, would you say this to someone older?

ThePurpleHeffalump Sun 30-Jun-19 19:58:38

When I lived in the NW, your specific situation was very common, there was little negative judgement and lots of general companionship from other teenage parents. Now I live in a very different area. So are you in a location with lots of other young mums to support you, and appropriate, skilled services?

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:58:40

WellErr DH brought me home some icecream the other night and even though I like ice cream and it was a kind thought I didn't fancy it just then and put it in the freezer for another day.

Such is the wonderful power of choice smile

MumofTinies Sun 30-Jun-19 19:59:31

Being pro choice means just that Samsung, OP has chosen to continue with her pregnancies, that should be respected. It doesn't mean she is against others making a different choice.

Have you ever had any shitty/patronising comments from health care professionals OP?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:59:57

@123testing @Skyejuly thank you! It's nice to hear other positive stories of people from similar situations. Some people really like to make you feel like you're just someone to judge because of the unusualness of the situation!!!

TeachesOfPeaches Sun 30-Jun-19 20:01:03

My mum had 2 children by 19 (same dad) and became a granny at 48. My advice to you is to get your education and career on track because my mum didn't and she isn't in an enviable position now even though my parents were together for 30 years.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:01:15

@ThePurpleHeffalump I think there's a lot of stereotyping and looking down on younger mums where I am if I'm honest.
There's some help for the situation but have usually turned it down or tried to turn it down as they're put across so patronisingly.

Kyogre Sun 30-Jun-19 20:03:10

Lots of questions.
I’d like to know about the practicalities of how you can manage to make this work. Who do you live with? How much money do you live on and where does it come from? Do your parents help you a lot?
What qualifications do you have?
Do you live with the kids Dad? How old is he? Does he work? Did he want you to have an abortion?

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 20:03:19

Did you lose a lot of friends when you had your 1st baby?

I had ds at 20 and a few friends were "excited" when i was pregnant but drifted swiftly away when i had him!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:04:07

@MumofTinies not really, to be honest. I've been quite blessed so far, most shitty/patronising comments come from strangers or distant family members who feel they have every right to comment!

The only patronising comment I felt I was repeatedly asked was, 'does your mum help a lot?'. It always really bothered me as I didn't every think someone in their 30s would be constantly asked that but I'm getting over it now.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:04:29

@TeachesOfPeaches definitely the plan as soon as possible.

Ginger1982 Sun 30-Jun-19 20:04:53

Your mum was obviously young when she had you. Did her experiences reflect how you thought about it? How does she feel about it?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:06:26

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl most of my friends and I mutually drifted immediately- I changed a lot when I first found out I was pregnant and they weren't really suitable company for how much I matured!
I've stayed in touch with a few long-term friends but don't really have any close friends anymore!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 20:07:07

It's not a metaphor WellErr. I know what a metaphor is.

You cannot compare deciding to have a child with deciding to eat a bar of chocolate, you must understand that?

Op - if you could just answer without taking offence it would be really interesting. I know a few women who had children as early as 18 and 19. They were my two grandmothers (born 1901, 1908 and my mil born 1946). I literally do not know anyone else who has gone down this route, hence my perfectly polite questions.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 20:09:39

Perfectly polite hmm

Implying someone doesn't agree in abortion because they chose to continue a pregnancy is about as far away from polite as it gets.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:09:48

@Kyogre lots of questions! grin

I live with DC2's dad and DC1. Lived on my own with DC1 prior to that.
We both work. We get a slight top up from government to help towards childcare so I can go to work!
We discussed options but he never wanted me to have an abortion. I felt incredibly supported.
Qualified to GCSE and 2 A Levels.
Parents don't help at all apart from the odd babysitting night and someone to call for advice sometimes!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:10:51

@Ginger1982 honestly, I used to tell DM I'd never be as 'stupid' as her to have kids so young! grin

She's very happy for me now, as am I!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:11:26

@Nextphonewontbesamsung I did answer, didn't I? I didn't take offence.

KateWrong Sun 30-Jun-19 20:13:11

Hi OP, it sounds like you are managing really well smile

When you got pregnant with your first, how did your friends react? Did any of your friends have babies as well or was it just you? I imagine I would have felt quite isolated getting pregnant at that age, as none of my friends were anywhere near having babies. Just wondering what your experience was like !

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 20:13:36

Do you ever feel like you missed out on the carefree years? My DD is 18 and can just go out anytime. If you want a night out you need to ore plan etc, whereas my DD can just decide at 8pm she is going out with friends.

KateWrong Sun 30-Jun-19 20:14:01

Aha I just saw you answered something similar above so never mind

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:16:01

@Baritriwsahys 99% of the time, no. I'm perfectly happy with my arrangement and wouldn't ever change it.
There's been a few occasions where I've been slightly envious of the lack of planning friends have had to put in for a night out, and especially if I've had to go home early/not go at all because I've had a sick baby, but the feeling passes quickly!
I think it's impossible for anyone with kids to wish they weren't carefree some moments grin

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 20:22:47

Definitely OP! I still have moments now where I wish I didn't have to think for so many different people before myself!

Lizzielocket Sun 30-Jun-19 20:23:35

I chose to take this route in the 1990’s, I got pregnant by my childhood sweetheart, I was 18, we had been together from the age of 14. I kept the baby and we married, we brought a little house and I got pregnant again when DD was 9 months old, not a contraception failure, the baby was planned. Unfortunately I miscarried, I would have been in ops position had I not lost the baby.
Only benefits we claimed was child benefit. ExH worked full time and I worked 3 evenings a week.
I chose this path for myself and I’m so pleased I did.
ExH and I parted ways when we were both 26, we are still the best of friends and he has been an amazing DF to our DD.
You sound intelligent and mature op, wishing you the very best of luck.

Neome Sun 30-Jun-19 20:24:34

Congratulations OP flowers lucky DM too. My DGC2 has just arrived, DD arrived when I was 20 (contraceptive failure but I didn't realise at the time, long story) just for your information Next I am pro choice, my choice was keep the baby.

I'd like to ask you, OP, can you imagine having a baby in your 30s or 40s?

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 20:25:31

Why do you think it's impolite to ask a straight up question on an AMA thread Baritri?

Op said AMA. I asked. I haven't made any judgement on op or her choices, I just asked the question.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:26:05

@Baritriwsahys yes! It's definitely my kind of joy these days on the rare day I can get up and throw some clothes on and go to work without having to do packed lunches and battle a toddler to get ready and get to nursery before heading to work!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:27:45

@Lizzielocket you sound like you've done really well, sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

And thank you!

Kyogre Sun 30-Jun-19 20:29:02

How old are the kids Dads? Is the Dad of your first child involved with their child and do they pay maintenance? Do your kids have your surname?

Kyogre Sun 30-Jun-19 20:29:40

Thank you for answering my questions.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:30:40

@Neome I couldn't - always say since having DC1 that I wouldn't want another after I'm 25 - although I would've told you 5 years ago that I didn't want children and would've told you 6 months ago that I wasn't planning on having a second so although I couldn't picture it (especially as I'd have grown up children), who knows!

AllFourOfThem Sun 30-Jun-19 20:35:24

God people are hideous

And some are very rude! I’m not judging the OP in the slightest (why would I?) and think being able to have children young, with involved fathers, whilst being confident that you can still have a career ahead of you is a great thing. Too many people put too much emphasis on having savings, a career, a house etc before having children and miss out on many years of their children’s lives because they waited so long to have them.

OP, I’m glad you are happy and things are going well for you all.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 20:39:22

@Kyogre DC1's dad is same age and DC2's dad is slightly older.
He's involved, but the involvement and maintenance are a bit of a complex issue (🙄) which is the only thing I wouldn't go into on the thread!
DC1 has my surname. DC2 will most likely be a double barrel.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 20:57:11

Why do you think it's impolite to ask a straight up question on an AMA thread Baritri?

Go read what you wrote and think about it ffs.

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 20:58:03

Oh wait, you can't. MNHQ have deleted it.

I will take that as point made.

BogglesGoggles Sun 30-Jun-19 21:06:18

@Nextphonewontbesamsung I didn’t plan the second one per se (we wanted a bigger age gap) but didn’t abort when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted a child, I knew that it might not happen again if I were to abort, so I had a child. If I found myself pregnant tomorrow I would abort because I don’t want more children. It’s not a case of not wanting a child just then and therefore deciding to reject the chance at having a child that pregnancy presents.

@OP don’t worry about employers reactions. I had two children (one when I was your age, the second a couple of years later) so I took some time out. Employers completely understanding-very few employers expect their employees to have no life anymore. And many of the bigger corporate type employers have really took on the whole diversity thing and so have learn to accept that women usually end up taking time out for babies and Male suitable adjustments

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 21:23:59

I would love to know which Mumsnet talk guideline I broke. I can't even remember what was in my deleted post but I know for sure it won't have been a personal attack.

NoSquirrels Sun 30-Jun-19 21:39:29

I worry that any employer will see 2 bouts of maternity leave before 20 and not give me a second look for how it must seem!

Don’t worry about this! Loads of people are only getting started in their careers at 21/22, after studying. Loads of people are going back to studying as slight older ‘mature’ students for all sorts of reasons. Loads of employers might even be a bit relieved that you’ve already started a family and thus less likely to take maternity leave on their watch (the world is still sexist). So don’t worry- be ambitious, though, use your youth and energy to your advantage!

BrienneofTarthILoveYou Sun 30-Jun-19 22:07:54

Can you support yourself Op or do you rely on benefits?

I don't mean to be judgemental at all but I think I must be as I feel so sad for you to be missing out on some fantastic times of being young and carefree. Seems such a waste to me as you have your whole life to settle down with children so to do it at 19 seems desperately sad. Sorry!

Ginger1982 Sun 30-Jun-19 22:12:04

@Nextphonewontbesamsung I believe it was your question which, for what it's worth, I didn't think broke any guidelines though it might have been a bit 'to the point.'

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 22:13:52


As if you don't have a clue how aggressive you were with that comment.

mimibunz Sun 30-Jun-19 22:19:13

I don’t look down on young mums but I am aware that young pregnancies tend to lead to higher child poverty and low education, which also tends to recycle. Whatever you think about your choices your children are more important, and your future children won’t be entitled to child benefit. That’s a lot of cards to play before you’re 20.

Slat3 Sun 30-Jun-19 22:25:47

Do you have plans to study more in your 20s?
Do you ever feel embarrassed?
Do you want to get married to DC2s dad?
Do you think you’ll be done or have more children?

I ask this as a relatively young mum (21 & 23 for mine) who desperately wants another but would be embarrassed to have 3 kids by the age of 27. Like damaged goods or something. I don’t know, it’s a lack of self confidence from me. I am still with the children’s dad but if we ever spilt up I would feel nobody would want me!

whattodo2019 Sun 30-Jun-19 22:36:17

Ignore any negative comments. Focus on being the best mum and get a good education.
Be the best role model for your kids.

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 22:56:22

and your future children won’t be entitled to child benefit


Oh and as for this

Seems such a waste to me as you have your whole life to settle down with children so to do it at 19 seems desperately sad. Sorry!

Dont be so bloody condescending.

Dont feel sad look down on people who chose to continue with a pregnancy before 35. Not all of us want to backpack around Europe and get shit faced every night for 10 years.

I wanted a child young so im not still doing primary school drop offs into my 40s but i dont feel sad for people who choose to do that.

teenmum18 Sun 30-Jun-19 23:08:47

Well said @JoanMavisIcecreamGirl 👍🏼

I'm not really sure why people are so judgemental and pity the women who chose to be Mother's young. So many women wait until their 30s to start a family and find out they have fertility issues. I'm glad I had mine young while my eggs were fresh.

Baritriwsahys Mon 01-Jul-19 00:23:19

your future children won’t be entitled to child benefit.

Why not? Is there some weird ruling that if you have children when you are young you cant claim it past a certain age confused

qwertyq Mon 01-Jul-19 07:35:34

@Slat3 I've got plans to study, I hope an employer will put me through relevant qualifications or it'll be something like OU.

I don't feel embarrassed as such, that's not the right word for me, it's just really conscious sometimes of people's negatives opinions or people staring and I feel like I still have a constant feeling to justify myself and prove myself.

I do want to marry him, yes (not yet though)!

I'm unsure about having other kids. I'm honestly 50/50 and it's more of a time will tell situation!

BrienneofTarthILoveYou Mon 01-Jul-19 09:47:08

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl and @teenmum18 - the point of my post was that I don't want to be condescending or patronising, but can't help feeling sad and sorry for how much life you miss out on having kids so young. I wish I didn't feel that way as I don't consider myself to be a judgemental person, but I guess I must be and I wish I weren't.

Baritriwsahys Mon 01-Jul-19 10:36:31

I'm in my 40's and about to go back into education, it's fine

hsegfiugseskufh Mon 01-Jul-19 11:05:00

you are very judgemental if you think that having children young means that you miss out. I don't feel like I have missed out on anything.

I still have a career, a happy relationship, nights out, holidays, friends (ok less friends but at least I know the ones I have will stick around!)

what do you think I should be doing instead?

Marlena1 Mon 01-Jul-19 11:22:30

@teenmum18 I actually think that's a bit judgemental to older mothers. Things work out differently for different people. There is no right and wrong, just different circumstances.

goingonabearhunt1 Mon 01-Jul-19 15:39:23

I don't have any judgement for whatever age people want to have kids tbh, the only thing I ever wonder is how they afford it and how they can deal with the responsibility but that is because I am looking at it through the lens of my own experience (was earning nothing at 19 and was completely immature), obviously other people have different experiences/are more mature grin Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

Aunaturalmama Tue 15-Oct-19 03:19:36

I just wanna come on here and say.... I had two children back to back (and hey pregnant with my third when my second is 17 months now), and they have more toys and holidays than any child I know. We are in the 1% of earners so not hurting for money. Not all young mum’s and mum’s of unplanned close pregnancies are living in poverty. Jeez.
I love being a young mum. When I am 50 my kids will be basically done with uni and I’ll have my life completely back. And I’ll be able to run around with my grandkids like nothing!
I also recovered well from each pregnancy from being so young.

Aunaturalmama Tue 15-Oct-19 03:22:34

I was definitely immature when I had my first. There is actually a change that happens physically when a person gives birth that makes you able to care for your children better! I can definitely say that first year was hard for me and I really figured out time management and aged in maturity very fast

Owlsintowels Tue 15-Oct-19 09:28:04

Gov rules have changed, you only get child benefit for your first two children now.
Exceptions are if second pregnancy is multiple or if a third pregnancy is due to rape. I don't know details but I think you have to prove rape somehow, or at least sign a statement.

There was a pretty big fuss when the rape clause came in, did you not hear about it?

Look up which MPs voted in favour of the rape clause, might be helpful in helping decide who to vote for in the likely upcoming general election (last point directed at everyone, not just those who hadn't heard about the two child rule)

Owlsintowels Tue 15-Oct-19 09:30:19

sniffingthewax Wed 30-Oct-19 08:11:15

I had 3 before 23 but was married, DP had a good job and we had a home in a naice area and I think to a certain extent that warded off comments from people. I'm now nearly 40, (still married) have degree and masters and I find I'm much more conscious of comments now than I was then. Eldest dc is starting uni and there's always a 'you must have started young!' comment said with horror/shock whenever it's mentioned.
My dc have been the best thing that has happened to me, we haven't missed out because I was young, we have travelled extensively, dc in grammar schools so hopefully their educational prospects will be good, but my career path is non existent. I did a degree with OU along the way and a part time masters but as dc3 has SEN I have never been able to work. I have quite an extensive voluntary resume but zero paid employment which means that most likely I will have to start job seeking an entry level job in my 40's which is very depressing.

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